Being in a relationship can be amazing, and nothing can compare to the
feeling of being swept off your feet. But when you fall head-over-heels for someone fast, and there's just no going back, it can be scary. Some relationships take time to build into something special, and that's totally normal, but whirlwind love is exhilarating — which is part of what makes it so appealing. So, even though you may be happy moving fast, these signs your relationship is moving too fast might be the wake-up call you need to reevaluate the pace you and your partner are taking.
Remember, some relationships move quicker than others. There truly is no set-in-stone timeline that every couple must follow, and there is no perfect secret to success within a relationship. You might be ready for marriage
or a move-in after a year, or three years, or never! But if moving forward or taking a big step doesn't feel right, it might be because you're moving too fast . Everyone deserves to be happy, but that doesn't necessarily mean you should dive head-first into a relationship that might be developing at an unhealthy pace.
While there are plenty of movies and television shows that portray couples falling hard and fast and everything falling perfectly into place, that isn't always real life. As relationship and etiquette expert
April Masini tells Elite Daily, a lot of couples who get together too quickly can end up not lasting. "Whirlwind romances are very exciting — but many times they leave a trail of destruction in their wake as they wind down and fail," she says. "When people get too involved, too quickly, they tend not to get to know each other. I’ve seen people spend more time researching a car purchase than someone they’re going to have sex with and then move in with."
Even though you might be totally into this person, if you're having lingering feelings that you're moving too fast, you may want to check out these signs. After all, it's better to know now instead of down the line when you’ve invested more of yourself.
You Haven’t Had Serious Discussions
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Even though it can be scary at times, if you're jumping into a relationship with someone, there are some
important talks you should have along the way. According to Masini, not having those conversations could mean you're moving too fast.
"You should talk about your hopes and dreams, your past, your debt, your feelings about kids, family, lifestyles, religion, and more," she tells Elite Daily. "When you don’t, these issues come up later and can be deal breakers." Talk it out, because if you're in a serious relationship, then you should probably have these important discussions before taking the next step — whatever that looks like for you.
Listen, sex is great. And you should be having as much of it as you want to, as long as it's consensual. But, if
you want a more serious relationship, and all you two are doing is getting it on, that could be a sign of a relationship that's moving too fast.
"Chemistry is very powerful, and when couples have great sex and a lot of it too early, they get blinded by the romance," Masini says. "This keeps them from seeing pitfalls and deficits that a person brings to the relationship. Chemistry is awesome, but it’s not enough to keep a relationship alive over the long run. And it’s often the reason people rush." So
look beyond the butterflies and the sex, because it may be a sign your relationship is moving too quickly. 03
You Haven’t Met Their Friends And Family
Obviously, at some point in your relationship, you're going to
meet each other's friends and family. But, Masini says that when this happens is important. If it’s sooner than you are comfortable with, that could be a red flag.
"While there are always exceptions, speed causes you to miss things," she says. "You can’t see everything when you’re moving super fast. You need time in a relationship to
meet each others’ friends and family." So take a deep breath, and try to see where you both are when it comes to meeting friends and family. It's a big step, and if it feels forced, you might be moving too fast. 04
You Haven’t Gone Through Challenges Together
Another indication that you and your partner are moving too fast is that you've gotten really serious, yet you haven't
been through anything serious together. "You need to see if your partner is someone you can count on in a car accident, or a hurricane, or how they react when your flight is cancelled, you spend too much, and debt is disclosed," Masini says. "When you rush into a relationship, you lose the opportunities that time affords you." 05
You Aren’t Following A Reasonable Timeline
serious about a future together, then you and your partner should have a discussion about where you see yourselves in the next few years. According to Masini, following a timeline is a good idea to pace your relationship.
"I have a set of time guidelines that I always recommend: Use the first three months of dating to decide if you want to continue seeing each other," she explains. "If you both do, then use the second three months of dating to decide if you want to be monogamous. If you both do, then use the next six months of dating to decide if you want to commit to moving in together or marriage."
Of course, this isn't a timeline that you have to live or die by, but it's a good estimate
of how fast healthy relationships should move. If you're exceeding that pace, you might be moving too fast. 06
You Can’t Go An Hour Without Texting Each Other
Texting your partner regularly and updating them on your life is definitely necessary in a relationship. However, relationship expert Ian Lang acknowledges that texting your partner is a sign that your relationship might be moving too fast, because it’s difficult for you to go long periods of time without hearing from your partner. too much
“You should not be afraid of reducing your frequency of texting, calling, or emailing if you feel overwhelmed,” Lang tells Elite Daily. “If you are concerned that the person might lose interest in you or refuse to commit to you if you reduce the messages you send, you should reexamine your relationship with them.” Contact is healthy, but
constant contact can become possessive or inauthentic. 07
You Only Talk About Major Life Plans — Instead Of What’s Happening Now
Be cautious of how much you and your partner talk about the future. Of course you should talk about major life events in order to
understand your partner’s values and if they align with yours; however, it can be very easy to become so excited about the future that you put current issues aside.
“Knowing you want to get married and have children is one thing, but planning your future with someone you just met might indicate you need to reevaluate how quickly the relationship is progressing,” Lang says. Talk to your partner about marriage, kids, career, etc. But don’t feel the need to make concrete plans about these major life events right away. Your present matters just as much as your future. “If your new love interest does not stop telling you how much they wish to buy a house with you or reach some other major milestone with you, and this makes you uncomfortable, that is a massive red flag,” Lang says.
You Haven’t Recovered From A Previous Breakup
Oftentimes people will jump into a brand new relationship as a way to fill any sadness or loneliness they may be experiencing
post-breakup. The logic is, if you fill your brain with thoughts of a new relationship, you won’t have to go through the unrest, grief, and overall heartache that people undoubtedly feel after the end of a relationship.
Lang acknowledges how easy it is to rush into a new relationship before you’re truly ready. “Chances are you’re moving too fast if you’ve just broken up with your ex and just jumped into a new relationship. There’s [no] doubt that
toxic relationships and traumatic breakups take time to heal, but most people lack the patience to do so,” Lang tells Elite Daily. Jumping into a relationship before you’ve healed could potentially cause anxiety, tension, and a lack of trust between you and your new partner. 09
You And Your Partner Lack Boundaries
At the beginning of a new relationship, it’s common to want to be around your partner 24/7. It’s the
honeymoon stage, and everyone experiences it at some point. However, Lang says that boundaries are important in order to maintain individuality in a relationship. “It may seem romantic at first, but being overly involved in each other’s affairs now or in the future is not healthy. An important part of a lasting attraction is feeling respected, honored, and comfortable,” Lang tells Elite Daily.
“If your relationship lacks boundaries, your friends may keep pointing out that you seem overly involved, or you may be viewing yourself as a single entity rather than two individuals. Infatuation may be mistaken for compatibility, so it’s important for you to recognize the red flags in the relationship, as a lack of boundaries may lead to a toxic relationship down the road,” Lang says.
Your Partner Says “I Love You” Too Early
Showing affection in your own way is important in any stage of a romantic relationship. The all-too-important phrase “I love you” has the power to change your relationship trajectory, for better or worse. It’s a sign that you and your partner are growing and evolving as a couple, but saying
“I love you” too early on in the relationship could be a sign that authenticity within the relationship is absent.
“Loving someone is an investment and pivotal point in a relationship,” relationship expert and matchmaker
Rori Sassoon tells Elite Daily. “When a partner says those eight letters in a rush, or too early, they are likely lacking deep sincerity in exchange for fleeting feelings ...When you say ‘I love you’ too early, the relationship is built less on a solid foundation and more on endorphins. Think about it — how much more do you savor an aged bottle of wine rather than something off the shelf? You should preserve those words until you are fully committed to that person.” 11
You Are Convinced “You Can Change Them”
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If you’re approaching your relationship thinking you can “fix your partner” or help them get rid of their prominent red flags, trust me, you can’t.
Sam Nabil, CEO and lead therapist of Naya Clinics, encourages people to trust their gut, because most of the time, your first instinct is always right about a person’s intentions. “If your partner has flaws that you are very much aware of, or you are being alerted by friends and family [about these flaw] and you still believe that things will be different with you, they won’t be. Your partner will not change for you in a heartbeat, and even if they do, they will eventually find their way back to their original actions or intentions,” Nabil tells Elite Daily.
“This is a sign that there were a lot of unrealistic promises made to each other, instead of actually openly discussing each other’s flaws and being proactive in finding solutions together,” Nabil says.
Every relationship is different, but you certainly don't want to dive into something too hard, too fast, and get hurt in the end because of it. So, take some time to evaluate how fast your relationship is moving, and don't be afraid to speak up if you're worried things are developing too fast. Above all else, you need to do what's best for you, and if a relationship that's moving too fast isn't working, it’s time to address it.
Experts: April Masini, relationship and etiquette expert Ian Lang, relationship expert Rori Sassoon, relationship expert and matchmaker Sam Nabil, CEO and lead therapist of Naya Clinics Don't miss a thing
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