We all have that friend (or maybe you are that friend) who seems to spend any time they're away from their partner texting back and forth. Wherever they are, whatever they are doing, they're always in constant communication. On the one hand, being that invested in one another's lives could be a good thing. But, let's be honest: Constant texting can be stressful, and that amount of communication might not always be necessary. Is texting your partner all day healthy, or does having a break from chatting actually work to strengthen your relationship?
To answer that question, I reached out to Erica Gordon, dating expert, founder of The Babe Report, and author of Aren't You Glad You Read This?. She says such a high amount of texting isn't ideal in a relationship, but that the temptation to stay in contact with your partner all day can be powerful, especially early on. "It's unfortunately very common to text all day with your partner, especially in a new relationship," Gordon tells Elite Daily. "I say it's 'unfortunately' common because it's not a healthy habit, it's not a sustainable habit, and it makes you less independent and less productive in your day-to-day life." Here's how Gordon says over-texting can affect your relationship, and what to do about it.
“Texting all day can be a sign of a codependent relationship,” warns Gordon, who adds that by engaging in it, you risk giving up your independence in the relationship. This can have repercussions, not only in the relationship itself, but when and if you break up. “Think about what happens to people who break up with someone who they were texting all day every day. Suddenly, their world feels so empty and quiet, because they're used to their phone blowing up all day. This can lead to much more extreme feelings of sadness and loneliness post breakup than you'd otherwise feel if you were not over-texting your partner while you were together,” she explains. “It can feel like withdrawal because the chemicals in the reward-center of the brain are activated during periods of constant receipt of text messages, and then deactivated when the relationship (and texting) ends.”
If texting all day isn’t healthy, then what amount of communication should you expect to have in your relationship? According to Gordon, texting at least four times a week is healthy, but every day is ideal. “It feels nice to wake up to a 'Good morning' text, and it's also nice when your partner sends you a sweet text to say good night before they go to sleep,” she says.
If your current texting habits aren’t healthy, Gordon says you shouldn't be afraid to make the necessary changes. “This can be achieved in a more polite way than simply not responding to texts from your partner," she says. "You can simply explain that you are finding yourself less productive due to the constant texting, and you'd like to text less. Or, you can say that you'd like to catch up in person, because when you are apart you are often too busy with other things to text all day."
While that can be hard, especially if you enjoy the back-and-forth, it can actually benefit the relationship, says Gordon. "It's important to have your own life," she concludes.
In the end, how much you and your SO decide to text is personal, as is the balance you find in your communication habits, but moderation can be a good guiding principal. After all, taking a little break from talking to miss each other a bit can feel really amazing, and make the time you do talk even more fun and special. Also, if you’re phubbing your friends all they time, they're going to get very cranky. And yes, I am speaking from personal experience.
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