Was Kim Kardashian's robbery an elaborate scheme set up by Kris Jenner?
After attending several events as part of Paris Fashion Week on Sunday, Kim Kardashian went back to her hotel room suite at a location so notoriously exclusive it is known around town as the "No Address Hotel.”
Hours later, while Kim was asleep, a band of armed robbers broke into the hotel and tied up the concierge . At least two of the robbers, who were dressed as policemen, proceeded to gain entrance into Kim's room.
They ordered her to get up and took her phone as she attempted to call her bodyguard, Pascal Duvier, who was out with her sisters, Kourtney and Kendall, at a club in Paris.
Kim was then bound and gagged, put into the bathtub and locked in the bathroom.
When all was said and done, Kim emerged physically unscathed yet emotionally “not doing so good,” and the robbers made their escape with $10 million in jewelry and two cell phones.
At press time, there have not been any arrests made in connection with the robbery, and Kim is headed back to the West Coast, after granting limited access the past few days to anyone who is not a family member or Jonathan Cheban.
The thing is, however, this is all a lie.
No way in hell am I buying anything we've been told over the past few days.
It's just too crazy of a story to accept at face value. The second I heard about this robbery, the conspiracy theorist in me started throwing blame at everybody from Donald Trump to the "The Protocols of The Elders of Zion."
Obviously, I didn't believe any of these far-fetched ideas I was coming up with, but it's always where my mind initially goes with stories like this.
Then I started reading up on what happened, and I realized nothing about this case makes any sense.
All the evidence points to Kim Kardashian's robbery being an inside job orchestrated by someone with an attachment to the family, access to Kim and a motivation to pull something like this off.
Aka: Kris Jenner.
I know this all sounds crazy. The idea of even the most power-driven person in the world doing something like this to her own daughter is admittedly too big of a pill to swallow.
*pause for outrage*
Just hear me out.
Where was the security detail?
A week before Monday's early morning robbery, Paris Fashion Week was off to a remarkably weird start.
Gigi Hadid, close friend and pseudo-relative to the Jenner family, was literally picked up by a random dude who walked a few steps with her before being tackled by security guards. A few days later, that same man tried to kiss Kim Kardashian's butt.
All logic would dictate the Kardashian family should have beefed up their security detail after the Gigi incident. They're in a foreign country with a recent history of terrorism and a population who clearly goes over the line when it comes to dealing with models.
That never happened, though. Kim didn't beef up security.
What's more is the robbers happened to pick Kim as a target the night her one guard was away clubbing with Kourtney and Kendall.
That has to be the luckiest break of all time -- a $10 million lucky break.
To put this into perspective, the French police don't even believe this could have happened.
A source close to the investigation told Page Six,
French police suspect that the five alleged robbers had some contact with her security and were tipped off about her procedures. They knew there was no security [with her inside her apartment that night]. All they had to do was go in, make contact with someone inside the hotel. They have issues with story of more than one worker at the hotel.
To recap: In order to believe this all happened the way we've been told, you would need to accept the Kardashians, a family whose full value is easily in the billions at this point, have a subpar security detail in charge of their lives while vacationing overseas.
At the same time, you would need to accept a gang of criminals would make an attempt on Kim assuming she has a certain level of detail surrounding her.
On top of that, you would have to be totally fine with the idea the night she is robbed just happens to be the night she is unguarded in an incredibly exclusive hotel with only one worker on staff.
It should also be noted Pascal Duvier, Kim's bodyguard who was with Kourtney and Kendall at the time of the robbery, filed for bankruptcy of his security firm 10 weeks ago.
He has worked with Kanye West since 2012 and has previously been responsible for the safety of Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera, The Black Eyed Peas, Katy Perry and many others.
On Wednesday, he deleted all references on social media of any involvement with the Kardashian-West family. This included pictures of himself guarding Kim in the past.
Weirdly, though, Duvier has not actually been fired yet by the family.
One More Thing!
Stop acting like Kim Kardashian doesn't know how to use social media or understand how geotagging works!
There's been a trend since the alleged robbery took place of blaming Kim for being a target that makes absolutely no sense and implies Kim doesn't know how basic Instagram and Snapchat features work.
The idea here is, because of the extravagant posts she uploads to her various social media accounts, she tempts potential criminals, like the ones from Monday, to track her down.
For instance, the following picture posted to her account last week showing the $4 million ring that was stolen has been credited with potentially luring the alleged criminals to her.
Just to be VERY clear: Kim Kardashian, her family and her support team know more about social media than anyone you will ever meet. This would be like saying the Keebler Company doesn't know what chocolate chips, crumbs or Elves are.
There was even an episode of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" that was just about teaching Kylie how to block her Snapchat geotags.
So What Happened Then?
In order to pull something like this off you need three things:
Early on, the internet hypothesized the robbery was a setup job by Blac Chyna or Taylor Swift, and as much as these were obviously jokes, there were some arguments you could make for both being behind that morning's events.
Blac Chyna is a rising star in the Kardashian-West universe. She's already gained access to the family through Rob, which has granted her a buttload of exposure and her own TV show.
So yes, she has the means and access to pull this off, but there is honestly no motive there. Why ruin a good thing? Blac Chyna would be a fool to try and shake the boat she's a floating on.
On the other hand, Taylor Swift, has motive and means up the wazzoo. Kim declared a Hollywood jihad on Taylor when she uploaded that Snapchat video showing Swift knew about the lyrics behind "Famous" before going on that rant at the Grammys.
She's also rich af.
She has less than zero access to the family, though, as I assume the whole mishpocha has a restraining order against anyone who would identify as a Starbucks Lover.
The only person who really fits the bill when it comes to those three elements is the momager herself, Kris Jenner.
Why Kris Jenner?
I will go on record saying Kris is nothing short of a genius. She could take control of the UN today, and I guarantee the Israel-Palestine conflict, global hunger and nuclear arms abuse would be solved by mid-November.
I love the Kardashians, but this family should not have been relevant past 2009-ish. Watch early episodes of "KUWTK." They're terrible.
This was a family who was not great on camera, and aside from having a ton of money and a sex tape, there was nothing really special about them.
It's with Kris' puppet mastering they've stayed relevant through the years. I am convinced behind everything this family does, she is there with a carefully calculated content-strategy plan.
It's made her family the most powerful media conglomerate on the planet and one with an ungodly amount of money at that.
So, the means and access are clearly there.
The motive is where it gets interesting, and I think it comes down to a mixture of the following:
Blac Chyna was getting too powerful.
I don't know if you've watched any of "Rob & Chyna," but Angela is absolutely terrifying. If there is one person on the planet who makes the Kardashians look like grounded, relatable people, it's Blac Chyna.
You can make the argument the surge in Chyna's popularity has actually even begun to take away from the buzz surrounding the rest of the family, which is equivalent to high treason when you're dealing with the Kardashians.
On top of that, although they've obviously patched things up to a certain extent, Blac Chyna's entrance into the family caused a rift within the Kardashian ranks between Rob and everyone else in that family.
It's possible Kris viewed Chyna as someone who threatened to throw the balance off within everything she had built and needed to be stopped.
She needed to make something massive happen to slow down Blac Chyna's growth and so she unleashed that "thing" just hours after Blac Chyna's baby shower.
The Kardashians needed a big story.
It's been a slow few months for social media's first family.
Khloé hasn't done much since her book was released. Kourtney hasn't really done anything of note (including Justin Bieber, HIYO!) in years. Kylie hasn't had much drama since she got back together with Tyga and Kendall hasn't really stirred the pot ever unless you count that feud she had with Abby Lee Miller a few weeks back.
Kim is clearly the queen shit-stirrer in the group and she hasn't done much stirring since Swiftgate, which honestly wasn't even her battle as the feud was purely between Kanye and Taylor.
Something big needed to happen to Kim and something big did conveniently happen, right as the family's other drama wells seemed to be drying up.
This is all for ratings.
OK, duh, obviously. This isn't a shocking new revelation I'm making.
Everything they do is for ratings. That's not a bad thing at all, it's just how they function. Certain people are lawyers, others are doctors, some have very successful Etsy shops, this is just what this family does.
The Kardashians make their money with ratings.
The eerie part about this is the family appears to never be without controversy. There is a larger discussion about manufacturing drama within the family, but for now, just try and mentally come to terms with the fact Kris obviously controls the flow of information that is released to the outside world.
That's how they've stayed relevant for the past 10 years. They withhold big events and wait for the right time to release them to the public.
I'm not saying there is a mathematical, calendar-based drama algorithm they use to plot this out, but I will say something like that for sure probably exists in Kris' house behind a fancy painting in a secret office, "Harry Potter" style.
Like I said above, this was a low-buzz time for the family, and they needed something big to happen. They had nothing major on the docket coming up but needed to act in order to save their rep from the ever-growing personality hurricane that is Blac Chyna.
Also, draw your own conclusions from this about how calculated this family's drama is: Lamar Odom had his stroke almost a year to the day of Kim's robbery. The previous late-September, Kim had a series of nude photos leak.
Seems to me a lot of awful stuff happens to this family exactly around late September/early October.
The Illuminati and Donald Trump
OK, I'll indulge myself here. If Kris didn't do it, then I think it was a combined effort by Donald Trump and the Illuminati to take traction off of Hillary Clinton after the first presidential debate.
The Illuminati is hellbent on destroying the world order, so they've been secretly financing his campaign and saw this as a chance to keep him from slipping in the polls. They paid off some people on the inside, took the jewelry money to throw back into Trump's campaign and sat back as America forgot about the first debate because we were worried for Kim.
This idea is almost exactly like how I also am convinced Pokémon Go was released by the government when those anti-police riots were starting to pop up to distract everyone from anti-law enforcement behavior.
At the end of the day, these theories aren't for everyone. There will be skeptics out there who think everything happened like we were told to believe, and that's fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
That being said, I think we can all admit something is definitely up with this, right?!?!