Slide into the DMs with these flirty messages.
10 Flirty Messages To Send When You’re Sliding Into Someone’s DMs

Who knows where the conversation could lead?

by Korey Lane
Originally Published: 
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The modern world of virtual and IRL dating has gotten so complicated that it can be hard to know the best time to make a move. Whether you've been eyeing a certain cutie in the office for months or have been following someone on social media for a while and want to meet in person, sending a direct message via social media, be it Instagram, Twitter, or TikTok, is actually a super smart and very normal play. So, if you're ready to take the next step, here are some tactics and messages to send if you want to slide into someone’s DMs.

Shooting your shot and sending someone a direct message doesn't have to be a shady act. In fact, knowing how to slide into DMs properly can start new friendships, launch romantic relationships, and help you get to know people better. Let’s say you've been following this certain hottie since college because you had a group project together once. You haven't talked since, but both moved to the same city after graduating. Curious about the possibility of dating? Send a DM! You never know what could happen. The important thing is to go into the DMs with an open mind and a positive outlook, as online dating coach Perri Schneider tells Elite Daily.

“Think of reaching out to someone via DM almost like networking,” she says. “I often tell clients that even bad dates could lead to a great friendship connection, where they introduce you to their roommate who you end up falling in love with. We never know what has potential. It’s important to keep your head on straight and not worry too much about what the message will result in.”

Sending someone a DM can serve as a great icebreaker, make it easier to start talking over text, and then maybe even lead to an IRL date together. So don't knock it until you try it — and definitely try it. If you use one or more of these 10 DM sliding strategies, you'll be sure to heat things up.

Respond To One Of Their Stories

One of the best ways to slide into someone's DMs is to reply to one of their Instagram stories. According to Schneider, it’s an “easy way to begin a conversation that they will engage with.” Seriously, it's a brilliant move. This way, you aren't just reaching out out of the blue, and you can respond to something they posted — say, a photo from a restaurant, museum exhibit, or scenic locale — and start an entire conversation.

It could even be about something you have in common, like if they post a song from an artist you love or a TikTok you also find hilarious. If they post a story of a delicious meal, something along the lines of, “OMG looks amazing, so jealous!" is casual enough to get things started, and the rest will come naturally.

Try these examples:

“You seem to know all of the spots for [XYZ thing]. Please share your expertise by telling me where this is.”

“I love this song! What else are you listening to right now?"

Ask Them About Something They Recently Did

If you missed your chance to respond to a story, or you just want to try a different approach, ask them about a fairly recent post they made. If they went to a concert, ask them how it was. If they just got back from a trip to a specific city or even abroad, ask for travel recommendations.

This approach is an easy way to start a conversation, learn something new, and not look too thirsty all at the same time. Open-ended questions are always a great way to initiate a rapport, and hopefully you’ll actually benefit from it, too, Schneider says. “It’s definitely great to get some insight and have something to connect over.”

Try these examples:

“I saw that you just went to [location] and I’m hoping to go soon! Any recs?”

“I’ve been wanting to see [XYZ thing] for so long. What did you think?”

Send A Post You Found That Reminded You Of Them

Another great way to flirt via DM is to send someone a funny post or story you found on another page, because everyone knows that memes are the key to the heart. But sending funny posts isn’t the only option. You can just DM someone something you saw that reminded you of them, perhaps a post from an artist, a new finding, or event announcement.

Depending on your level of connection to each other beforehand, you don't even have to say anything at first. You can just send the post, but it also doesn’t hurt to throw in a few words. Schneider loves this idea, because truly, it’s the thoughtfulness that really counts here. “Everyone enjoys being thought of,” she says. If all goes according to plan, your message will trigger either some laughs or smiles and open the floor to even more conversation.

Try these examples:

“I know you’re really into [XYZ thing] so I thought you should know about this.”

“I just saw [XYZ thing] and it made me think of you.”

“This gives me you vibes.”

Bring Up A Mutual Friend

If you and your crush have a friend or two in common, dropping their names is the perfect icebreaker. You could send your crush a DM asking if they've seen said friend recently, or bring up something your mutual connection brought up about them to you. It also gives you an excuse to see each other in a less pressured situation by asking if they want to hang out all together.

Not only is this a “great idea to draw a line to each other,” says Schneider, but it “also gives you someone to vet through.” Having a mutual friend is the perfect excuse to chat with someone, so don't pass it up.

Try this example:

“[Friend] recently told me you [insert funny anecdote] and I want to set the record straight. Is this true?!”

Invite Them Out With Friends

If you're feeling a little bold, there's no harm in messaging someone through a DM to come hang out with a group. The fact that it's over DM only serves to make the invitation more casual, so there's no pressure. And re: the previous tip, hanging out IRL around other people makes things significantly more chill if that’s the vibe you want, and it gives you a chance to get a feel for them. “This is a great safe bet to getting to know someone, and you can see how they act in public,” Schneider says. And when you make it a group hang, you also reduce the risk of coming on too strong.

Invite them to plans you already have with your friends, especially if you share mutual connections in the group. Even better, shoot the DM when you’re doing an activity or outing that requires a good amount of people to be there for it.

Try these examples:

“I’m hanging out with [names of friends] on Friday, want to join?”

“Trying to make laser tag teams for this weekend and we need more people if you’re interested!”

Ask For Tips If You’re New To The City

If you only recently moved to a new city where this person lives, slide into their DMs and ask for tips. This might be one of the best approaches for cold calling someone you’re crushing on over IG. Find out where the best restaurants, bars, parks, even farmer's markets are, and eventually, “this could even be a great way to spark up a date idea,” adds Schneider.

After a conversational back-and-forth, you can then ask them to join you at one of those places. This approach is simple, lets them know you're local, and hey — you could very well end up with the cutest farmer's market date ever.

Try these examples:

“I just moved to [city] and I’m desperate for coffee shop recs. Any ideas?”

“You seem to know what you’re doing when it comes to restaurants in [city]. Do you have any favorites?”

Compliment Them

This is absolutely not a sign for you to send a “you’re hot” DM. But there’s no shame in wanting to be openly flirtatious when DM sliding. As dating and relationship coach Celina Bond previously told Elite Daily, the key is to avoid both objectification and genericness. “Be witty and playful about what you see without commenting so much on their appearance," Bond said. "The goal is not to put them on a pedestal (which lots of attractive people are used to getting online).”

Keep it short, sweet, and specific in your compliments. It lets them know you're paying attention. And, as Schneider explains, think about what you would be into receiving when coming up with things to say. “Something great to think about is how would you like someone to slide into your DMs? What would make you respond without hesitation?” she says. “Lean into your confidence and be bold with your message.” It's all about being flirty without being overly flirtatious.

Try these examples:

“Just wanted to say that I’m obsessed with the fit you wore in your last post.”

“You literally look so good in all your pics, tell me your secret.”

“OK new haircut [insert eyes emoji]!”

Call Out Their Previous Interactions With You

After some playful, flirty back-and-forth on social media that takes place outside of the DMs — such as liking all of each others’ posts or viewing every single story — it can be a fun transition to introduce yourself via direct message. As sexologist and intimacy expert Shan Boodram previously explained to Elite Daily, flirting over social media is like playing poker. "Put some of your chips down — make a small move — and wait," Boodram said. Just like with flirting in real life, small, incremental steps are necessary to building intimacy and tension over time.

If you feel the virtual tension rising, then it’s definitely time to dive into the DMs. With a little bit of wit and a whole lot of confidence (but not expectation), the process should be a fun one. “I think both men and women appreciate someone who is forward, but not in an arrogant way,” says Schneider. “It feels pretty great to be pursued, so just go with your risk taking and make sure you do so without the expectation that they will respond back.” No hard feelings if it doesn’t work out.

Try these examples:

“I see you've been double-tapping all my pics recently. Care to comment?”

“Is it chill to slide into the DMs of someone who views all of your stories? Asking for a friend.”

Be Forward With Your Feelings

If you’re less of a slow burn kind of person and go for more straightforward approaches in life, then truly don’t hold back. In Schneider’s opinion, she actually recommends simply shooting your shot. “If you feel a strong connection to someone, I say go for one impactful DM,” she says.

Let them know exactly what you’re feeling in the DMs. There’s nothing wrong with letting someone know how you feel — just avoid being overbearing and creepy (as many DMs, especially out-of-the-blue ones, can be).

Try these examples:

“Not gonna lie, I’ve been crushing on you for a while now and I thought it was about time to shoot my shot.”

“I debated sending you something casual and platonic, but the truth is I’m ready to skip right to the flirting if you are.”

Ask Them Out

Finally, you can just straight up ask if your social media cutie wants to grab coffee or a drink some day after work or on the weekend. Sure, it might be a little bold, and you might get a rejection (or no response), but you'll never know if you don't try. “This is super forward and I love it,” says Schneider. “Showing your confidence is always a turn-on.” And if you can do it in a flirty, playful manner, then all the better.

Try these examples:

“You have the best coffee shop taste and I kinda want to go to one with you."

“I’d love to see if you’re as funny IRL as you are on this app. Thoughts on letting me be the judge over drinks?”

Messaging someone over DM is actually a great way to get the ball rolling, so don't be afraid to slide right in there. The worst that can happen is they don't respond — and that’s not the end of the world. “If they don’t respond, leave it be,” says Schneider. “Do not get into scary territory and double or triple message.” You don’t want to be that person.

As with most aspects of dating, it’s best to cut your losses and move on to brighter prospects. The ultimate goal is to find someone who is just as stoked to be talking to you as you are with them. Now, DM slide away!


Perri Schneider, online dating coach

Celina Bond, dating and relationship coach

Shan Boodram, sexologist and intimacy expert

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