Meeting people can feel like such a big challenge sometimes, so when someone slides into your DMs — especially if they're exactly your type — it can be really exciting. It's like someone cute just made their way to you without you even trying, and what's better than that, right?
DM sliding is super commonplace now, much in the same way dating apps have gone from taboo to totally normal and used by most people. But not every DM slide is the same. While some people might slide into your DMs because they're interested in getting to know you and potentially seriously dating you, some are sent with the intention of hooking up. And both of those things are totally fine! But, if you're looking for the former (as in, you want a serious relationship), you have to know what you're getting yourself into.
Before you get too wrapped up in conversation, there are some signs to consider. Does their message convey respect and a genuine interest in you as a person? Does their profile indicate that they're single, or do things seem a little shady? And if you're already talking, are they evasive about meeting up? These are all potential red flags that could show that the person pursuing you isn't actually interested in something serious. So, here's what you need to look out for.
The number one red flag you should watch out for when someone slides into your DMs? If they open with something sexual, ultra-forward, or complimentary of your body.
"If there is something physical or sexual in the DM, this is an immediate red flag for women, and women...won't take it seriously," Alessandra Conti, personal matchmaker at Matchmakers In The City told Elite Daily. Conti added that messages like this will likely go unanswered as soon as they're read.
This approach is only OK when both parties are just looking to hook up (and so long as the messages are respectful). If you want a real love connection, a DM that starts off in a forward, sexual way is likely not going to get you there.
You don't need to full-on internet stalk everyone who slides into your DMs, but if someone does message you and you don't already know them that well, taking a quick look through their profile can definitely help you gauge whether or not you want to keep talking to this person — and perhaps most importantly, if they're already dating someone.
If you're on Instagram, for example, take a look through their pictures. Are they always posting (or tagged in) photos with the same person? Are they recent, and do the captions seem to indicate that they might be dating? If so, that's something to take note of. Of course, it's possible that they're just a close friend, or potentially that they're in an open relationship . In any case, if their profile gives you pause, it'd be good to clarify things before you get too into the conversation.
Another thing to keep an eye out for when you scroll through their profile? Who they're following, and how they interact with others.
Conti noted that, as a matchmaker, she tells clients to look at this sort of thing because it can give you insight into how many people they're talking to aside from you. If you're a woman and a man DMs you, for example, you might look through his following list and comments to see if he's only following and interacting with other attractive women, and if he's flirting a lot. That could definitely be a red flag, Conti pointed out.
And again, it's possible in a scenario like this that this person just happens to have a lot of attractive, close friends, but it's something to be aware of. If what you're looking for really is a serious relationship, this could potentially indicate how seriously they're willing to take things with you.
That's not to say that, if you were in a relationship, following or liking posts from other women is always a red flag, but if it seems like that's the only thing this person is doing, that could pose a problem.
If MTV's Catfish has taught me anything over the years, it's that if someone refuses to meet up with you, that's a red flag — even if they are who they say they are. If you've been talking to someone who slid into your DMs, but they keep making excuses as to why they can't meet up, one of two things could be going on. Either they're hiding something from you (maybe they're a catfish or maybe they are already in a monogamous relationship, for example), or, more likely, they're just not taking your connection seriously.
The reality is, even if they're busy, if they actually want to pursue a relationship with you, they'd have to make time for you — so if they won't, that's a huge red flag. Plus, as Conti pointed out, the longer you go without meeting up, the more likely your connection is to peter out.
"You do want to get it from the DMs to real life as soon as possible, because also, if you're talking for months, it's just like the momentum is dead," she explained.
Not to sound totally obvious, but if someone slides into your DMs and just won't leave you alone if you haven't responded (especially if you've never responded), that's more than a red flag — it's probably harassment. Whether you don't answer because you're busy or because you just aren't feeling it, if someone keeps DMing you and asking for your attention, that's a big problem. Remember: You don't owe them a response just because they want one, especially if they're a stranger on the internet.
When you're DMing someone, you should stick to just saying one thing and then let the other person reply if they want to, according to Conti.
"If they don't reply, do not keep reaching out... Don't take it personally, and just move on," she said. So, if someone refuses to move on from DMing you, that's probably the biggest red flag of all, even if they don't say anything mean or threatening.
In any case, DM sliding is one of those things that needs to be respectful if you want a shot at things actually working out. And if someone has a shady profile or sends you messages that make you uncomfortable? They're not worth your time. If they won't meet up with you despite everything seeming great otherwise? They're probably not taking things seriously, making them also not worth your time.
If what you're looking for is a love connection and a happy, healthy relationship, look for someone who seems open and honest, and who matches the effort you put into things — whether it all starts with a DM slide or not.
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