The Chill Way To Slide Into Someone’s DMs, According To A Communication Expert
If you and your crush exchanged Instagram handles before you exchanged phone numbers, you may be wondering: What's the chill way to slide into someone’s DMs? (Warning: This may be the most #millennial question of all time.) Much like Cardi B's rise to Grammy-winning fame, very few predicted Instagram's potential to become a dating tool, in addition to a social networking app. Although the photo-sharing platform has been around since 2010, in recent years, Instagram has become a hotspot for meeting, macking, and of course, direct messaging.
While it's totally natural to get a little nervous before making the first move, dating and relationship coach Celina Bond says that there's no need to stress. Sending someone you like a thoughtful message on Instagram can be just as chill as liking one of their "recents."
"The chill way to slide into someone's DMs is to be observant and curious about who they are as a person and what they share online," Bond tells Elite Daily. "It’s not about you. It’s about getting to know the other person."
If you've got your eye on someone in your feed, Bond shares four expert tips that will have you instantly sliding into your crush's DMs.
1. Get Your Head In The Game
Although it may feel counterintuitive, the first step to sending a chill DM may actually be putting your phone down. According to Bond, strengthening your confidence IRL can set the stage for the perfect first message. "To build your confidence you must feel confident," Bond says. "Understand your worth, and you’ll be a great fit for someone that values you."
In other words, getting your head in the game can actually help you with your game. You are a multidimensional person with so much to share! Rather than telling yourself your crush isn't going to respond or listing the reasons why they wouldn't be into you, think of all the fantastic things you have to offer and pump yourself up before you message them. Whether you dance in the shower to a Whitney Houston song or go for a jog, feeling calm and confident can help you send a great first message.
2. Don't Focus On Their Looks
Even if you think your crush is totally hot, Bond says that leading with, "You're so hot, you make me drool enough to fill an Olympic-sized pool!" may not be the most chill way to open up a conversation.
"Be witty and playful about what you see without commenting so much on their appearance," Bond says. "The goal is not to put them on a pedestal (which lots of attractive people are used to getting online)."
If your crush is a total hottie (which, like, duh, of course they are!), they may be used to getting generic, "You're hot" messages. Additionally, avoid objectifying them. While giving someone a superficial compliment may feel like an easy ice-breaker, it can also give them off the impression that you're only interested in their appearance. When your crush posts an amazing vacation picture or an #ootd, consider asking about where their next trip will be or where they like to shop. Instead of solely complimenting their looks, thoughtfully engage with them. It can show them that you genuinely care about getting to know them, not just their rockin' bod.
3. Try To Build A Connection
Having a big crush on someone can make you want to press fast-forward. While it can feel difficult to be patient when you're falling head over heels, Bond shares the importance of allowing the connection to grow before asking them out IRL.
"Definitely build a rapport before asking someone out," Bond says. "People need to feel comfortable to want to go out with a stranger."
If you already know your crush IRL or you're in the same friend group, asking them to grab coffee or share a ride to something you're both going to can be super mellow. However, if you just met online, messaging for a bit and getting to know each other can establish a base level of comfort before asking them out. While you certainly don't need to be talking all day, asking how their day was or what books they've been reading before directly asking them out may help them feel a little more at ease.
4. But Have A Purpose
It can be rewarding to build a digital connection with a cutie. However, if you've been messaging for a while with no mention of setting a date, your crush may start to feel more like a pen pal. Additionally, Bond shares that a chill DM can mean being mindful of someone's location and availability.
"So many people message on Instagram, disregarding time and space," Bond says. "Don’t bother starting a convo with someone who lives across the world and get ‘emotionally attached’ from afar."
According to Bond, purpose-driven interactions (i.e., messaging someone knowing that you could feasibly get drinks next week) can be super hot. Maybe your crush is always posting food pictures, or their bio claims they love to hit the town. If so, consider suggesting you both try your favorite taco place or hit up that new nightclub down the street. Set an IRL date that incorporates their URL interests.
If you've got a major Insta crush and you're thinking about the best way to make a move, Bond suggests being patient and working to build a stronger connection. Establishing a good rapport before asking someone out can help make them feel more comfortable. Of course, being confident and feelin' yourself are key to sending a chill DM. You are smart and strong, and you have so much to offer anyone you date — in the DMs and real-life.