If You & Your Partner Have Different Love Languages, Don’t Freak Out & Try This Instead
In relationships, they say opposites attract, and that can be exciting! But when it comes to love languages, it's helpful to be on the same page. Not to have the same love language per say, but rather, to know which one your partner speaks, and make sure they know yours. If you and your partner have different love languages, don't worry. Everyone has their own way of how they like to be shown love, and you and your partner don't have to speak the same love language to be in a happy and healthy relationship. According to an expert, it really all boils down to communication.
In order to even know whether or not you and your partner have different love languages, you first need to know what your love languages actually are. You can take a love languages quiz to find out yours, and perhaps ask your partner do the same. The basis of the love language quiz is all about how "people value different ways of showing love," licensed psychologist Jennifer B. Rhodes tells Elite Daily. There are five different love languages, and you can often be a combination of more than one: words of affirmation, meaning you enjoy being told you're loved; acts of service, which means that you appreciate when your partner does something like clean the apartment; receiving gifts, meaning you like getting a little something every now and then, even if it's just a single flower; physical touch, which could be a massage or something more intimate; and last but certainly not least is quality time, which indicates that you like to hang out with your partner, just the two of you.
Having a different love language than your partner is usually NBD, but if you and bae don't know that you receive love in different ways, that's when it might become an issue, Rhodes says. "Lots of relationship conflicts start off with people believing that their significant other is trying to hurt them on purpose by not giving them what they need to be happy," she explains. The good thing is, there's a way around that, and it's really quite simple: honest communication. "When conflict arises, it is time to ask the question, 'How do you feel most loved?' and be prepared to listen."
If your love language is words of affirmation, but your partner's is giving gifts, then simply tell them that it's important for you that they speak encouraging words to you. "Relationships are here for us to learn and to grow," Rhodes explains. Truth be told, you and your partner don't have to take a quiz to determine your love language. Simply talking about how you like to be shown that you're loved and appreciated should help you both understand each other better, and can allow you to work on supporting each other.
"We all need to grow, and the people in our lives help us do that," she says. "Shift the perception of why the person is not showing you the 'right' love to becoming curious about how to learn to better communicate your needs." You and your partner don't have to have the same love language, but you do need to be honest about what you need from each other, as Rhodes says.
Still, if you aren't feeling taken care of by your partner after you've expressed that you need quality time or words of affirmation, then Rhodes also suggests that it might be time to end things or dive deeper. "If after several attempts to communicate your needs, your partner is still not getting it, then you can think about whether this is the right relationship for both of you," she says.