Even if you and your ex had a messy break up, there's almost always a point in time where you miss them, even if it's just for a minute. That lingering temptation that convinces you that texting your ex is a good idea can be so, so seductive. But sometimes, we really do miss our exes for totally non-trolly reasons, and we genuinely just want to reach out. How to go about it can be tricky, but coming up with the perfect texts to send your ex if you miss them will definitely help.
Depending on how things ended, there may be a pretty high chance that they don't want to hear from you — but of course there is also the possibility that they miss you too and have secretly been hoping you would reach out. If you've decided to take a risk and put yourself out there, you should first be clear on what you honestly want and how your last interaction with them played out. If getting back together is your goal, and the last conversation you had was an intense fight, then you're going to want to use a much different approach than if the split was mutual and you just want to be friends. Here are five texts to send to your ex if you want to start talking again.
1."Hey [Insert Ex's Name Here], you crossed my mind. How's it going? I was thinking maybe we could meet for coffee and catch up some time."
If you and your ex have had some cool-down time — meaning that you've had some contact since the breakup and you don't get the feeling that they're super upset — suggesting a casual meeting is totally OK. However, suggesting specifics of when to meet up can definitely feel like you're applying some pressure. Instead, leaving the ball in their court by suggesting you meet up "some time" is a great way of opening up the possibility without coming across as too pushy. This text is super versatile and can totally work if you just want to reconnect as friends, or if you're interested in getting back together but aren't sure where their head is at.
2. "Hi [Ex's Name], I've been doing some thinking and I really regret how things between us ended. I understand if you're not up to it, but I would really love to see you."
This text should be specifically reserved for when you know you were in the wrong and really want to get back together. It's important to remember that if your ex has requested that you don't contact them, you should respect their wishes. Especially if you did something particularly messed up.
If you suspect they might still be mad but they haven't explicitly told you not to contact them, or it's been more than three months of no contact, touching base should be done with extreme caution.
It's important that you think long and hard about what you've learned and why you think you deserve to be accepted back into their life.
3. "Hey [Ex], just wanted to say congrats on your new job! I know we haven't talked in a while, but I'm really proud of you. We should grab a beer to celebrate, my treat :)"
If you are really missing being friends with your ex, then this is a great text to send when you find out that they've accomplished something cool! Congratulating your ex is a nice way to show that you still care.
This text, however, does not make it absolutely clear what exactly you want. In this case, it's a good idea to let them know what your intentions are when you meet up. Being direct about what you want is the best way to avoid a misunderstanding later.
4. "Hey [Ex's Name Here], it's been too long. How are you? Are you back in the city? If so, maybe we can grab lunch!"
Sometimes there’s that ex you low-key can’t stop thinking about. Even if it’s been years, they still somehow manage to wiggle their way into your head. If it comes to your attention that they are back in town, there’s nothing wrong with dropping them a casual line to say hi. If you’re hoping to see if there’s still a spark but are too nervous to make your intentions known, offering to get lunch is totally a safe bet. Lunch screams friend zone, but if it turns out there’s still a spark, then why not grab a drink afterwards?
5. "Hey [Ex], I just wanted to check in. Let me know if and when you're ready to talk. I just want you to know that I really care about you and hope we can still be friends at some point in the future."
If you and your ex recently broke up but you really want to maintain a platonic friendship, sending a text to “check in” without asking for anything —i.e., pressuring them to meet up, telling them you “need” to talk, etc — is a solid way to let them know. Sending messages that don’t require a response allows your ex to decide if or when they will respond. By giving them the power to continue or ignore the dialogue, you’re basically saying “I’m here if you need me.”
Deciding to reach out to your ex can be v stressful, but just remember: You shouldn't force someone into something they aren't ready for. If your ex is ignoring your contact or doesn't want to talk, then not respecting that is probably going to do more harm than good.