6 Ways To Stay Friends With An Ex
The term "breakup" usually has this nasty connotation that something horrible happened, forcing you and your partner to split on bad terms.
But that's not always the case.
If you look at Chris Evans and Jenny Slate, two incredibly perfect human beings, their relationship fizzled out because they considered themselves to be on totally different sides of the Hollywood spectrum in the sense of industry popularity.
In several interviews, the two said they have nothing but the utmost complimentary and heartwarming things about each other, praising their work, their values and the love in their hearts.
Jenny Slate said to Vulture,
Chris is truly one of the kindest people I've ever met, to the point where sometimes I would look at him and it would kind of break my heart. His heart is probably golden-colored, if you could paint it.
Despite their breakup, it's clear that they still care for each other and will go on being great friends.
It's probably easier said than done, but remaining on good terms with your ex is a possibility, if you put in the right amount of effort. Or if you're Captain America. I mean, who doesn't want to remain friends with fucking Captain America?
Below are six tips to assist you in being friendly with that ex of yours.
Spend some quality time apart.
You may want to go on with your friendship and pretend as if nothing ever happened, but a breakup is still a breakup.
Your desire to have that person in your life can exist, but before you jump back into regularly scheduled hangouts, you need some time to cope (even if you think you don't).
Time apart will help you to get grounded and acknowledge yourself as one person instead one-half of a couple. Giving each other space will remove any anger or resentment you have, allowing for a new place in your heart to build that's capable of having you two interact on good terms.
Distance does make the heart grow fonder, and it will make you appreciate your ex in that “friend” light without any romantic attachments.
Acknowledge that you two broke up for a reason.
It doesn't matter why you and your ex broke up.
In some scenarios, the relationship ended so poorly with vicious spats that trying to salvage a friendship is extremely tough. In other scenarios, the two of you may have been too busy to make time for another.
No matter the case, it's important to realize that things just weren't meant to work.
Coming to an agreement, or some type of conclusion, will bring closure and allow for you to move onto to the friendship step on good terms.
Everything happens for a reason. So instead of pretending that a relationship would be possible, it's best to just accept that the breakup happened, and stick with it.
Schedule your first hangouts in public.
Once you've reached the point of face-to-face interaction, it's best to keep things light and casual. Don't hang out in one of your respective apartments, and don't choose a location that may suggest you want to take them home to your apartment post-meeting.
Instead, aim for coffee or a drink at a place that's midway between where you both live. Try your best to avoid any places that remind you of the once-relationship or anywhere that screams “romance.”
Yes, you two aren't together anymore, so it shouldn't matter, but it'll be extremely awkward if you end up somewhere that's constantly reminding you of the relationship you two once had.
In order to stay on that level of good terms, make sure to find yourselves interacting in scenarios that won't bring up any past indiscretions. Stick to the present and focus on your newfound friendship instead.
Avoid referring them as your “ex.”
While it's true that this person is your ex, that doesn't mean you should constantly refer to them as such.
You've moved on and are ready for the next phase of your relationship with them as a friend, without the reminder that you two were former lovers.
All that prompt will do is cloud your mind and not allow you to focus on what's going on in the moment: that you're friends now. Dating is no longer on the table, so stop talking about it.
An ex may be what they are, but make a conscious effort to call them a friend — or by their name — without acknowledging them as someone you were previously dating.
If you want to be on good terms with your ex, stop referring to them as that. Don't have them think you're hung up on the breakup.
It'll also save you the trouble of explaining to other people why you broke up in the first place.
Don't hook up with each other.
This is probably a point that should be fairly obvious, but sometimes it's what's right in of our face that we tend to forget.
If you've yet to move on to someone else and yearning for some action, don't get overtly flirtatious with the ex you're trying to make into a friend. There should be no touching of body parts whatsoever, under any circumstance.
And especially no sex.
Sex just makes everything worse in these types of situation, and any ounce of sexual attraction needs to be wrapped up and thrown in the nearest dumpster immediately.
Having sex just opens up a door that you've already closed, and ruins any progress you've made toward being on good terms. You know feelings will come back into play, and that certainly won't end well for either parties involved.
I know they're hot, but my God, control yourself.
Don't give yourself false hope of rekindling the relationship.
In the early stages of this new friendship, you may start to feel things that you felt in the past.
You're hanging out again, you're smiling, laughing. It's extremely possible to mistake the fun you're having for an opportunity to go for round two, but don't get confused.
Refrain from questioning if a second chance is an option, because that will eliminate the option of being friends. Would you want to sacrifice having that person in your life if things go South again?
I doubt it.
If you want to remain on good terms with your ex, don't jump to conclusions at the first sign of you two being civil. Instead, remain optimistic of the fact that despite breaking up, it is completely possible to have them in your life. And on good terms.
It takes a lot of willpower, for sure, but it's a decision that I bet will be worth it in the long run.