Here's What To Do If An Ex Wants To Get Back Together, But You're Not Feeling It
After a breakup, there may have been a period of time when all you wanted was one more shot at your relationship. But as you began to heal from the heartbreak and move on with your life, this longing for one more chance began to fade. Eventually, you got over your ex and started feeling excited about the next chapter of your life. Cue the infamous "I miss you" and "Let's try again" texts from your ex. Like clockwork. If an ex wants to get back together but you don't, figuring out how to let them down easy can be hard — especially if you ended your relationship amicably.
If the two of you had a really great relationship, the idea of possibly re-kindling it might be tempting for a second. But it's important to remember "the same reasons why you decided to end the relationship will more than likely still be at play in the relationship," Dr. Benjamin Ritter, founder of Live for Yourself Consulting and The Breakup Supplement, tells Elite Daily. He says that "if you can't imagine reliving that relationship, then stop thinking about it."
Once the mild temptation wears off, the next step is to kindly tell your ex that you're not interested in getting back together. "Respectfully tell them that you are focused on living in the present and that you do not believe that reverting back to the past will be of any benefit to your life going forward," Trina Leckie, breakup coach and host of the breakup BOOST podcast, tells Elite Daily. "There is no other way to handle this, other than being honest and direct. You need to do what is right for you, and stay true to yourself."
Like Leckie says, be honest; it might be better than beating around the bush for the purpose of sparing their feelings. In the long run, they'll probably appreciate your candor because you didn't lead them on. "You can't give them false hope or think that the situation might change," dating coach and relationship expert James Preece tells Elite Daily. "Be sensitive about their feelings and do listen to what they have to say. If possible, suggest being friends and see how that works out. You just need to be clear that it's never going to go anywhere [near a relationship] again."
Even a slow let-down might give your ex the wrong impression that the two of you could be something again in the future. We all know what it's like to obsess over someone you like when they watch your Insta stories or like all your photos. If you keep virtually communicating with an ex, they might fall under the impression that you're interested, even if it is just a harmless like.
"Sadly, when someone is really into you, especially an ex, a chance entails literally any communication or engagement," says Dr. Ritter. "Meaning, any decision to hang out, response, 'like' on social media, etc., gives your ex the idea that there might still be a chance." When this happens, Ritter suggests backing off completely. It might seem abrupt, but in the big picture, you're doing yourself and your ex a favor. This way, they'll have no room to doubt that you are, in fact, not at all interested in pursuing anything further with them. Period.