Before You Get Back Together With Your Ex, Ask Them These 9 Questions
Do you miss your ex sometimes? As the weather changes, do you remember visiting amusement parks with them and eating their fried dough (the food, obviously — I don't know what you were thinking of). Would it ever cross your mind to get back together with your ex? Depending on the relationship, it could be the right move for you. Relationships can end for a variety of reasons, such as distance, but that doesn't necessarily mean the people weren't meant to be partners. So, getting back with an ex could definitely be a good idea for some of us.
If you do want to get back together with your ex, it can be helpful to communicate about why the relationship ended the first time around. It's better if you have both put everything out in the open to avoid falling into old patterns and mistakes. I have exes I would date again for sure if we lived in the same place, but there are some topics I'd like to cover before I jumped back in. If you've been missing your ex and want to give the relationship another chance, it could be worth reaching out to them when you're ready.
But before you do, read on to find nine critical questions to ask an ex before you reunite.
1. Would You Be Open To Getting Back Together?
This is question number one to ask an ex. If they're not into it, then it's not worth pursuing.
2. Why Did The Relationship End The First Time?
You may have your own ideas of why it ended, but it's also really helpful to hear what they think. Even if the two of you discussed it at length at the time of the breakup, it's very possible their feelings on it have changed. It's important to make sure you know where they stand on the breakup before you dive back in — that way, you can avoid making past mistakes.
3. What Have You Learned During Our Time Apart?
You're not trying to put them on the spot with this question — they don't have to pull out a degree and prove they've been working. You just want to know if their thoughts on relationships have shifted and if there's any change in outlook that might affect the relationship. Be sure to share what you've learned as well — open communication is always healthy.
4. What Would You Have Done Differently In Our Relationship?
Again, you're not trying to point fingers here. You're just trying to understand exactly how they felt about the relationship so you don't repeat past mistakes. Maybe your relationship ended very amicably, but it's still helpful to know if there's any part they wish they could rewind.
5. What Do You Wish I'd Done Differently In Our Relationship?
If you're going to ask them what they would have changed, it's important to listen to what they think you should have changed. This question isn't a chance for them to tell you what's wrong with you, it's a chance for you to communicate and iron out any past issues. And maybe they thought you were perfect, in which case, asking this question is an especially good idea because that's a wonderful thing to hear!
6. What Issues Do You Think Were Left Unresolved?
This can be any type of issue — anything from sharing toothpaste to having children is on the table. Asking this question will let you know what you're working with, and you'll know what you're jumping back into. Maybe you don't feel like any issues were left unresolved, but that's all the more reason to get their perspective as well.
7. How Has Your Life Changed Since We Broke Up?
The purpose of this question isn't to find out if you breaking up with them ruined their life forever (although I'm not going to stand here and say I never thought about that). It's to find out if there were old issues in the relationship that had to do with them that maybe have cleared up.
8. Are You Willing To Work Through Problems From Our Past?
The willingness to work on problems is critical. No relationship is perfect, and there were probably some reasons why it ended the first time. As long as they're on board to work through the issues with you, then getting back together with them can be a healthy choice.
9. What Does An Ideal Relationship Look Like To You?
This is a great question to ask at the start of any relationship! It gives you an idea of what they're looking for, and it can be really helpful when seeing if your visions for the future align. Just because your ideal relationships don't match doesn't mean it won't work out — it just provides you with context for why your partner wants certain things in a relationship.
Getting back together with an ex can be the right move for many. You liked them once, so why wouldn't you like them again? Before you dive back in, it can be really useful to ask them a few questions to make sure you're starting out on the right foot. And if it doesn't work out, that's totally OK too — you will find to person you're meant to be with. Asking questions upfront ensures that the doors of communication will be wide open, as will the doors to your heart!