Getting back together with an ex can tempting. You already know each other, you loved each other, and you probably worked well together for a while. But you broke up for a reason, so knowing how much time should pass before considering getting back together with an ex can help you understand if rekindling is best for both of you. Like most things in a relationship, the amount of time that passes depends on you, on them, and on your previous relationship and subsequent breakup.
"It really depends on why the breakup happened," breakup coach and host of the breakup BOOST podcast, Trina Leckie, tells Elite Daily. "If it was over something really trivial, for example, you may be able to patch things up in a day or two. If it was over something more serious, it’s a good idea to take a month apart so that you have time to get your emotions in check and get clarity about the situation. Often, when people get back together too quickly, it’s just due to attachment, fear, and loneliness. Then, they get back together and find themselves arguing about the same problems within days."
Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, echoes Leckie's thought process and agrees the timing depends on you. "Depending on the reason you broke up, timing can matter," she tells Elite Daily. "If it's something like a few problems that need to be worked through on your ex's own, without you being in a relationship, then enough time to see everything has been resolved is all you need." Sometimes, time apart is exactly what you and your ex-bae may need to refocus on yourselves, and on the relationship. It can give you the chance to gain a fresh perspective. "General rule of thumb: If whatever reason you broke up over is no longer going to be an issue, it's safe to wade back in," she says.
But the amount of time since your breakup, and whether or not the problems have been solved, aren't the only things you should consider when you're thinking about getting back together with an ex. You should also think about how you feel about a possible reconciliation. Be real with yourself. "Do you truly have faith it will work, or deep down, do you feel like you’re fooling yourself?" Leckie points out. "If trust was broken, are you going to be able to get past it, or are you going to keep bringing it up, only to cause more arguments? Are they truly the right match for you or do you just miss not having 'someone'?" It can be really important to ask yourself these questions before jumping right back into your relationship because they might help you see why you want to try again in the first place, and if you truly believe in yours and your ex's potential.
Getting back together with an ex can be a good thing — if you've done the introspection, spent time working through your past problems, and both of you are willing to give it an honest effort. "If both people have grown in their relationship skills, it could feel like a new relationship," Monica Parikh, dating and relationships coach at School of Love NYC, tells Elite Daily. But she also said that the relationship might suffer the same hardships if the parties involved stayed in the exact same headspace as before. "Both should be [in] a place where [they] are striving to be their best selves for the other," she says.
It can be easy to think, "I love them, I miss them, so we can figure everything else out along the way," but in general, it may be better to get to the root of the problem before you decide to try again. "Both people have to take responsibility, accountability, and acknowledge what they need to change, and then actually make the changes," Leckie says. "Both people have to be willing and able to let go of the past and concentrate on the now." If you and/or your ex can't agree to work on things together moving forward, then getting back together may not be the best thing for you, and that's OK.
So, how much time should you wait before you consider getting back with an ex? Well, it really just depends on you, and on them. What was the reason for the breakup? Do you want to get back together for the right reasons? Can you work through your problems? These are all important questions to ask yourself — more so than how much time has passed. If you find that getting back together with your ex maybe isn't the best thing for you or them, don't fret. "The world is a big place," Parikh says. If your ex isn't the one(s) for you, somebody else will be.