Whether you just ended things with a boo, or you've been broken up for a while, it's natural to think about getting back together. Whether you miss their silly jokes or bomb cooking — looking back on a past relationship can sometimes stir up some major emotions. The trip down memory lane can be bittersweet, so it's not always easy to know, if given the chance, would you get back together with your most significant ex?
Of course, not all relationships leave happy memories, and if your ex was kind of a massive jerk, or didn't treat you like the flawless angel you are, you may have no qualms about leaving them in the past. If your relationship ran it's course, it's totally natural to be totally moved on. Maybe you can't even stand the sight of your ex, or maybe you've become such good friends that the idea of dating again seems super weird. No matter the situation, the choice to keep your ex your ex is totally your own.
You know what's right for you, and if never getting back together, like, ever, feels right, well crank up that 2011 T-Swift and dance all night — like these eight women did.
I think in the first days or weeks after the breakup all I wanted was for him to be like, 'Wait, no I love you! I want to be with you!' But I kind of realized that was more of me not realizing that I deserve better and that he had already proven to me that he wasn't able to be a good boyfriend. I think I just wanted him to like be back for validation or to show that the whole relationship wasn't a waste or something.
— Jenn, 24
I was supposed to get back with my ex, but he never really changed. He cheated on me once when we were on our break, after we broke up he slept with my friend. He said he wanted to change, and asked for a year to do it. He'd text me every night. He'd send me nice messages.
I'm a strong believer in change, but he broke my trust and he really broke my heart. A week or two later he asked if I was ready to try this again. No I wasn't. How could I. How was it OK for him to move on that fast? How was it OK he was able to fix his sex coping mechanisms? I finally broke and I stood up for myself. He left. Blocked me on all platforms. Don't know whether that's childish or that's pain.
Boundaries are important. If I took them back after what happened, it would signal to them that what they did was OK or that it's OK to treat me badly if they're going to say sorry after. I had to be strong and set a boundary.
— Kim, 26
Yes, they were my first serious girlfriend. Yes, I came out to my family because I didn't want to hide them. Yes, we shared very similar world views and opinions and likes and dislikes. No, we are not getting back together.
We separated because they moved across the country.
Maybe they're willing to pretend that all those issues that plagued us when we were physically together don't exist when you're across the country, but I'm not. I remember. I remember driving myself crazy trying to think of ways to compromise, to make things work. So, no. Even when they come back to visit next year, no. We are not getting back together.
— jjml95
I’ve seriously thought about asking my ex to flat out tell me he doesn’t love me anymore, [that] he doesn’t regret his decision to end things. Some days (like today) I think I need to hear that so I can just move on, but I also think he already told me those thing by dumping me (or at least that’s what I keep telling myself).
— drogonz
Tell yourself 'They ended it. I had no choice in that. They dictated that, made that choice unilaterally. Cool. I decide to get over this without them. They don't own that much of my head space, why are they living rent free on my thoughts? I'm stronger than this heartbreak.' Strength. It's in you.
Of course, if you're thinking you want to get back with your ex, only you know what feels right. Sometimes with enough open communication — trust, love, and respect can rebuild overtime But if your gut is telling you to leave your ex in the past, it's always OK to say Thank U, Next.
