If you've recently decided to give a former flame another shot, you're probably going to want to start off on the right foot. And sometimes, analyzing your motivations for getting back together with an ex, and making sure that those motivations align with your long-term goals, could set the stage for a successful reunion. The things to remember if you’re getting back together may vary depending on why you decided to call it quits, but they're helpful nonetheless.
To find out the most important things you should consider when giving a relationship with your ex another shot, I spoke to prominent LA-based couples' therapist Dr. Gary Brown. According to Dr. Brown, having a clear understanding of why things ended is key. "Even before you decide to get back to your ex, it will likely be helpful to ask yourself why you split up to begin with," Dr. Brown tells Elite Daily. "What were the reasons it ended before and, most importantly, are those reasons still potentially in play?" If you realize that the issues that led to the breakup haven't changed or improved, then it's definitely a good idea to make sure you're getting back together for the right reasons. Here are some other things to consider that might help you make the best decision for you.
"Timing is important," says Dr. Brown. "Why are you considering getting back together now? What has happened in both of your lives to bring you to this decision now?" If you realize that you've both matured since you first began dating, there's nothing wrong with exploring the relationship potential from your newfound perspectives.
According to Dr. Brown, when a couple with prior history decides to get back together, letting go of what happened in the past is paramount. Ask yourself: "Is it possible that there's still some unfinished business, such as the residue of an affair, chronic and bitter arguments, or any other unresolved conflicts?" If there's still some bad blood between the two of you, working this out before diving back in may be a good way to avoid falling into the same rut.
"Are you wanting to reunite simply to cure feelings of loneliness and desperation?" asks Dr. Brown. If so, this may not be reason enough for the relationship to work out in the end. On the other hand, if it's clear that you are both willing to put in the effort to repair your relationship, then give it a shot.
"Do the vast majority of your friends and family cringe at the idea of the two of you getting back together, or is everyone in general agreement that the two of you are a good match?" asks Dr. Brown. If the former is true, then this could be a red flag. At the end of the day, who you choose to date is your decision. However, if the people whose opinions you trust have reservations, it may be worth it to ask yourself if their concerns are valid.
No matter how tempting it can be to go back to what's familiar, it's also important to make sure that you're doing it for the right reasons. Ultimately, only you and your ex can know for certain if there's still a connection worth pursuing, and if so, then moving forward together might not be a bad thing.
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