One of the things that always surprises me after a breakup is how much time the relationship filled in my life. Suddenly, it seems like there are so many hours in the day, and I don’t know what to do with them — except mope, of course. While moping is definitely part of the breakup process, you don't want to get stuck doing it for too long, because it can pretty quickly go from much-needed healing time to a really bad habit. And it won't help you feel less alone after a breakup. So while it's OK to give yourself a couple of days to just sulk and lick your wounds, after that, it’s time to start coping one day at a time.
A big part of getting over a breakup is to beat the "loneliness" that inevitably comes calling after a split. But to shake it off, you need a plan of action. It doesn't have to be epic — just some small things to help get you back up and to let the people who love you know that you need a helping hand. That way, they can be there to help lift you up when you need it most. Here's how to do it, according to the experts.
1. Keep Your Mind Busy By Committing To A Project
The first step to break out of the loneliness cycle is to do something productive. You don’t even have to leave your house, so long as you're doing something that can give you a sense of accomplishment. NYC relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter tells Elite Daily that this can be anything, like "cleaning out your closet, painting the bathroom, or tuning up your mountain bike," assuming it "keeps your mind focused in the future rather than the past."
"Firstly, you stay busy," Winter says. "Secondly, you feel a sense of direction and purpose. And thirdly, your accomplishments are visible. Seeing signs of success are especially important after a breakup."
2. Cut Off All Contact With Your Ex, Both IRL And Online
The next step to feeling less alone is to eliminate as many triggers as you possibly can. That means ditching all the stuff your ex left behind or that makes you think of them. "Dissolve all accounts, numbers, and names that lead to this person,” Audrey Hope, a celebrity relationship expert, told Bustle. "Do a complete energy makeover and stay clear of their negative energy." The reason this is important is that "absence will help you heal."
3. Channel All That Energy Into Doing Something You Love
Use all the energy you are putting into moping into something that will actually make you feel better instead. One way to do this is by returning to something you are passionate about, or if you're ready to take a risk, trying something new that you've always wanted to. One of the benefits of all the extra time you have on your hands is that you're free to use it for a new adventure. "Be passionate and grateful about daring to dream again," Hope told Bustle.
4. When In Doubt, Work It Out
While it may sound impossible when you're still in last week’s pajamas, the best defense against loneliness is simply moving your body. "Getting out and moving is really essential because it’s almost the opposite of what we feel like doing, which is shutting down and feeling sorry for ourselves," Sheri Meyers, marriage therapist and author of Chatting or Cheating, told the Huffington Post. And there is nothing quite like a rush of endorphins to give you a quick, much-needed boost.
5. Summon Your Girl Squad
Of course, the best antidote for being alone is to surround yourself with the people who love and support you: your friends and family. Winter suggests taking this a step further by enlisting what she calls a "positivity partner." "Choose a friend or family member to be your ally over the next few weeks," she says. "For best results, this should be someone who is optimistic and motivating."
The reason this works is because you've got an ally who has agreed to help keep you feeling positive when everything in you wants to do the opposite. "This type of buddy system offers reinforcement when you feel yourself slipping into seclusion and sadness," she continues. "It also works as an accountability test to keep you focused on your personal healing and advancement."
6. Call In A Professional
There is one more thing to consider if you are feeling lonely and you just can’t seem to shake the breakup blues: calling in a professional. Consider speaking to a therapist or a counselor who can be someone you can pour out all your feelings to and who can walk you through some coping techniques.
While breaking out of the cycle of loneliness after a breakup does take a little effort, it’s actually easier than you think. The more you put into it, the easier it becomes. Before you know it, you'll be feeling like your old self again and ready to break some new hearts.
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