4 Things Experts Say About Ending Your Relationship, & They’re So Helpful
The decision to break up with someone isn't always easy. No matter how long your relationship lasted, or what's weighing down your bond now, it can be difficult to make up your mind to end a relationship. Just about anyone who has ended a relationship knows the struggle, so you're definitely not alone. It can seem like a huge deal to break up with someone, but it doesn't have to be scary or intimidating. There are some super helpful things experts say about ending your relationship that could come in handy. Whether you've only just started thinking about ending things, or if you're all ready to call it quits, this advice will be useful.
There's no doubt that deciding to end a relationship can be stressful, and even a little frightening. But it's important to remember that you deserve to be happy, and if your relationship isn't making you happy, you have every right to end it. "If you are scared to end your relationship, that likely means that you are just fearful of the unknown, not that you actually want to stay in the relationship," Trina Leckie, breakup BOOST podcast host, tells Elite Daily. "Even if you know that the relationship needs to come to an end, it is hard to let go of someone you spent a lot of time with."
If you need some tips before formally calling it quits, then read on for top-notch expert advice on ending a relationship.
1. You're not being mean by breaking up with them.
A lot of times, people are afraid to end a relationship because they don't want to hurt their partner. But according to Leckie, in this scenario, breaking up is doing them a kindness. "Know that even if it is really difficult and painful, you are doing the right thing vs. letting the relationship drag on," Leckie explains. "Staying in something that is no longer working would be doing both of you a disservice."
The thing is, "The sooner you end the relationship, the sooner you can start the healing process and move on with the next chapter of your life," Leckie adds.
Remember that you're in charge of your life, and if you don't want to be in the relationship you're in, end it.
2. Do it in person.
It might seem simpler to end things over the phone with a text or a call, but Leckie stresses that that's really not wise. "Meet up with them in person, preferably at their home," Leckie says. "You don’t want them to be caught off guard in a public setting where they may become very emotional."
If you don't know how to being the conversation, she suggests trying to stay upbeat. "Start off the conversation by saying something positive about them and about the time you shared together (to soften the blow a bit)," she says. "Explain why you have decided that you no longer want to be in the relationship and allow them to ask any questions they may have so they don’t feel like they missed out on getting closure. Anticipate that they may get upset or even angry, but it is imperative to stay calm and compassionate. You want to put yourself in their shoes."
More than anything, Leckie says to "avoid the text message breakup at all costs. It’s cold, immature, cowardly, and insensitive." Remember, you cared for this person at one point — and you might still! — so try to respect them enough to be honest and kind in your breakup. At the very least, do it in person.
3. Don't trash-talk them.
Sure, if your ex was a cheating jerk you have every right to complain to your friends about them. But, one expert recommends not jumping head-first into trash talk. "When deciding on ending the relationship and talking to other people about your relationship, try to refrain from highlighting negative things about your ex," Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and clinician, tells Elite Daily.
But why shouldn't you? "Simply because it disrespects you," Silva adds. "After all, you were in the relationship with the person. When you retell events or character flaws, the person listening will wonder why you were in the relationship to begin with. Utilize your discussions to be about rebuilding yourself and not diminishing the other person because that doesn’t improve your sense of self. It may feel good in the short-term, but not long-term."
Additionally, you probably had strong, positive feelings for this person, so avoiding the trash talk is also about respecting them and the relationship. You probably wouldn't want them to diss you right now, right?
4. Ultimately, only you will know what to do.
At the end of the day, if you find yourself debating whether or not to call off a relationship, you have to do some self-reflecting. "You possess the answers to all that you are feeling and you know your truth," Silva says. If you tolerate too much negativity in your relationship, it can result in "unhealthy behaviors," she adds. This then "can create confusion around" what a happy and healthy relationship is supposed to look like.
Don't forget that you deserve to be in a relationship that builds you up. "When you find yourself doubting yourself or scared to commit to your decision of ending it, returning to the point of who you were before the relationship puts you in a place of empowerment rather than psychological persecution," she adds. "It’s within understanding the unhealthy relationships that we find ourselves and gets us closer to a healthy relationship."
Remember that you deserve a good, happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship — with or without your current partner.