As your relationship gets more serious, topics such as moving in together, getting engaged, and maybe even marriage, may start to come up in one way or another. If you find yourself wanting to spend more and more time with your partner, perhaps under the same roof, you may begin thinking about bringing up the possibility of moving in together. But if you're not sure your partner feels the same way and you're feeling a little nervous about bringing it up, keep an eye out for these tiny things you'll notice if your partner isn't ready to move in together just yet.
If you're ready to take that step, but your partner is not, it may not be in the relationship's best interests to pressure them. "Respect their timeline and that it doesn't match up with yours," dating coach Diana Dorell tells Elite Daily. "If things are going well otherwise, and you are happy in the relationship, honoring that space and their decision to hold off moving in is a good idea." You don't want to make your partner feel like you're forcing them to move in together before they're ready, but it's important to remember that just because bae may not be ready yet, doesn't mean they won't be one day or that they don't love you. Chances are they're as in love with you as ever, but it's just too soon for them to take that step.
Before bringing up moving in together to your partner, Dorrell recommends checking your own intentions for wanting to take that step. Is it because you really just want to live with them, or is there some ulterior reason, like saving money or a possible engagement that could stem from cohabitating? "Trust that it will happen naturally if you are meant to take this next step," she says, and recommends "making it known that this is something you desire in the future and making sure that's an option for them sometime down the line," too.
So, without further ado, these are a few of the things you may notice if your partner isn't ready to move in with you right this second.
If your partner knows you want to live together, but they really don't want to, they'll probably avoid the subject any time you bring it up. "The method of avoidance can be done by deflection, humor, or changing the subject," Susan Winter, an NYC-based relationship expert and love coach, tells Elite Daily. "No matter which direction your partner deviates, you won't be able to have a concrete conversation on this topic."
When your friends take the next step in their relationship and decide to move in with their partner, it makes complete sense that you would be happy for them. They're approaching a huge milestone in their relationship, and it can be really exciting for them and for you as their friend. But if bae isn't exactly for moving in together at this moment, "rather than being happy for your friends who are cohabitating, your partner brings up a litany of problems that this creates," Winter says. "He or she may cite financial issues that will ultimately ruin the relationship, or that too much togetherness creates boredom."
Picture this: You and your SO just had the most incredible weekend together. You're cuddled up in bed, watching movies, not watching movies (if you catch my drift), and it's perfect. But then the second the sun sets on Sunday, bae bolts. "They state the necessity of why they must return to their own residence," Winter explains. "Reasons may include that they need to sleep soundly in order to function well at work, or that they need their space to focus, be creative, or remain centered."
On the other hand, maybe you've spent every weekend at their place, and you want to leave a couple things there so you don't have to lug them around every weekend. But when you try leaving a toothbrush or contact solution, your partner brings it up and asks you to take whatever you left home. "Your partner may not be ready to move in yet if they are very rigid about their living spaces and unable to compromise over things like organization, routines, and tidiness," founder of Blush Life Coaching, Kali Rogers, tells Elite Daily.
Perhaps your partner doesn't stay over longer than the weekend or a night or two during the week because they need their own space, which is totally understandable. But if your partner constantly needs alone time, moving in together may not be the best thing for your relationship at the moment. "This could be an indication that they are not ready for the next level of commitment that is required when you are with each other more often quite yet," Dorrell explains.
If bae doesn't feel the need to have their alone time on the daily, but when the two of you get into arguments they tend to retreat to their home, that could also mean they're not ready. "When you live together, there is no escape," Rogers reminds us. "Your space is their space! It's essential to get comfortable with that idea and learn how to navigate that challenge through good times and bad."
The only thing you can really do if your partner seems uninterested in moving in together right now is talk about it with them. Tell them how you're feeling, why you want to take this big step, and be open to hearing why they may not be ready just yet. "Moving in together requires preparation," Rogers says. "These decisions shouldn't be made impulsively — they require a ton of thought. So, if you notice that your partner tends to retreat away when things get tense, does not compromise on their living situation at their place or with their routine (or yours), or is having trouble with patience/understanding/communication in the relationship, discuss how you two can work through it and what your eventual goal is."
Remember, moving in together is a big step. You may think it won't be that different because you and your partner basically spend all your time at each other's places anyways, but it's not the same thing. If your SO isn't ready right now, give them time. You've probably had certain things you weren't ready for, and bae understood. They deserve the same from you. "You two can actively work toward that goal by learning how to deal with conflict in the moment, releasing some control over living spaces (and endless other things!), and summoning up patience on top of patience," Rogers says.
