Should You Talk To The Person You're Dating Every Day? 3 Reasons You Don't Have To
When you first get together with someone, it might feel really great to talk to the person you're dating every day. Swept away by new feelings and newness, you want to stay connected to affirm your feelings for each other. You want to check in with them, tell them what a nice time you had the last time you hung out, and find out how their day went. Over time, though, checking in with your new partner every day can devolve into talking to them constantly, especially over text.
Talking to one another constantly isolates you from the outside world. Conversations you might otherwise carry on with friends or even strangers all become channeled to your partner. In a healthy relationship, though, your social relationships don't suffer. So figuring out how often and through what means you are going to talk to the person you're dating is important to establish expectations in a relationship. Part of those expectations, for both of you, is knowing that the person you are seeing can't be your everything. Keep in mind the importance of staying as connected to all of your friends as you were before.
Deciding not to talk every day might help you both retain some boundaries that are important for the following reasons.
1. You Need Space For Yourself
The best relationships give you space where you can still feel single in some respect — meaning, you still nurture other aspects of your life. If you are secure in your relationship, it's actually meaningful and productive for you to take a step back from it when you are apart. That way, when you are together, you are completely together. When you're on your own, you can connect back to yourself.
Staying in tune with what you want and who you are is important for a relationship, as it allows you to continue growing. The relationship will keep up with you if it is meant to happen that way, but ensuring that you and your partner are whole people lessens up the pressure you're putting on the relationship to carry itself forward. You are the vehicle, not your relationship. You don't need to talk to the person you're dating every day to remind yourself of your direction.
2. You Know You'll Circle Back Around Anyway
Talking to your partner every day over text can make it feel like the relationship mostly exists in your phone. That doesn't even work for a long-distance relationship. Sometimes, consistently talking to your partner every day can make it feel like you are spending quality time together when you really aren't. There's no comparison to connecting in person, face to face, and skin to skin.
You don't need to talk to your partner every day, because you understand that the two of you will circle back around to one another after each time you part. A balanced relationship allows you to move through life separately and then return again. It's like the relationship between the ocean and the moon. You stay in sync, but you stay whole within yourselves. In a secure relationship, you don't need to talk all of the time because you know your rhythms will match up naturally
3. Talking Constantly Builds Codependency
I am definitely guilty of using my phone to channel all of my emotions and anxieties at any given time. When in a committed relationship, the person who is usually getting these text bursts is my partner. They have to be there for me, right?
Well, the fluidity of texting as communication makes it harder to build in a separate space for yourself and your emotions. You probably wouldn't spill all your emotions on your partner constantly in person, but talking constantly through text opens that space up. You'll find yourself returning to your phone whenever you get bored at work, whenever you feel insecure or conflicted, in order to find affirmation from your partner.
You don't need to be in constant communication with your partner to have confidence in their feelings for you or in whether or not the relationship is working. Text creates distance while also heightening the intensity of communication. In order to really know what a person is saying and feeling, you need to hear it in their tone of voice. You don't need to stay in touch constantly, because talking over text all of the time makes it much too easy to read between the lines and even create an insecurity that doesn't actually exist.
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