You don’t have to wait for them to text you first.
It can take a bit (or a lot) of trial and error to figure out your approach when you first enter the dating world. But once you finally land a great first date, what on earth are you supposed to text them afterwards? You walked away from the night feeling super smitten and want to let them know you’re totally down for round two — without scaring them away. Texting after a first date is tricky, and it’s easy to over-analyze what to say, so it’s not a bad idea to keep some solid text ideas in your arsenal.
For some, it can be tempting to play hard to get and pretend like you’re not that interested. While this is definitely a strategy some people swear by, transparency can be refreshing when you’re meeting someone new. If your date is into you, they’ll be pumped to know you want to see them again. And if they’re not feeling it? You’ll get the hint much sooner by being honest about your feelings. So, texting after a first date can be a great way to find out where someone stands.
But when, exactly, is the best time to text someone after a great first date? “There really is no ideal time to text because our decision-making process, fear of rejection, and our need for validation varies based on personality, age, and desire for a healthy relationship,” says relationship coach and behavioral scientist Clarissa Silva. “That second date is just the beginning of figuring out if you both are compatible.”
While there are no hard-and-fast rules, consider waiting until the next morning. Assuming you both had a good time, allowing a night for processing can give you both the chance to get amped up. Letting them question if things went as well as they thought, followed by positive reinforcement the next morning, shows you're interested but not overly eager. But if your date sends you a cute goodnight text, don’t hesitate to respond when you receive it.
Relationship expert Susan Winter tells Elite Daily that a blend of confidence and warmth is important with new connections. “We need to show interest to encourage forward movement, but we do so with delicacy and taste,” she says. “We can open the door, but we're not going to drag them through it. That's on their end — the best we can do is show a willingness to keep the interaction going.”
As for what to text after a first date, here are eight ideas that’ll let them know you're definitely interested in seeing where things could go.
A great way to segue into the possibility of a second date without actually asking them out is to follow up on something they said from the night before. “One of the most frustrating parts of dating is finding someone that is compatible and determining that compatibility,” says Silva. “Exploring your interests is a great way to learn more about the person. Choose something you both had in common that you can explore on that next date.” If they raved about this amazing pancake place they frequent, then saying something like, "I had a great time last night! We should do it again sometime, maybe over some [insert pancake emoji]," could do the trick.
Or if they mentioned an event that's coming up, like an art fair or gallery opening, you can easily swoop in and let them know you'd be down to go together. Try, "Last night was super fun, definitely think I'm gonna try to see [fill in the blank]. Maybe we can double-team it :)"
Another solid approach to letting a date know you want to see them again is to reference something you found particularly special about the night. Something like, "I had a really great time with you last night. That tequila bar was lit!" is a sweet way to start a conversation.
Even if you just comment on the place where you ate, calling attention to something specific you thought was cool lets them know you genuinely enjoyed yourself. This should ease any doubts they might have and let them know they have the green light to ask you out again.
If you're feeling bold and want to make your intentions known, flat-out telling them you'd like to meet up again leaves no guesswork to be done on their end. "Last night was a lot of fun! We should totally do it again sometime," followed by a cute emoji cluster is a solid choice. It's short, to the point, and still gives them the opportunity to take the lead in solidifying plans for a second outing.
Silva says to avoid cliché texts and single-phrases or letters like, “What’s up,” “Hey,” or “WYD?” “They might misinterpret as you filling your boredom with them,” she says. “Keep the conversation going by asking thoughtful questions.”
Complimenting your date, especially in a flirty way, is never a bad idea. “Focus less on making the same compliments you made the first time around, [or] it may come off like a Yelp review,” Silva says. “Instead, highlight aspects about what you just learned about them.” If something about them really stood out to you, then let them know. For instance, she suggests saying something like, “‘It was nice to spend time with you and learn that we both have the same sense of humor.’”
If the conversation was particularly stimulating, you could text them something like, "Last night was awesome! I'm a sucker for someone who can keep me on my toes," or even, "You really showed me a good time last night, I'm definitely looking forward to round two :)"
Putting yourself out there by asking them out might make you feel a little bit nervous since it requires vulnerability on your part. But you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. “If you want to pursue exploring a potential date/relationship, drop any no-contact rule,” Silva says. If you like them and want to see them again, you don't have to wait around for them to ask you or wait to respond to their messages. This can signal that you’re into games. “Most people are exhausted by games and ghosting while trying to figure out who is a solid potential, [and] you can differentiate yourself by being direct,” Silva suggests.
Take initiative and ask for what you want. Your message can be something as simple and straightforward as: “I had a great time last night. I’d love to do it again soon. Are you free for [date idea] on Friday?”
If the date was great, chances are the conversation flowed naturally and you found some common interests. “To help gauge if there is mutual interest, keep the conversation going from the date,” Silva says. “Text him/her something you both talked about on the date or an inside joke you had from your time together.” Open the door to a second date by sending them something like, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about what you said about [topic] — that was so interesting! I’d love to get together and hear more about it. Are you free Friday night?”
You probably learned about a few things they're into during your first date conversations and hopefully found some common ground. So, if you happen to “learn” (read: heavily research) an event you'd both be into is coming up, it's a great opportunity to shoot them a text to let them know while also dropping some not-so-subtle hints you’d like to attend together. Say something along the lines of, “Hey, did you see this? Since we both like [band, activity, hobby, etc.] maybe we should check it out!”
Sometimes, all you need to do is thank your date, let them know when you'd be free to meet up again, and see where they stand. Try texting them something like, "Thank you for last night, I had a really great time. This coming week is a little busy, but I'm free Friday night if you’re down to hang again."
“If you both have busy upcoming schedules, you can always suggest a virtual date,” Silva says. “If you’re genuinely interested in them, let them know you’re committed to making the date happen however you can.”
While obsessing over how to move from a successful first date to a second date can feel unavoidable, sometimes it’s helpful to remind yourself not to get too caught up in playing it cool. Texting can already feel a bit cold and distant as is. After all, it takes some serious confidence to be vulnerable and put yourself out there — and that confidence can be so attractive.
Experts:
Susan Winter, relationship expert
Clarissa Silva, relationship coach, behavioral scientist
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