4 Confidence Coaches Reveal How To Ask Someone Out Smoothly

by Christy Piña

Asking someone out on a date can seem nerve-racking and intimidating, which can make approaching someone with confidence really difficult. This is totally understandable. You may fear rejection (which, who doesn't?) or simply just feel nervous about putting yourself out there. That's why knowing how to ask someone out smoothly and confidently can be so helpful. I spoke to four confidence coaches, and they all had incredible bits of advice for asking out that special someone.

First and foremost, it's important to give off good vibes. "Humans are wired for mimicry," confidence coach Susie Moore tells Elite Daily. "So, if you put out positive, self-assured energy, the person is more likely to respond positively, too." Even if in the end they don't respond the way you wanted, try to remind yourself that just because it didn't work out with this person, doesn't mean it won't work out with someone else. "Confidence comes from doing things that feel scary, not from just getting good results," Moore says. "So, go for it! And remember — all outcomes are good." The next time you're going to ask someone out, use some of these tips to help you put forward your smoothest and most confident self.

Start A Casual Conversation
It can be as simple as just striking up a conversation! Starting a casual conversation about anything light and easy — the vibe of the bar, the music playing, the awesome summer afternoon. This will ease your way into asking the question. Just getting started is what matters! Remember that people are just people, and they don't have to make you nervous. And if you don't ask — the answer is always no!

Susie Moore

Give Yourself A Pre-Ask Pep Talk
Remind yourself of why you are a great catch. Remind yourself that there are over seven billion people in the world, and that you will find a great partner who complements you. Finally, remind yourself that getting to know people is fun, like seeing a movie. Asking someone out is like asking them to come spend an hour with you in the movie of your life. If they say "yes" to the metaphorical movie, great. If they say "no", there's nothing lost, there are more people who will say "yes" in the future.
Doing this pre-ask pep-talk will equip you to confidently be yourself, not overthink the ask, and will free you from any fear or attachment to rejection. When you aren't anxious about rejection or how you are going to be perceived, anything you say will come off smooth, confident, and authentic, and that will always lead to relationship wins.

Trish Blackwell

Present Your Fully Authentic Self
Be as authentic you as you can be. The more real and confident in yourself you are, the more of a chance you will engage with the other person authentically. If they're not into it, it means your vibes don't match, and that's OK.

Elisabetta Franzoso

Authenticity is attractive, so be yourself and let yourself be yourself. There's no right or wrong way [or] thing to say when you are being genuine.

Trish Blackwell

Remember You Don't *Need* Them To Say "Yes"
Remind yourself that you may like this person and feel really excited about them, but you do not need them to say yes. Paradoxically, the more you let go of needing them to like you, the more relaxed you become, and the more likely it is they indeed will like you!
With this mindset, then be sure to practice solid fundamentals of confidence. Make direct eye contact and be able to sustain it while speaking with that person, including when you ask them out.

Dr. Aziz Gazipura

Be Straight Up With Them, In A Kind Way
When asking someone out, be clear and direct, with a warm and assertive tone. Remove any apologetic tone in your voice, as if you're doing something wrong. Spending time with you would be a treat for them, so imagine you were inviting them to do something amazing. (Which you are!) Don't hide your intent or make it unclear that you are interested in spending time with them.

Dr. Aziz Gazipura

Asking that cutie out can seem scary, but it can also pay off in ways you never would've expected. So, use these expert tips, and put yourself out there. You never know where it could lead!