Due to some poor scheduling and a totally temporary mental lapse, last week I found myself on not one but two first dates — on the same day. If you're anything like me, and first dates make you nervous, the prospect of having two in a row is, well, enough to make you never want to leave your house again. Although this romantic doubleheader was certainly not my proudest accomplishment, the disparity between the dates (one good and one so, so bad) was comical enough to settle even my strongest nerves.
Looking back, I personally don't super recommend scheduling two first dates on the same day (but hey, you do you!). I do however completely attest to the power of some open and honest pre-date communication — even with someone you've never met IRL. Sending your date sweet or funny text a few hours before meeting up can be a great way to break the ice. Expressing your nerves to your date before heading into the date can really the conversation started and make everyone feel at ease.
If first dates seem totally intimidating — here are eight texts to send your potential-boo beforehand to totally settle your nerves.
It it completely natural to feel nervous before a first date. Heck, it's natural to feel nervous before a ninth date! Dating can be totally nerve-racking, no matter how many meals you've shared with someone. Sending a text before the date that expresses your nerves can be a great way to break any tension. Your date is probably also nervous and will likely be grateful that you've made the space for them to express their own feelings.
Expressing your nerves can also be a good way to set up a compliment for your date. Try: "You seem super funny so I'm excited to hang!" or "I'm normally a little shy but you're so easy to talk to!"
Telling your boo about a show you just watched or book you just enjoyed gives your date a little bit of info about you and your interests. Suggesting a new movie or sending them a song can be a great way to find things that you both enjoy and can get your date super excited to meet you and hear more about all the amazing stuff you're into. Extending the text to ask them about their interests can give you a chance to brush up on their interests/suggestions before the date, so you are guaranteed to have things to talk about.
Sometimes the most intimating aspect of a first date is the looming goodbye. If you're not sure how long the date is going to last or if the prospect of a first kiss is a little stressful — setting an end time for the date can give you some serious peace of mind before heading in. Whether you schedule real literal plans after the date (ex: I'm getting friends tonight at 7 p.m. but I'm free for lunch! ) or you want to establish a loose time boundary (ex: I work super early in the morning, so I can't stay out too late), knowing that your date has a tangible ending can be totally calming to first date nerves.
Food can be the ultimate ice-breaker before a first date. Checking in with your potential-boo about their own food needs/preferences can show that you're caring and considerate and can get a conversation started about your favorite foods or recipe sharing. If you're super into cooking, sending your date a picture of the last meal you made can be a great way to show off some of your natural talent. And if you could burn water and can't make a PB&J to save your life (me), making a joke about your (lack of) cooking skills can totally ease the tension, too.
Of course, the natural question after asking someone out is asking yourself what the heck you're going to wear on this date. If you're feeling nervous re: your outfit, consider asking your date what they're going to wear! This can be a funny way to start a conversation and also to gauge their sense of what the vibe of the evening will be. If they're going casual, you may feel safer in something casual as well. If they're going for it, you may pull out all the stops. This can also be a fun way to sneak in a mirror selfie or to otherwise open up a conversation about clothes and style.
Knowing where to go and what to do on your first date can be a whole other bag of nerves. If you're meeting your date in their part of town or you've decided to meet somewhere you've never been, checking in with your date about what they like to do can be a great way to learn more about them and to pick a spot that you'll both enjoy. If your date is super into rock climbing or if they're a regular at a local dive bar — peeking into their everyday life can be a great way to head into your date.
Obviously, buying someone dinner can be expensive, and I believe that everyone is entitled to their own preferences when it comes to who pays on a first date, but I will say that if you can afford to take your date out, establishing that you'd like to buy them dinner or an ice cream or a beer or whatever can be a total power move in a really sexy and fun way. Treating someone to a snack or a meal can also give you a sense of confidence heading into the date. Me to myself "Yes I'm taking this cutie out because yes, I'm a total daddy."
Call me crazy, but I live for a phone call before a first date, especially if I'm meeting someone IRL for the first time. I'm not sure where this stems from, but I'll feel deeply stress if I don't know what a date's voice sounds like before going on a first date. Giving your boo a call going into the date can get the awkward "hello" over with, and can already give you a sense of some potential chemistry. IMO, a pre-date phone call, even just to ask about parking or where to go for dinner, can make your date feel more familiar when you start talking IRL.
Although asking someone out can feel super scary, literally going out on the date takes some major bravery, too. If you're feeling up for it, sending a joke or a silly selfie can be a great way to beak the tension before meeting. And if you're feeling really spicy, hearing your date's voice over the phone may quell your nerves. No matter what text you send before a first date, you are a flawless angel and your date is lucky to be meeting you.
This article was originally published on
