If You Have A Sex Dream About Your Best Friend, Here's What Experts Recommend
Have you ever woken up from a sex dream about someone so random and totally unexpected, that you're just like, WTF? Same. But even more strange is when you wake up from a sex dream with someone really close to you, like a sex dream about your best friend. While it’s easy to shake off a sex dream about a celebrity or some rando from your yoga class, when it’s someone like your best, with whom you have such an intimate bond, it may really give you pause. After all, is it normal to have a sex dream about them? Does it mean that you need to re-examine your feelings about them? Is it time to panic?
Take a deep breath. According to Dr. Donna Oriowo, a licensed independent clinical social worker and therapist, sex dreams, even when they're about your BFF, are nothing to freak out about. "It is super common to have sex dreams that involve the people you know, including your BFF, regardless of your sexual orientation," she tells Elite Daily.
Shamyra Howard, a sexologist, licensed clinical social worker, and sex and relationship therapist, agrees, and adds that it really shouldn't come as much of a surprise when you consider all the dynamics that close friendships and romantic relationships have in common. "Most close relationships are built on vulnerability and trust, which is the foundation for intimacy. Think about it: You probably share the best and worst parts of you with your friends, and in turn you receive unconditional support. No wonder why your friend is in your sex dream!" she tells Elite Daily.
While that could possibly be a relief, especially if you feel awkward about the dream, you may still wonder what it could mean, and more importantly, what — if anything — you should do about it. Here's what the experts advise.
What your sex dreams could mean
After you have a sex dream about a friend, you may find yourself wondering why it happened. The answer is complicated. “Much like fantasies, dreams can have underlying meaning,” sex therapist Dr. Stefani Threadgill tells Elite Daily. “You can become turned on by or fantasize about a same-sex experience, yet are not necessarily attracted to women. The underlying desire could be simply to feel desired.”
Howard explains that our dreams can act as a window into our subconscious mind, so our dreams could be very meaningful, or they could mean nothing at all. Either way, they are worth exploring further. “A sex dream about your friend doesn't necessarily mean you are sexually attracted to them, although it could be just that! It could also mean that you have some untapped desires or fantasies that you might want to discuss or explore. Sex dreams that involve friends could confirm how much you admire them, or expose how close you are,” she says.
While the dream may have been intense or even graphic, Dr. Oriowo says it may simply be a sign that you're emotionally connected to them. “Having a sex dream about your BFF can simply mean that you have a close, intimate relationship with them, and you're able to trust them completely,” she explains. “If you think it might be more than an awesome friendship, take some time, when you are wide awake, to think about what you want from that relationship.”
Sex dreams are nothing to worry about
Should you be worried or embarrassed that you dreamt about your best friend in a sexual scenario? The answer, according toDr. Oriowo, is simply: “Nope!” Whew. “Sex dreams and fantasies are completely normal and nothing to be ashamed, worried, or embarrassed about,” she says.
Having these kinds of dreams, Howard says, can cause people to question their sexual identity. At the same time, she says sex dreams, even if they are about someone of the same sex, don’t necessarily mean that you're attracted to people of the same gender. However, it could also be an opportunity for self-discovery about whether or not you do have same-sex attraction, which is awesome, too. “Before the dream, had you and your friend shared a really memorable moment together? Had you recently spent a lot of time with your friend? Have you been feeling sexually turned on? Do you want to have sex?” asks Howard. “These are some questions to consider that might help you understand the meaning of your dream. If you continue to have the dream often, it could have a deeper meaning.”
What to do if you’re having sex dreams about your bestie.
Understanding why you're having sex dreams about your best friend is one thing, but does it mean you have to share that info with your friend? The experts agree that you can if you want to, but you shouldn’t feel as though you have to. “Telling your friend about the dream depends on how you feel about it and the relationship you have with that friend,” says Howard. “I recommend thinking about your reasoning for telling them. Will it help you feel better? How do you anticipate your friend will react? If I tell my friend I had a sex dream about them we'd laugh about it and say, ‘Uhhh that was weird’ and carry on. If it's too distressing for you, don't tell them,” she advises.
The ultimate takeaway here is that although having a sex dream about your friend may be surprising — or in some cases, illuminating — it’s really not that big of a deal, and definitely not anything you should feel bad about or ashamed of. Especially when you consider all the other weird stuff we dream about. So, don’t sweat this one either.