There’s a reason why you’re so jealous of everyone your BFF dates.
OK, I’ll say it — sometimes best friends are way better than significant others. You don’t have to worry about looking flawless when you’re around them, and you can be your absolute most embarrassing self and know that they’ll still love you. But things get tricky when the lines start to get blurred, so it’s best to look out for the subtle signs you might be falling in love with your best friend.
You’ve likely heard stories about people falling for their bestie when they were least expecting it, but how do you know if this is happening to you? Sometimes it’s difficult to discern when your feelings are shifting. According to relationship coach and behavioral scientist Clarissa Silva, the key to differentiating between romantic and platonic interest is mainly sexual attraction. Sometimes, you feel intense adoration for someone that makes you want to be closer to them and that's perfectly platonic. But as Silva previously told Elite Daily, "With a romantic crush, you have the same desire plus sexual curiosity and attraction for them."
If you suspect you may just be falling in love with a friend, then experts say to keep a close eye out for these very telling signs.
Do you find yourself wanting to text them about every single detail in your life? Often this is what friends are for, but if this person starts taking over your every thought, you might be wanting something more. Silva says it’s a sign you’re catching feels when you start turning to them for everything. “They are your ‘ideal’ partner because you already know they will complement your goals and desires and assist in fulfilling your dreams,” she says. You know them and feel comfortable with them, so it feels natural that they would become your go-to person.
Do you feel jealous watching your friend flirt? Then you may just like them more than a friend. “You can’t help but keep tabs on their love life, telling yourself it’s out of concern for their well-being,” author and relationship expert Susan Winter tells Elite Daily. “Though you don’t want to think of yourself as the jealous type, you fear your role of importance in their life will be replaced.” It’s one thing to be interested in who your best friend is seeing, but it’s another issue when you find yourself feeling resentful.
You just can’t connect with anyone you’re going out with, and you’d much rather hang with your bestie instead. “When you start to compare your exes and new potentials, all you seem to highlight are negative things,” Silva notes. You may find yourself venting to your best friend, “I haven’t met anyone I like! Dating really sucks and I’m glad I have you to talk to about it.” Are you really glad to have them as a friend? Or are you wishing for more?
If you’re crushing on your friend, then chances are you’ve started to notice little details about them. Clinical neuropsychologist Dr. Rhonda Freeman previously told Elite Daily that a crush can heighten your awareness. “Our stress system heightens our senses and we notice everything about them: their smell, their smile, their mannerisms, their laugh, facial expressions,” she said. And if you’re picking up on every little thing your BFF does, then there’s probs a reason.
Have you ever gotten that feeling like there are butterflies in your stomach? If you’ve fallen in love with your bestie, then you’ve probably felt this way a few times already. According to Silva, you know you’ve gotten it bad for someone when your behavior starts to change. “Behavior gives it away all the time,” she previously told Elite Daily. “Increased adrenaline levels [are] what makes you start to sweat, your heart race, ‘butterflies in your stomach,’ and/or your mouth going dry whenever you are around the person.”
Though you probably love hanging with your bestie regardless of whether you’re crushing or not, Silva says chemical processes in your brain can change when you’re falling in love with someone. “Your body is releasing adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin, in addition to testosterone and estrogen,” she says. “When you’re in love, your body speeds up to process them all. The intensity of these reactions are euphoric and make you ‘addicted’ to your best friend.” It’s not just in your head — you might literally be feeling chemically attached! Be careful if you start to notice that you want to be around your BFF every second of every day. Your body might be telling you, “Hey, I’m in love!”
So if your friendship fits into any of these categories, what can you do about it? Winter suggests you pose a hypothetical question to yourself. “If I could only choose one classification for this person, which would it be: Having them as a friend, or having them as a lover? This will be your guide to the necessary actions,” she advises. If you’re sure you want to pursue something more, it might be time to broach the subject.
“Make sure that you are truly attracted to them romantically and not falling for them because they are convenient,” Silva notes. “In cases where you intuitively feel it may be reciprocated, you can broach the subject of transitioning from a friendship to a relationship … However, if you doubt it’s reciprocal, broaching the subject will alter the nature of the relationship in a disempowering way to you.” You’ll have to trust your gut when deciding how to talk to them about your feelings.
If you don’t think your friend feels the same about you, you may have to distance yourself from them for a while until your feelings fade. “In general, suppressing your feelings is not advisable and not realistic,” Silva says. “Your friend will most likely pick up on your behavioral clues … even if you try to suppress your feelings, they will present themselves in some form.” She suggests taking a step back to try to discern where these intense feelings came from. It is possible to maintain the relationship while still giving yourself space to work through your emotions.
Ultimately, try not to panic. It’s more common than you might expect that best friends fall for one another — after all, you already know you get along so well! Every friendship is different, so it will be up to you to determine what the best course of action is for the two of you. Maybe it’s elevating the relationship, or maybe it’s taking space apart to let the feelings fade. If your pal really loves you, they’ll understand and want to help support you through the process.
Experts:
Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist
Dr. Rhonda Freeman, clinical neuropsychologist
Susan Winter, relationship expert
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
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