I once had a first date at a mansion on a beach, in a small town with an arcade. I played ski-ball, went skinny-dipping, jumped off a small bridge into the ocean, and sat on a porch swing. Straddled on the back of their sun-bleached moped, riding to the used bookstore, they asked me, "do you feel like you're in the 'Lizzie McGuire Movie'?" and suddenly, it hit me. I was living in a rom-com romance.
Romantic comedies have not historically been the most representative or accurate genre of film (how does everyone have access to some sort of beach house?). But as the storyline goes: people meet in some cute way, they have some sort of falling out, there's a large romantic gesture, and they live happily ever after. There's a best friend character who doesn't get enough credit for the emotional labor they do, traditional gender roles, and some sort of village gathering or block party with twinkle lights and paper lanterns. Did I get it right?
Don't get it twisted, I'm not hating on rom-coms. I've seen them all, fingers deep in a bag of chocolate pretzels, and cozy jammies on. Despite their lack of inclusivity, I love them for what they are. Here are four signs your budding love is a total Kate Hudson movie, but with a little more social progress.
In every good rom-com, societal, economic, or geographic factors keep the characters from being together for a short period of time. Perhaps someone's family doesn't approve or there's a great distance between the lovers. Whatever the case, in a rom-com in it's normally the cause of some sort of large falling out, all to be healed with a grand gesture of love.
Identity plays a huge part in dating. Educating yourself on your partner's background, and working to ensure their safety and strength can be really beneficial for them, and making your love last. Above all, listen to what your partner needs, make space for them, and validate their struggles and needs. When no great obstacle can keep you both apart, you might find yourself living in a classic rom-com.
From meeting each others' friends to awkward dates, it's easy to get caught in the stress of love and forget to relax into the joy of it. Most rom-coms have some sort of montage scene (think paint-balling in "10 Things I Hate About You", or the photo shoots in "13 Going on 30"). A rom-com romance isn't real, but it's fun. Remember you too can take a break from outside stress to go run around in an arcade, or travel to a new place. Making space for just having plain old fun and being silly can take the pressure off, and can be a chance for real bonding. You might even find yourself on the big screen!
I'll say it: Big weddings, village gatherings, and twinkle light parties look lit. Being able to attend fun events and ongoings within your partner's community is really special way to celebrate your love and learn more about your partner. If you both love to dance, eat, or sit in the corner and not talk to strangers, it's fun to be with someone with whom you feel confident, and socially compatible.
Rom-coms always start on an ordinary day. The main character walks down the street, holding a million things and probably walking a dog. She goes about life as though no one is watching. Cut to: small coffee shop across the street, where a handsome stranger is watching. They find her inability to carry all of her groceries home totally endearing! If you're in a rom-com romance, you can be yourself at all times, because you're confident that your partner has always known you are from the start. If you've been able to be yourself, and make room for boo to just do them, you might be a movie in the making.
A rom-com romance is what you make of it, although all movies within the genre may look eerily similar (seriously how does everyone have that beach house!). Remember, there isn't a model for what love should look like, or what kind of love is best. Being yourself, and feeling supported in who you are, is such a beautiful part of dating — and movie worthy on it's own. Taking risks, having fun, doing new things are the extras, the blooper reel. Whether your love is destined for the silver screen, or more comfy sticking to nights in with Netflix — if you're with someone who makes you happy, then that's movie magic.
