Even if you and your ex had a messy breakup, there's almost always a point in time where you miss them, even if it's just for a minute. That lingering temptation that convinces you that texting your ex is a good idea can be so, so seductive. And fine, that 1 a.m. “I miss you” text is probably ill-advised, but sometimes, you just want to check in on your ex-girlfriend or congratulate a former lover on their new job. Maybe you’re wondering if an ex might be open to rebuilding a friendship, or you’re on the fence about what to text your ex-boyfriend when you miss him. If you’re struggling to craft the best text to send to an ex, look no further.
You (and your ex) know your breakup better than anyone else, and if you have a nagging suspicion they don’t want to hear from you, you might want to proceed with caution. If you’re blocked — or if your ex asked you not to reach out — consider letting things go for the time being, even if it hurts. Ignoring someone’s boundaries will only frustrate, hurt, or scare them, and it definitely won’t help you regain their trust or friendship. Before you even think about sending a text, you should consider the boundaries for everyone involved, no matter what your intentions are. As Tina B. Tessina, a psychotherapist and the author of Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Todayshared with Rewire: "Setting boundaries creates mutual respect and consideration. These qualities allow people to be close without emotional harm." Because you don’t know how reaching out will feel for your ex, it’s important to think really thoughtfully about what this means for both of you.
And if you think your ex might be down to talk things through, start over as friends, or even just catch up after months or years of radio silence, you’ll want to take the time to come up with the right approach. Here are six simple, direct, and casual ways to start a conversation.
When navigating any kind of relationship with your ex, try to remember that sometimes, there’s a reason you called it quits. This doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, hook up, or give things another shot, but it’s important to keep your shared history in mind when you’re cracking open that door. And if your ex isn’t ready to rekindle a relationship with you — any kind of relationship — you absolutely need to respect their wishes and remember it’s best not to force anything onto them. Sometimes, when it comes to people from the past, what’s meant to happen will happen naturally.