Can I get real about millennial dating for a second? Thanks. Dating as a millennial means it's easier for the old folks to hate on you. According to them, if you use a dating app like Tinder, then it's because you and your entire generation are self-absorbed narcissists incapable of genuine connection. And if you have casual sex, then apparently, you are immature and selfish.
And God forbid you ever try casual sexting. If you take a nude picture of yourself, then it will automatically appear on your LinkedIn account. You will never be able to get a job that makes it affordable to move out of your parents' basement.
If you actually are a millennial, though, you know that most of what older generations are saying isn't really true. We're not even having as much sex as our parents since we're literally too busy working. And without any spare time to get freaky, it's no wonder our generation is pioneering the perfect way to hook up without having to meet in person. Yes, I am talking about the art of the sext.
Older generations can hate on us all they want, but we wouldn't be sexting if it wasn't for a good reason. And that good reason is that sexting is great. Here's how sexting is actually empowering, if you're doing it right.
1. Sexting Makes You A Better Writer
Obviously, I am a major nerd to place "you get to write your own erotic fiction!" before, you know, orgasm. We all have different priorities in our sex lives. I guess mine are more career-oriented than I imagined.
Like role playing, sexting gives you the freedom to try on different roles. You can dive right into the action if you want, but I like to linger in an area we experts call "exposition," where I set the scene. Before my partner starts describing whatever they're going to do to me, I need to know where we are, theoretically. In the bathroom? On a plane? In a board meeting?
Or are we different people entirely? Are you pretending to be Kid Rock right now? If so, can I be Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson? I don't know! I'm freewheeling here!
Sexting is an amazing distraction that allows you to let your imagination run wild no matter where you are. And in these days, when a little bit of boredom devolves into endless scrolling on Facebook, creativity can go a long way. Who knows? Play your cards right, and you might even find a future career as an erotic novelist. (A girl can dream.)
2. Sexting Helps You Turn Yourself On
When you're sexting, you have no idea how the person who is receiving your messages is actually reacting. That's kind of amazing, because it means you can totally focus on yourself and what helps you feel good. You obviously can't fully do this when you're actually having sex with someone. Even if you get off on tuning your partners out completely, there's still someone else right in front of you.
And while masturbation obviously is all about yourself, sexting is different than getting off alone because you're not doing all of the driving, at least not entirely. There's someone else experiencing this intimate act. And that means that you are connected -- even if it's through cell towers instead of skin-to-skin.
That makes it (arguably) more pleasurable than plain, old masturbation and more liberating than an up-close encounter. It also brings you closer to your partner, without actually touching. And like all-day foreplay, that means that when you meet up in person, you'll both be chomping at the bit to get naked. All that anticipation will definitely pay off.
3. Sexting Is Basically Your Brain Having Sex
Every time I sext, I'm one-third getting off to the other person, one-third to myself, and one-third to the miracles of modern technology. We can have physiological responses to one another without ever touching! That's the internet, man! Those are the wonders of limitless data!
Sexting proves to me my working theory that bodies are just sacks of meat that have little, if anything, to do with sexual orientation. It's not a person's physical form that you connect to, but their mind/spirit/soul/life force, or whatever you want to call that thing their brain and heart contains.
Sexting makes you feel empowered because it validates your attraction. I identify as queer because my attraction has nothing to do with gender as much as it does with people. Sexting allows me to explore that.
If I can sext with someone without knowing what they look like in real life, then that means I can be turned on by a person regardless of what they look like. Age, race, weight, and other traits of physical appearance go out the window, along with sex and gender. It makes me think that, pretty soon, everyone is going to finally realize that the only differences there are between us is what society has put in place.
4. When You're Sexting, You Can Explore Risk-Free
In addition to exploring the limitations of your attraction (or lack thereof), sexting makes you feel empowered because it allows you to test the boundaries of what you and your partner are into in the bedroom. There's limited risk of hurting anyone or violating their boundaries.
Sexting gives you time to express what is and isn't tantalizing to you. You can get a feel for the idea of something before arriving at the actual, physical sensation. It's like testing the waters before diving right in.
Obviously, it's important to distinguish what you are willing to try in fantasy, and what you're willing to get into IRL. But if you let your imagination roam wild, you might just come to realize that you are kinkier than you allowed yourself to be before. And if you were too embarrassed to voice your kinks in person, then text messages might be the perfect medium to express them.
5. You Can Always Leave
A casual sexting conversation is pretty easy to get out of. It's empowering because you don't have to devote your entire day to it. I've dropped conversations mid-sext because I got distracted. It's even easier if you are casually sexting someone you have yet to meet.
Are you doing all the work in this text scenario, and they're responding less than enthusiastically? Unless they're objecting, you never actually needed them anyway! Did your best friend just hit you up to go get ice cream? Putting down your phone is way easier than bailing on a date!
Obviously, it is a little rude to passively ghost and leave a super vulnerable text message on read. You don't want to tell someone that you want to eat them out like a Golden Corral buffet only to never hear from them again. Instead, backing out with a simple, "Actually not totally into that, thanks" is a totally reasonable thing to say if your text conversation takes a turn for the worst.
And if they're the ones not getting back to you? Well, you can always finish on your own.
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