You know, for a generation that seems to disregard many social norms and has no problem openly displaying what it wants and likes, it seems so many people have trouble being open when it comes to sex. You probably have at least a few interesting kinks and things you like to do in the bedroom that might not be considered “typical” or “conventional." I sure do.
I think it's time to examine why we're all so shy. It's time to help everyone figure out how to be comfortable telling his or her partner (or even a person he or she is hooking up with regularly) what he or she wants and likes in the bedroom.
Let's face it: Sex is a very important part of any relationship. Long-term, short-term, friends with benefits: It doesn't matter. They all revolve around sexuality.
It may not be the main thing, but it's certainly a crucial component that requires both parties to be mutually satisfied. When there isn't mutual satisfaction, there's a much greater chance that somebody is going to start looking elsewhere for what he or she isn't getting at home.
Here's the thing, though. If a person truly desires something but is too scared to admit it or talk about it with his or her partner, he or she isn't going to remain satisfied for long.
Let's look at the definitions of kink and fetish. Then, we can discuss why it's so important to be upfront about them.
A kink is defined as bizarre or unconventional sexual preferences or behavior. It can be anything, and a person can have a multitude of different kinks to different extents.
A fetish is definitely a more serious thing. It's defined as a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, body part, etc.
The best example of this – and the most common among men – is a foot fetish. The thing about a fetish is it can have a direct impact on sexual drive, desire, ability to orgasm, etc. A kink, on the other hand, is something you might like doing (and want to do). But it doesn't have nearly the amount of power over you as a fetish does.
I have no problem being honest here: I have a fetish, and anyone who I have ever dated seriously – or even hooked up with on a regular basis – had to accept and embrace that. It honestly would have never worked otherwise, as my desire would have overtaken me.
I'm not ashamed to admit this, and I'm truly grateful that every girl I've admitted it to has been so cool about it. Maybe that's why I don't feel too shy about it anymore. I never felt judged at all.
So, what's my point in all this? Well, I would like to talk about why it's important to feel comfortable telling your partner what you want in the bedroom. I don't care how kinky, deviant or perverted you think it is. Realistically, you need to be honest about it.
If you truly desire something in order to have a satisfying sex life, you need to tell the person you're having sex with. Otherwise, at some point, you will start becoming resentful.
I honestly think if there's real hesitancy, it might be a matter of overthinking things. I think at some point, every real couple has the “What do you like?” kind of conversation. Even if it's in spurts, it gives you the perfect time to bring things up.
Understand that if the person cares about you, he or she wants to know how to satisfy you. He or she would much rather you be honest, so that he or she can please you.
Honestly, chances are, he or she will have at least a little something to admit as well.
In my experience, the more kinks and fetishes that get thrown into the mix, the spicier the sex life becomes. We're all adults here, and as adults, we need to understand who we are, what we want and how to say it.
Is it going to be slightly awkward at first? Maybe. Will it lead to a much more gratifying sex life? Abso-f*cking-lutely.
So, with that being said, I want you to do these four things tonight:
1. Bring your partner into the bedroom.
2. Tell him or her exactly what kinks and fetishes you have.
3. Explore them together.
4. Know you're truly going to be satisfied. You'll love each more for it.
Thank me later, and feel free to email me any awesome sex stories that resulted from this post. You're all very, very welcome.