Sexting in this day and age has become quite common. Whether you've participated in it or know someone who has, the chances you've been exposed to sexting are high. But what's the point of it? If you're not having physical sex, does sexting count as foreplay? Well, life's what you make it, and so is sexting, but more often than not, experts say sexting definitely counts as foreplay. Now, that doesn't mean you should jump right into the sack with whoever you were sexting without at least some physical foreplay. But, sexting does help start the anticipation even before you're physically together, making the climax even better.
"Sexting can be a great way for a couple to build up desire and anticipation which is the best natural aphrodisiac," Kate Moyle, psychosexual and relationship therapist, tells Elite Daily. "It offers a different form of being creative and describing what you might like to do together or try out and encouraging your partner to use their imagination can be really sexy." Dr. Jess O’Reilly, host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast, agrees, telling Elite Daily, "sexting helps to cultivate anticipation which can intensify the physical pleasure once (if) you eventually meet up in person."
"Building anticipation is key to heightened pleasure and research suggests that dopamine levels (a chemical associated with pleasure and reward) are actually higher while awaiting the reward than upon receipt of the reward itself," Dr. Jess explains. Think about the build-up you feel before going to see bae or even your FWB. You know, that feeling where you're almost certain you'll end up having sex, and your body is so ready for it. Sexting can help intensify that feeling.
"I think that sexting can certainly be considered foreplay," Dr. Logan Levkoff, relationship and sexuality educator, tells Elite Daily. "For example, for partners who are in long distance relationships, oftentimes, that’s the way they have an opportunity to engage in some sort of non-physical sexual behavior, but certainly increased desire and turning your partner on. You know, it depends. It can be [foreplay], [but] it may not be for everyone. It really depends on if someone likes getting those kinds of messages and sending them." And with that, Dr. Levkoff brings up a good point: consent. While sexting isn't a physical sexual act, it is a sexual act nonetheless. So, the same way you would consent to any physical sexual act, you and the person you're sexting should agree on receiving each other's messages, pictures, and/or videos.
Before you dive head first into the sexting pool, it's important to remember that the second you send something to someone, there's no turning back. It's out there for good. As scary as that sounds, if you trust the person you're sending your naughty messages to, you should be OK. "Sometimes we do things to turn a partner on when a relationship or a partner may not have earned that kind of vulnerability yet," Dr. Levkoff points out. "It’s just important to think about who’s receiving these things, and are you cool with that person having those things if you two are no longer together? Are you comfortable with this person enough to know, to feel like, you can trust them, and you will keep their intimate things personal and private and they will do the same for you? If you can’t do that, then probably sexting as foreplay is not a great thing. Wait until you’re face-to-face."
If you've decided you can trust the person you want to sext, but you're not quite sure where to start, fret not. Our experts have got you covered. "A sext that can be sexy is talking about how you may want to touch your partner sensually, kiss them, massage them, or how much they turn you on," clinical sexologist Dr. Dawn Michael tells Elite Daily. "If you know your partner well, then what you may say to them in the bedroom, you can do with a text. You don't have to be explicit with your text either, it can be done with hints and romantic gestures. 'I want [to] f*ck you' would be better stated, 'kissing your inner thighs turns me on.' Be less graphic and more sensual," she advises.
"Sharing something sexy that you want to happen, telling your partner how you want to be touched, [and] suggesting something new and erotic that you want to try," are other ways you can begin sexting, Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Elite Daily. Dr. Jess says that in hopes of building anticipation and pleasure, your sexts should be about what you've been thinking about, ego-stroking compliments, how you're longing for their touch, and what you want them to do to you. She recommends statements like these: "I’ve been thinking about how badly I want to…"; "I was so wet/hot/turned on/excited when you did…"; "I’m aching for you. My thighs are tingling."; and if you're feeling really brave, "I want to tie you down and take care of you."
Whether you've been sexting for years or it's something new you want to try, sexting can definitely count as foreplay if it leads to some incredibly sexy build-up. "It’s also a way of expressing yourself if you find it hard to discuss something new you might like to try when it comes to foreplay, giving you a bit more confidence to tell them about what you would like," Moyle says. So, if you've been eager to try something new in the bedroom, but not quite sure how to bring it up to your partner or ~fun~ buddy, sexting could be your easy way in (pun-intended). Happy sexting.
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