Sex
Woman sleeping has sex dream about her BFF.

Here’s What To Do If You Have A Sex Dream About Your BFF

Step one: Don’t panic.

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Have you ever woken up from a sex dream about someone so random and totally unexpected that you're just like, “WTF?” Same. But even more strange is when you wake up from a sex dream with someone really close to you, like a sex dream about your best friend. It’s easy to shake off a sex dream about a celebrity or some rando from your yoga class, but when it’s your ride-or-die bestie, it may really give you pause (not to mention make things awkward the next time you hang out). What does dreaming about your BFF mean sexually? Is this a sign you need to re-examine your feelings about them? Are you totally panicking right now?

Take a deep breath. According to Dr. Donna Oriowo, a licensed independent clinical social worker and therapist, sex dreams about friends are nothing to freak out about. "It is super common to have sex dreams that involve the people you know, including your BFF, regardless of your sexual orientation," she tells Elite Daily. And no, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re secretly into them.

Shamyra Howard, a sexologist, licensed clinical social worker, and sex and relationship therapist, agrees. She adds that when you consider all the dynamics that close friendships and romantic relationships have in common, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise if you dream about sex with a friend. "Most close relationships are built on vulnerability and trust, which is the foundation for intimacy,” she tells Elite Daily. “Think about it: You probably share the best and worst parts of you with your friends, and in turn, you receive unconditional support. No wonder why your friend is in your sex dream!"

While that could possibly be a relief, especially if you feel awkward about the dream, you may still wonder if there is a deeper meaning here. After all, research has shown that dreams are often a continuation of reality, or at least a sign of something you’re working through subconsciously. Even if you don’t actually want to get it on with your friend, you might be craving something more in your relationship with them — whether it’s emotional closeness, mentorship, or a stronger foundation of trust. That said, here’s what to remember next time your bestie makes a guest appearance in your sex dream

Sex Dreams Aren’t Just About Physical Chemistry.
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After you have a sex dream about a friend, you may find yourself stressing about why it happened. The answer is complicated. “Much like fantasies, dreams can have an underlying meaning,” sex therapist Dr. Stefani Threadgill tells Elite Daily. “You can become turned on by or fantasize about a same-sex experience, yet are not necessarily attracted to women. The underlying desire could be simply to feel desired.” The same goes for people of any sexuality or gender expression: Your dreams don’t always align with your actual preferences, and that doesn’t mean you aren’t clear on your sexual identity. (Unless you are still exploring it, in which case, maybe the dream will inspire you to experiment more in bed!)

Howard explains that our dreams can act as a window into our subconscious mind, so they can often be very meaningful. Of course, they can also mean nothing — but either way, they are worth exploring further. “A sex dream about your friend doesn't necessarily mean you are sexually attracted to them, although it could be just that!,” she says. “It could also mean that you have some untapped desires or fantasies that you might want to discuss or explore. Sex dreams that involve friends could confirm how much you admire them, or expose how close you are.”

Maybe your bestie has a quality you’ve always wanted to emulate. “In most cases, sex in a dream is not about a physical union you want, but rather a psychological union you need or want,” dream expert Lauri Loewenberg previously told Elite Daily. “It's all about having or needing a psychological connection with the person in your dream or merging a particular quality that person has into your own personality.”

For a simple trick to understand the meaning of your sex dream, Loewenberg suggested this exercise: “Pick three words that first come to mind when thinking of that person,” she said. “Of those three qualifiers, is there one that would benefit you right now if you were to incorporate it into your own personality? Voilà! That's what that person represents and that's why you're having sex in the dream.”

Even if the dream was super graphic, Dr. Oriowo says it may simply be a sign that you're emotionally connected to this person. “Having a sex dream about your BFF can simply mean that you have a close, intimate relationship with them, and you're able to trust them completely,” she explains.“If you think it might be more than an awesome friendship, take some time, when you are wide awake, to think about what you want from that relationship.” Dating your best friend can be amazing, but it also fundamentally changes your relationship with them, so give it some serious thought before you initiate that conversation.

Unexpected Sex Dreams (Even About Your BFF) Are Normal.

Should you be worried or embarrassed that you dreamt about your best friend in a sexual scenario? The answer, according to Dr. Oriowo, is simply, “Nope!” Whew. “Sex dreams and fantasies are completely normal and nothing to be ashamed, worried, or embarrassed about,” she says.

Having these kinds of dreams, Howard says, can sometimes cause people to question their sexual identity if their best friend identifies with a gender they aren’t usually interested in. But sex dreams don’t necessarily represent your real-life sexuality.

However, if the dream does pique your interest, this could be an opportunity for self-discovery about whether or not you do have different sexual preferences, which is awesome, too. “Before the dream, had you and your friend shared a really memorable moment together?,” Howard asks. “Had you recently spent a lot of time with your friend? Have you been feeling sexually turned on? Do you want to have sex? “These are some questions to consider that might help you understand the meaning of your dream. If you continue to have the dream often, it could have a deeper meaning.” You might be harboring feelings for your BFF you didn’t even realize you had.

If You Feel Like Talking To Your Friend About It, Think Through Your Motivation First.
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Understanding why you're having sex dreams about your best friend is one thing, but does it mean you have to share that info with your friend? The experts agree that you can if you want to, but you shouldn’t feel as though you have to. “Telling your friend about the dream depends on how you feel about it and the relationship you have with that friend,” says Howard. “I recommend thinking about your reasoning for telling them. Will it help you feel better? How do you anticipate your friend will react?[...] If it's too distressing for you, don't tell them.” The last thing you want to do is make your friend uncomfortable by letting them know you’ve imagined them in a sexual situation (one they obviously didn’t consent to in real life). Proceed with caution, and gauge their reaction before sharing any potentially uncomfortable details.

The ultimate takeaway here is that although having a sex dream about your friend may be surprising — or in some cases, illuminating — it’s really not that big of a deal. Sex dreams are definitely not anything you should feel bad about or ashamed of, and they can even teach you a thing or two about your relationship with your friend. Try not to sweat this one.

Experts:

Donna Oriowo, Ph.D., licensed independent clinical social worker and therapist

Shamyra Howard, LCSW, sexologist, licensed clinical social worker, and sex and relationship therapist

Stefani Threadgill, Ph.D., LMFT, sex therapist

Lauri Loewenberg, dream expert

Sources:

Fogli, A., Maria Aiello, L., & Quercia, D. (2020). Our dreams, our selves: automatic analysis of dream reports. Royal Society Open Science, 7(8), 192080. https://doi.org/10.1098/rsos.192080