You've been there before. That date you've been looking forward to all week is fast approaching, and just as you're just putting the finishing touches on your knockout *lewk* you get a text that causes all your giddy excitement to come crashing down. "Sorry, can't make it." No matter what their excuse or explanation is, it's a total buzzkill — but as it turns out, some people are just less reliable in this regard by nature. The Myers-Briggs personality types who flake out most on dates aren't just planning-challenged, however — there are lots of possible reasons for their behavior.
For example, someone with an Introverted preference is more likely to ditch plans because they simply don’t have the energy to be social, which can leave them feeling drained — whereas someone with an Extroverted preference is more likely to bail because a more exciting or energetically fulfilling opportunity for socializing came along. While both Introverts and Extroverts can be flaky for their own reasons, there is one preference that plays a large role here: Perceiving/Judging. Since Perceivers are less planning-inclined than Judgers and prefer to “wing it” in life, they tend to be slightly less reliable when it comes to showing up for dates.
Wherever you happen to fall on the spectrum, it's helpful to know which types are prone to backing out of plans at the last sec. That way, you can not only determine just how compatible you are but also prepare yourself for any possible disappointments. If flakiness is a dealbreaker for you, then here's a word to the wise: Be cautious about dating the following Myers-Briggs types.
Live in the moment: that’s the motto of this personality type, which has been aptly dubbed “The Adventurer.” The thing to know about ISFPs is that they don’t really do planning for the future — they’re simply too spontaneous for that, and as a result, can seem a bit unpredictable at times.
Curious, creative, and daring, The Adventurer is always down to try something new, and if you text them to go on an impromptu hike or swing by an outdoor food fest that same day, you can bet they’ll probably be in. However, if you try to lock down a plan a week in advance, they may struggle to follow through. Part of this is that the ISFP values their freedom immensely, and plans can sometimes cramp their style because they prevent them from indulging any whim they have from moment to moment.
While they do have trouble committing to plans, which can feel stifling to them, ISFPs are also Feelers through and through. That means that they may be able to take your emotions into account before bailing, or at the very least, understand how hurtful their actions are after the fact. Since planning isn’t the ISFP’s strong suit, they’ll likely let you take the lead on that — and on the plus side, they never run out of fun ideas for things to do in the present, so you can be sure there’ll never be a dull moment on your dates with this personality type.
The truth is, if an INTP backs out of a date or stands you up, there’s a good chance they’re just lost in their thoughts. From the moment they wake up till the time their head hits the pillow, this personality type is constantly jumping from one idea to the next, and sometimes they get so immersed in their own inner world that they forget what’s going on around them. Don’t take it so personally, though: Logicians are notoriously forgetful, and can often miss appointments or other obligations, meals, and even sleep due to whatever their current obsession has captured their attention.
Unfortunately, the Thinking-dominant Logician can also forget to take your emotions into consideration. That’s not to say they are incapable of empathy, but rather, that they simply place a higher value on logic and rationale than they do on feelings when making decisions. The good news is, since they’re honest AF, you can count on them to be straightforward with you about why they’re cancelling plans.
Keep in mind that dating in general poses all kinds of challenges to The Logician’s very way of being. Not only are they shy and reserved by nature, but putting themselves out there and risking rejection can feel immensely difficult. All of which is to say — once an INTP feels secure enough being themselves with you, they’re way less likely to flake on you. Plus, while their vivid imagination may sometimes be the culprit of cancelled plans, that same trait can also make them an endlessly fun partner with all kinds of unique date ideas up their sleeve.
There is so much to love about these passionate, creative, hopeless romantics. Unfortunately, dependability when it comes to dates just isn’t one of their strengths. The INFP takes a laid-back approach to life, and definitely doesn’t like being boxed in or constrained to rules. On top of that, they have a tendency to get caught up in their rich fantasies and daydreams — which can pull them away from their current reality and obligations.
It’s important to remember that an INFP, like all other introverts, isn’t always capable of mustering up the energy to go on dates. Particularly in the early phases of getting to know someone new, dates come with a lot of pressure to perform and put your best foot forward, and when an INFP is tapped out, they’ll likely flake out on you. It’s not necessarily because they’re not into you, it’s just that sometimes they need to be alone so they can reset and recharge when they’re feeling emotionally drained. So, if they do bail on plans, it could be because they’re simply stressed or overwhelmed in other areas of their life that have nothing to do with you.
Look on the bright side, though: They’d rather give you 100% than show up and potentially let you down. Besides, The Mediator is about as empathetic and diplomatic as it gets, which means that if their behavior is hurtful, they’ll at least be able to hear you out.
For the ESFP, life is all about sensation-seeking at all costs. They’re always on the hunt for that next thrill, which means they may just ditch your date if a more enticing plan or activity presents itself. Try to remember, however, that The Entertainer is like this with everyone and everything. They’re so focused on immediate pleasures that they’re even willing to bail on a best friend or family member. One reason why they’re prone to neglecting duties and responsibilities is that they just don’t always think about the consequences of their actions.
What they lack in reliability, however, they do make up for in charm and enthusiasm. Sensing-Perceiving types are incredibly flexible and adaptable — and not only do they know how to have fun, but they also manage to make sure everyone around them is, too. Since ESFPs are sensitive and observant, they’ll probably be able to pick up on the fact that their flakiness bothers you without you having to say a word. That said, they are also pretty conflict-averse, so you may need to be the one to bring it up.