There's no better time to embrace a new relationship status than at the beginning of a new decade. Hindsight may be 20/20, but if you're fresh out of a relationship, 2020 shouldn't be spent dwelling on the past. And though you may be tempted to get right back in the saddle (i.e., get right back on the dating apps), it's possible you just want to do you for a while. Are you looking for an exclusive relationship with yourself right now? Then I have some mantras to recite if you're newly single in 2020 to remind you that riding solo is actually pretty rad.
You might have some friends attempting to set you up on dates. Your parents might remind you that you'll find someone new. You may even subscribe to the idea that taking time off from dating is admitting defeat. But here's the thing: Being single isn't the same as being sick, and finding a new partner isn't a cure. While I don't agree with the idea that you have to love yourself in order to be worthy of someone else's love, I do believe in the importance of self-love. Here are some powerful mantras that will remind you to put yourself first in 2020.
Is this a cliché? Perhaps. But sometimes you just have to trust the process, even if things aren't working out the way you anticipated. As breakup coach Chelsea Leigh Trescott previously explained to Elite Daily, "This breakup is a plot twist, not the last sentence or final play. Turn it into a series of you breaking through your own expectations." And one way to do that is by embracing the unexpected.
Even if you didn't instigate the breakup, you get to decide whether or not you want to pursue a new relationship or take time for yourself. People may tell you to "put yourself out there," but if you're not ready, remind yourself that being single isn't stigmatic; it's sometimes a choice. "Breakups are an opportunity to love and advocate for yourself in ways you may have never done before," life coach Molly Lyda previously told Elite Daily. "That alone has a powerful effect on your sense of self."
When you're in a relationship, you're not always able to be selfish. Another person's needs and desires often have to be taken into consideration, and you can't always put yourself first. However, when you're single, you don't have to worry about compromise or meeting anyone else's expectations. As life coach Kali Rogers suggested, "Make sure to intentionally put yourself first in situations where you may not be able to if you were in a relationship. Embrace your relationship status as a powerful commodity."
Being single means being able to decide what you want to watch on TV, what you want to order for dinner, and what you want to do on Friday night — not to mention every other night of the week. Celebrate your ability to choose. "When you are single, you have the opportunity to expand your life in any direction you choose," self-love activist Susan Ball previously reminded Elite Daily. "You have no encumbrances. You are free. You can explore and be curious."
Your newly-single status might have you feeling hesitant or unsure of yourself, but it might help to practice saying "yes" whenever you can. By trying new things and hanging out with new people, you might discover some unexpected opportunities. As relationship expert and matchmaker Nora DeKeyser previously suggested, "Fill that void with your own passions, friends, family, exercise, [and] new activities that you've always wanted to do but haven't had the time."
Just because you don't have a partner right now doesn't mean you can't feel satisfied. Remind yourself (and the people around you) that your level of contentment shouldn't be contingent on your relationship status. "Having ways to self-soothe and create joy in your own life on your own are extremely valuable life skills," relationship and wellness coach Shula Melamed previously reminded Elite Daily.
Not everyone heals at the same pace, and you might not be ready (or even have the desire) to date again as quickly as others. "The general rule is that it takes half the amount of time you were with them to feel truly over the relationship," intuitive dating coach Diana Dorell, previously told Elite Daily. "But every relationship is different." It's important to remember that no one can dictate your timeline but you.
As the great Lizzo says, "I'm my own soulmate. I know how to love me." No one can show you the kind of love that you're able to show yourself, and when you're newly single, it's the best time to practice self-love. As clinical psychotherapist and counselor Kevon Owen previously said, "Remember who you are, remember that you're worthy of love and there is more extraordinary love to experience when you're ready to."
Losing a partner doesn't mean losing everything. In fact, being single again may just remind you how much love you have in your life, even without a romantic relationship. "You may have lost love, but you're still loved and lovable, and a breakup is a time to be reminded of this," breakup expert Elle Huerta previously pointed out to Elite Daily.
If you think your life is going to begin when you find the right partner, then I must respectfully disagree. Just as dating someone shouldn't mean sacrificing a part of yourself, having a partner shouldn't make you feel whole. Your future is just as sparkly and bright with or without someone by your side. "At some point, we have to stand up, take a deep breath, and focus on all the possibilities the future has for us," online dating consultant Lydia Kociuba emphasized. "Life is too short to dwell on what was and not focus on what could be."
Not quite ready to date? Then consider waiting. 2020 is a new decade and a new opportunity to take time for you, no matter what others may think.
Experts:
Kevon Owen, MS, LP, clinical psychotherapist and counselor
Sources:
Chelsea Leigh Trescott, breakup coach and podcast host of Thank You Heartbreak
Molly Lyda, MA, life coach
Kali Rogers, CEO of Blush Online Life Coaching
Susan Ball, self-love activist and author of Courage and Grace: From Broken to Blissful, the Journey of Building Joy During Your Recovery from Abuse
Nora DeKeyser, relationship expert and matchmaker
Shula Melamed, MA, MPH, relationship and wellness coach
Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again
Elle Huerta, CEO and founder of the heartbreak recovery app Mend
Lydia Kociuba, MS, online dating consultant at Rapport Relationships
