You've probably heard the expression "Love happens when you least expect it." The problem with this notion is that it implies that you shouldn't really look for love — that it will only come your way once you're not trying to pursue it. According to dating and relationship coach Deanna Cobden, that's not necessarily the case.

“If you don't look for a quality relationship, you won't find it,” she previously told Elite Daily. “You usually end up with what falls into your lap or nothing at all. But your search must come from a place of being fulfilled and happy first.”

At the same time, however, she cautions against being too focused in your pursuit of love — if you have a long list of things you’re looking for in a partner, you may end up so close-minded that you miss out on potentially rewarding romantic opportunities. Not only that, but you might end up disappointed time and again when no one is able to meet your hyper-specific fantasy.

So, seek out a balance between pursuing love and at the same time, maintaining an open mind (and an open heart).

Your BFF met their boo on a dating app. But your sister insists on setting you up with someone because that’s how she met her current partner. Here’s the deal: There’s no single “right” way to find love. And what worked for someone else may not actually be the most effective search strategy for you.

If trying to strike up a convo with a stranger at a bar is terrifying to you, you might put your feelers out on some apps. If you’re dead set on finding someone who shares a particular hobby or interest with you, join a local Meetup group or take a class that allows you to meet like-minded people. If you want to meet someone IRL, but you don't know how to start, hire a dating coach to help you. The point is, it’s time to find your own path to romance — one that’s based on your own unique needs, desires, priorities, and personality.

I've never been a fan of the expression "You can't love someone else until you love yourself." It implies that you need to be at a certain stage of self-acceptance in order to be worthy of love. That said, you don't want to lose sight of your journey toward self-love as you search for romantic love — because recognizing your own worth is key to attracting a partner who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Did you notice that I called it a "journey?" Self-love isn't really a state to be achieved, but rather, a continual and ever-evolving endeavor that you can work on every day. And your efforts will undoubtedly pay off in a big way when it comes to your love life.

"We can always learn more about ourselves, what we want and need in a partner, what we have to offer a partner, what our boundaries are in our lives and relationships, and most importantly, how to love, accept and respect ourselves," Nikki Leigh, love coach and host of Ready for Love Radio, previously told Elite Daily. "That should be our first priority. Then, we're better able to love, accept and respect a partner who deserves our love and respect."

Keep in mind, too, that it's just as important to know yourself as it is to love yourself — in fact, the two are deeply intertwined.

"When looking for a partner, you should ideally have a solid sense of who you are which includes your deficits and weaknesses, as well as your talents and gifts," Anne Beverly Chow, counselor-in-residence at Bluebird Counseling Center, explained to Elite Daily. "If you can communicate what you want to a partner and admit your faults as well, it helps you manage your expectations and sets you up for success."

It's almost a guarantee that there will be some unexpected pitfalls on your path to love. You may hit it off with someone, only to find out they aren't looking for a serious relationship. Or, you could get ghosted or stood up by someone you were really excited about. There's also a chance that you may feel frustrated by the shortage of dating prospects that meet your specific wants. Regardless of what happens along your journey this year, remember this: It's OK to take a break when you need one, whether that means deleting your apps for a week or three, or bailing on a date you scheduled that you're secretly dreading.

Listening to your gut is crucial to finding love, and if your instincts tell you that you need to take a step back from dating, then you should honor that need. Besides, once you take a breather, you'll be able to hop back into the dating game with more of the renewed energy, enthusiasm, and optimism that you need to find your future bae.

As previously stated, finding love is a stellar goal to set for 2020. But the more specific you can get with that goal, the better. What does your ideal romantic situation look like? Does it involve a serious long-term relationship that leads to marriage? Does it entail a passionate partnership that’s filled with travel and adventure? Take some time to define it, and if you can, write it down or type it out. Make sure that your dating intention is somewhere visible to you (like the Notes app in your phone, or your daily planner), so that you’ll have a constant reminder of what you’re looking for.

"When you set an intention, you’re creating more awareness, which will open up new possibilities of organic connections,” Thomas Edwards Jr., founder of The Professional Wingman, previously told Elite Daily. “You’re declaring a plan that really speaks to how you want to show up in your dating life. The clearer you are, the stronger your beliefs, actions, and decisions become — making dating much a simpler process for you in the wake of others who may not be in alignment with your intentions."

In other words, setting intentions raises your awareness around what you’re actually looking for, so that you’ll be far more likely to identify when you’ve found it.

Sources:

Deanna Cobden, dating and relationship coach

Nikki Leigh, love coach

Anne Beverly Chow, counselor

Thomas Edwards Jr., dating coach