If These Sexy Celebrities Were Your Valentines, Here's What They'd Do
Valentine's Day is one of those holidays you either love or you hate.
I personally will be single for the seventh year in a row (but who's counting?), so you could say I'm not feeling super into it.
I used to be, though, so I do appreciate the lengths couples go for each other to make sure this day is special.
So what would happen if all of us had valentines this year? And, better yet, what would happen if those valentines were celebrities?!
Wait, hear me out. I'm not talking about just ANY celebrities. I'm talking about the sexiest celebrity men on the planet. I honestly need to take a seat just thinking about WTF that'd be like.
For all my single ladies out there, OR HEY even taken girls, who want their wildest celebrity fantasies to come true, I'm here to help you visualize and truly understand what Valentine's Day would be like spent in the arms of your favorite celebrities.
Here's a hint: It'd be sexy as f*ck.
Around a quarter to 8, Zayn would pick you up in his freshly waxed Bentley and escort you from your steps to the front of his vehicle. Your seat would be cushioned with red velvet lining and Zayn would hold your hand in your lap, stroking the top of your fingers with his thumb ever so sensually.
He'd take you to a candlelit dinner at his favorite restaurant and stare deep into your eyes the entire time. He'd order rounds of bite-sized appetizers, from lettuce cups to crab cakes, and aggressively lick his lip in between bites.
After you finish your meal, Zayn would take you outside, pull you in close and kiss you against his car just long enough for the paparazzi to capture the moment.
He'd drive you back to his place and make love to you on his bed while blasting "Pillowtalk" and sprinkling flower petals all over your naked body.
He'd breathe heavily into your ears, feed you chocolate-covered strawberries and live-tweet about your unforgettable night, so you and all 17 million of his followers could experience the magic together.
You'd meet Ryan at your local cafe. He'd buy you a cup of coffee and offer to split a pastry, his treat.
He'd pick the table by the window and you'd spend the next few hours discussing everything from books to careers to your futures. Ryan would accidentally spill some coffee on his pants and the two of you would share a laugh about his clumsiness.
Shortly after, Ryan would inform you, unfortunately, he lives halfway across the world and was only in town for a work trip. You'd exchange contact information and leave each other, forever wondering what could have been between you.
A few weeks later, it'd be Valentine's Day. You'd wake up that morning and head to the coffee shop to grab a cappuccino before starting your day.
Ryan would surprise you there with a bouquet of flowers and a handmade card.
You'd make eye contact for a quick moment but turn away fast out of disbelief the man of your dreams is back again, at that same coffee shop, looking there for you.
"I flew halfway across the world to see you today," he'd tell you.
After a passionate embrace and a light kiss on the cheek, he'd take you to a nearby park to slow dance in the sun and nibble on a bundt cake made just for you by his mother.
You and Justin would date for a few years and then break up sometime mid-January.
After not talking for a few weeks, Justin would drunk text you out of the blue and confess his feelings for you.
You'd feel the same way, but your friends would encourage you to ignore him and remain strong. "He isn't sorry," they'd tell you. "He only misses your body," they'd say.
A couple days before Valentine's Day, you'd accidentally run into Justin at the grocery store. He would explain in-person how it just doesn't feel right to celebrate the day without you, so he'd ask you to go to dinner around 5 pm.
You'd agree and say "yes," he'd blush, squeeze your hand and run out to his limo.
On Valentine's Day, he'd take you to a rooftop restaurant and the entire place would be rented out just for you two.
He'd snap his fingers and three waiters would appear with bowties and plates of caviar. He'd spoon feed you until you both were full and sleepy in each other's arms.
A fireplace would then appear in front of you and you'd be confused, but intrigued.
Another waiter would come and hand Justin a guitar. He'd tell you he wrote a song about you and tears would begin to stream down his face.
You'd watch him sing through the pain as he seduces you with an acoustic performance about his undying love for you.
He'd confess his deepest feelings until 4 am and by the time it was morning, an entirely new album would be written just about you.
John Krasinski would begin planning this date last April. He'd want your special day to begin at 8 am on the dot so he'd wake you up at 7:15 am to get dressed.
First he'd serve you waffles with syrup in bed, even though the edges would be just a little crispier than you'd like. It's the thought that counts, right?
He'd roll around in bed with you for a couple of minutes nuzzling his head into your chest. After a few tickle fights and kisses (with no tongue), he'd tell you he rented a hot air balloon for you to fly in together through a company his cousin's sister recommended.
He'd pack you both a lunch as you shower but he'd forget to buy plastic bags so you'd end up eating the sandwiches on the car ride there. You'd also stop at Arby's on the way to get large curly fries to-go. And a milkshake.
You'd arrive at the takeoff station and stand next to John as the balloon rises and you fly through a cloud-covered wonderland. Shortly after, the guide would issue an unexpected landing due to technical complications, so your ride would be cut short.
You'd hold John tightly as you silently scream and think -- only for a moment -- about what it'd be like to die right now in his arms.
You'd go home together after a full day of fun and fear, and end the night kissing each other (this time with tongue) and watching low-budget romcoms until you fall asleep.
Nick would be shirtless the entire weekend, starting 24 hours before Valentine's Day. He'd literally burn off his shirt in your honor and draw a heart on the floor with the ashes.
The two of you would then put on monogrammed, matching robes and make your way toward a pool-sized bubble bath filled with salts and fragrances to set the mood.
You'd split a bottle of champagne and let it float in the water as you massage various oils into his muscles. Twelve hours would pass and you'd realize you both were bathing together all day, nonstop.
Your entire body would feel like a prune and you'd be dying of hunger, but it wouldn't even matter because he'd write "I love you" with whipped cream onto his six-pack, making every problem in your life vanish instantly.
So, that's about it. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. I hope all of your wildest fantasies come true.