8 Signs Your Crush Just Isn’t That Into You
Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be.
Having a crush is the most exciting feeling. It's fun to gush over someone new, isn’t it? Wondering what it would feel like to kiss them, or hold their hand, or maybe even date them? Well, it’s fun until you realize you may never have the chance to date — then it’s just heartbreaking. Which, sadly, may be the case if you’re picking up on the signs your crush doesn’t like you.
It may sound cliché, but the truth is, it’s usually pretty easy to tell if the person you’re into is into you, too. But, what if your crush is more introverted and quiet? What if you’ve been long-time friends and are starting to catch romantic feelings? Or what if they’re just hard to read in general? If any of these are the case, you might be looking for clear-cut signs he doesn’t like you (or signs she definitely does). Of course, not everyone shows interest in the exact same way and to the exact same degree. Some people genuinely are more low-key about it, so if you feel like they could like you back, it may be worth shooting your shot.
If you’re crushing on someone and searching for the signs she or he doesn’t like you back, here are eight indicators that the person you’re interested in may not be interested in return. Which, yes, is such a bummer — but it’s better to find out sooner rather than later, right?
1. They’re Not Communicative
If you feel like you’re always the one doing the calling, you always text first, and you start all of your conversations, your crush may not be that into you.
“A reliable predictor of someone’s intent is their actions or inactions,” behavioral scientist and relationship coach Clarissa Silva tells Elite Daily. “When someone starts to withdraw from the relationship, the first sign is you expressing frustration and they make little to no effort to address your concerns.” It can be tempting to make excuses for them — like they just aren't that good at texting or they're more of an in-person conversationalist. But in reality, if they liked you, they'd make an effort to get in touch with you. Period.
“If they want to go out with you, they’ll reach out,” Meredith Prescott, LCSW, previously told Elite Daily. “It’s that simple.”
2. They Don't Listen When You Talk
Someone who likes you as much as you like them will hang on your every word, just as you hang onto theirs. They’ll be interested in what you have to say because they’re interested in you, making you feel supported, heard, and fully comfortable.
"There [should] be a feeling of comfort, like you fit together,” Lesli Doares, couples consultant and marriage coach at Foundations Coaching, previously told Elite Daily. “You can be yourself without fear of rejection or criticism. No aspect of their life will be separate from you. That doesn't mean you are always together, but just that there are no secrets." That’s how you know someone’s the one.
Conversely, if someone doesn’t like you, they’ll barely listen to what you’re saying. If you feel like you’re constantly chasing them down and fighting for their attention, it might be time to let that person go.
3. They Don't Care That You Date Other People
If you've purposely dropped hints that you’re dating other people in front of your crush to see how they react, and they don't react at all, then they probably don't like you the way you want them to.
If someone’s into you (even a little bit), their ears would likely perk up if you mentioned dating other people. They might even display some signs of jealousy, which makes sense, because they want to be the one dating you! “Not caring about loyalty or exclusivity is really about self-preservation,” Silva says. “They have re-evaluated what they thought was compatible about you and realize that they don’t see you having fitness in their lives.”
If your crush doesn't seem concerned at all about your other dating escapades, a crush is probably all they’ll ever be.
4. They Date Other People In Front Of You
On the flip side, think about how you’d feel if you found out your crush was dating other people. Not great, right? If you’re interested in having an open relationship, that’s one thing. But if your crush is actively dating other people — without making a concerted effort to date you — there’s likely a reason. And if they’ve recently gotten into a serious relationship, it may be time to move on.
"This is not to say that you should completely unfriend or turn your back on them," Chris Armstrong, founder of the relationship coaching company Maze of Love, previously told Elite Daily. "Instead, just find ways to shorten the amount of time you spend with them. You know yourself well enough to know how comfortable (or not) you can be with them while they are with someone else. Trust your gut here!"
5. They Aren’t Physically Affectionate Toward You
If you like someone, you’ll often find little ways to be close to them or touch them. It could be as simple as sitting next to them during a meeting or class, or even giving them a hug to say hello.
“When someone is excited to see you, you’ll notice it with their body language, starting with a smile,” dating expert Julie Spira previously told Elite Daily. She explained that a hug, a touch of the hand, or an arm against the shoulder are all signs your crush likes you.
While people have different ways of showing love and interest (e.g. love languages), someone who’s not into you likely won’t display these little markers of physical affection. They won’t look for excuses to get close to you; they might even act a bit weird if you try to get close to them. And if you get the sense that your crush is uncomfortable with flirty, physical contact, it’s definitely time to stop cozying up to them.
6. They Never Seem To Be Available
Does your crush never seem to be available when you ask them to hang out? Are they perpetually busy? If so, this can be — unfortunately — another sign that they don’t like you the way you like them. Someone who’s into you will find ways to see you, even if they really are busy. “When you are into someone, it seems like you can’t get enough of them and spending time with them is the answer to that addictive feeling,” notes Silva. “Some telltale signs [that your crush doesn’t like you] are consistently seeing that they make fewer plans to see you and the reason is a busy schedule. Another one is that you both begin to have less constant communication and reactions to your news and celebratory moments.”
No matter how hard you’re crushing, try not to make time for a person who isn’t willing to make time for you.
7. They Don't Remember Things That Are Important To You
Odds are, if a person is interested in you, they’ll strive to know what’s going on in your life and pay close attention to you talking about your day, or like all your posts on social media. “If they know things about you that you didn’t tell them, that’s a non-creepy sign they are into you,” Silva previously said. “When someone is going above and beyond to make you aware of their interest, remembering important events, bringing you gifts, focusing on your favorite foods/music, [that] is a sign they are studying you,” she tells Elite Daily. “Once they begin forgetting details about you, it’s a sign they are not into you.”
So, what if your crush forgets your birthday or spaces out on that huge work event you have coming up? If they can’t seem to keep track of the things that matter to you, they likely aren’t interested in dating. Otherwise, wouldn’t they want to celebrate these moments with you (just as you’d want to celebrate with them)?
8. They Treat You Like Everyone Else
If your crush treats you the same way they treat their other friends and acquaintances, they might not be not looking for anything more than a friendship with you. “It’s not uncommon for friends to meet for dinners, brunches, or drinks, but there's a big difference between grabbing a bite with your buddies and going to a romantic restaurant just the two of you,” Brenda Della Casa, relationship coach and author of Cinderella Was a Liar, previously told Elite Daily. “Going out for cocktails in candlelight doesn't always mean someone is interested, but if they are constantly asking you to ‘date-like’ activities together, it's a sign they are trying to move the relationship into another direction.”
In other words, your crush would (and should!) indicate that your relationship with them is different, special, and tinged with romance if they felt you two had a more intimate bond than the one they’ve got with other pals. If it feels like you’re in the friend zone, you probably are.
“[Crushes] can be the hardest to get over because they are based on something that is imagined as opposed to the reality of dating an imperfect person,” says Alessandra Conti, celebrity matchmaker at Matchmakers In The City. But if your crush doesn’t want to date you, she recommends “mourning the end of the situationship” and moving on. Remember that it’s normal for not everyone you like to like you back. That’s just part of dating and doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it just means you haven’t found your perfect match yet — and that’s OK.
“Wish them well but wish them away,” Conti says. “Move on so you can find an amazing partner who is on fire for you!”
Meredith Prescott, LCSW, Prescott Psychotherapy and Wellness
Lesli Doares, couples consultant and marriage coach, Foundations Coaching
Chris Armstrong, founder of relationship coaching company Maze of Love
Julie Spira, dating expert
Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist, relationship coach, and creator of Your Happiness Hypothesis Method
Brenda Della Casa, relationship coach and author of Cinderella Was a Liar
Alessandra Conti, celebrity matchmaker, Matchmakers In The City
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