Look, if there's anyone out there who knows how great I am, it's me and my mom probably. Thanks, mom.
If there's anyone out there whom I WANT to be able to handle how great I am, it's my partner. (Still trying to find you, LOL. I know you love hide and seek.)
In a healthy relationship, your partner should not only accept and love how utterly great you are with open arms, but they have to be able to handle it themselves, too.
Now, does that mean your relationship is doomed just because your partner doesn't laugh at ONE lame joke you make? No, BUT THAT'S STILL NOT COOL.
And if you feel like they're constantly knocking you down, rest assured, it's not you that's the issue.
Here are six red flags that signal it's really your partner who can't handle just how fucking awesome you are.
1. They always play the "one-up" game.
There's absolutely nothing worse than a partner who's trying to beat you at your own greatness game.
If Beyoncé herself comes down from her throne one day and tells you she's giving you exactly 15 puppies and a Slurpee because of how great you are, your partner should never immediately follow that up with "That reminds me, Jesus himself came to me the other day and gave me 16 puppies and TWO Slurpees."
Obviously, you should both lift each other up and be proud of each other's accomplishments, but you should devote enough time to focus on each of your accomplishments individually.
Basically, your partner should first exclaim how great you are, remind you how great you are and ask questions about how your utter greatness awarded you this GREAT SUCCESS.
THEN, you can totally move on to celebrating their (likely lesser, don't @ me) accomplishments.
2. They even make you feel bad about your accomplishments.
OK, friends, it's time to get pretty serious with this one.
Because you know you're a great ball of fire, you should know your accomplishments are also little bursts of sunshine to be celebrated. But if your partner doesn't take the time to celebrate those accomplishments with you, that should raise your eyebrows a bit.
For example, let's say you just lost your goddamn mind exclaiming to your partner that you got a callback for an acting gig.
If they immediately come back with some variation of "That's great! You worked so hard for it. I wish someone would notice how much effort I was putting in at work," all the time, then it could be a sign they're not equipped to handle your bomb self.
Of course, partners should support each other equally, so you should be able to set your feelings aside briefly and be there emotionally for your SO if they're struggling.
At the same time, though, they should ideally be able to do the same for you, for both good and bad news. Give and take, people. GIVE AND TAKE.
3. They're quick to shoot down your "crazy" ideas.
You guys, I'm not saying you SHOULD walk up to a cop and ask him to arrest you all in the name of doing it for the Vine (RIP).
But I AM saying that if your partner constantly shows apprehension or disapproval of your actions, then they probably won't be able to handle your greatness — GREAT ideas included.
Part of what makes you a fucking bomb person is your eagerness to try new things, have fun and get a little ~crazy~.
Yes, you should be sensitive to your partner's needs, yada, yada, yada, but we aren't getting any younger, Karen. (Sorry if your name isn't Karen. Just pretend it is for now.)
A partner who can handle your greatness is a partner who can and WILL keep up with you, even if that means driving down the road while you wear a weird mask and scare people in other cars.
4. They say, "I can't with you," too many times per day.
I know all of us say, "OMG, I CAN'T," about 80 times per day, when in reality, we probably can. But if your partner starts saying this more than you already do, that's definitely... something.
Your greatness IS a lot to handle, and it's certainly not a job for the faint of heart. But the first thing your partner should bring to the table is a positive attitude and a willingness to at least TRY to "can with you."
At the end of the day, perhaps this is just a quippy saying that's popular among the youths. But also at the end of the day, if I say, "I'm gonna eat that donut over there" enough times, I'll usually do it.
Be careful with this one, my great unicorns. There might come a day when your partner ACTUALLY can't with you.
5. They make questionable comments about your actions and appearance.
I can't even make up something funny to say about this, so everyone please take several seats while I get up on my soapbox.
YOU. ARE. LITERALLY. SO. GREAT.
That means things like what you eat, what you wear and what you smear all over your face to feel good are also great.
So if you find your partner making consistent, pretty-serious-sounding comments that AREN'T about how really fucking great all those things you do are, that's NOT a red flag that something's wrong with you.
No, that's a red flag that your partner is the next one who needs to take an infinite amount of seats for not being able to handle how great you are.
6. They don't die laughing at your jokes multiple times a day.
If you're not planning multiple funerals for your partner a day for how many times they actually die laughing at your jokes, THEN IT'S TIME TO DUMP THEIR ASS.
OK, I'm kidding... kind of.
Listen, you're great, and by extension, everything that comes out of your mouth is probably dripping with the sweat of a million great humor gods.
Sure, your jokes might be a little out there sometimes, but if your partner only pity laughs every time that gold leaves your mouth, have no fear.
It's not because your jokes are shitty, it's because they just can't handle you in your prime.