One bridesmaid just upped the ante for all future bridesmaids ever, and I'm not even mad about it.
Usually, when you think of your duties as someone's bridesmaid, you think planning the bridal shower, the bachelorette party, the wedding toast and holding up her dress while she pees.
But Katie, a bridesmaid-turned-rapper, reminded everyone that we need to add "spitting mad raps on the track," to that list, "the track" being Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady."
In the video above, a voice off camera asks all the wedding guests if the real Slim KATIE would please stand up, and Katie stood up like there was no tomorrow.
After encouraging everyone watching to "get a drink in [their] hand," Katie lays down the sickest lines ever to come out of a bridesmaid's mouth at a wedding. (I'll admit, I haven't been to THAT many weddings in my day, so don't @ me if you've heard a better bridesmaid rap.)
But Katie doesn't just regurgitate the real Slim Shady's boring verses. Oh, no. Instead, she created totally original lyrics, all of which detail the love story of the bride and groom.
First, we find out that, before this love story began, the groom, whose name is Trevor, "already had a girl, a ring and an epiphany."
Apparently, Trevor liked the bride, Jess, so much, that he realized he couldn't go through with his previous engagement. OOOOOH, TREVOR ~EXPOSED.~
Katie also revealed Trevor and Jess worked together and "stayed at the office really late" for their first date. Super steamy. He just could NOT resist Jess' blue eyes.
Then, Katie dropped a fire chorus, starting with "we're all here to celebrate the couple that is really great."
She continued, "Help me with a toast to the love we host. Would the parents of the bride raise your glass, raise your glass and drink."
YOU GOT IT, KATIE. ANYTHING FOR A FIRE RAPPER LIKE YOU.
Jess and Trevor moved pretty fast because, according to Katie, next, "it was time to meet the family."
Katie revealed all of Jess' family and friends were a BIT skeptical of Trevor at first. (I mean, he DID break off an engagement with someone else, so, like, valid.) But thankfully, he turned out to be a solid dude.
After charming the pants off Jess' loved ones, Trevor seemed perfect, but...
Trevor asked Jess "to move 3,000 miles away."
Fortunately for Trevor and Jess' love story, Jess "thought for a second and then said, 'OK!'"
But what really made Jess know Trevor was the one?
She said, "I want a puppy," and Jeff said, "Sure thing." AND HE GOT HER A LABRADOODLE.
Honestly, talk about true love, you guys. When I told my mom I wanted a puppy, she laughed in my face.
BUT ANYWAY, after the puppy came a beautiful engagement, and the rest is history for these two lovebirds.
Obviously, everyone at the wedding AND the newlyweds praised Katie once they realized she had the potential for an actual rap career.
TBH, was this even a wedding? Or was it just Katie's solo debut as a rapper? I mean, just look at the bride. She's literally BOWING DOWN on HER wedding day.
Thank you, Katie, for proving to me that I can never be a bridesmaid now because I can't rap.
And everyone else go home because YOUR WEDDINGS ARE NOW CANCELED.