Being in a long-term relationship is amazing in a lot of ways. You know you have someone who truly cares about you and always has your back — plus, it means you've always got someone to hang out with. But even if your partner is also your bestie, being in a long-term, monogamous relationship can start to feel a little too routine over time. If lately you've been asking yourself something along the lines of, “Is my boyfriend bored of me?” or “Is she getting tired of being around me?” try not to worry too much.
Time can change your dynamic, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that there's anything inherently wrong with your relationship. It may just mean that the comfortable routine you forged together has grown a little stale. The good thing is that even if you’re sensing that perhaps your partner is getting bored with your relationship, it’s generally fixable. Oftentimes just mixing things up, trying new things, and putting in the effort to bring back some of that new relationship energy is all it takes.
In order to begin bringing your relationship out from the depths of boredom, you first need to know how to recognize the signs that the relationship is getting a little stale for your partner. Rather than asking yourself “Is he bored of me?” take a closer look at your partner’s behavior. Experts Demetrius Figueroa, founder of the blog A Mighty Love, and Grace Lee, co-founder of A Good First Date Online, spoke to Elite Daily to help break down ways to recognize that your girlfriend or boyfriend is getting bored, and what to do about it. Here's what they had to say.
What To Do About It
Realizing that your partner is losing interest in the relationship can be a tough pill to swallow, but Figueroa assures that there is still plenty of hope to improve things. “If you’ve gotten to the point where you feel like your partner has lost interest in your relationship, you should be concerned, but it is salvageable,” he says. “The first step is to address things openly, without accusations.”
If you’re feeling a lull, don’t bottle it up and internalize it. Acknowledging that your relationship could use an extra spark of newness might even bring you two closer as you brainstorm exciting things to do together.
"Talk about it! Don't start with 'I'm bored' — ask your partner what they are looking to experience, and share some of your desires," Shula Melamed, relationship and wellbeing coach, previously told Elite Daily. "Collaborate on a plan to invite more adventure and exploration into your relationship, whether it means traveling, going out to different events, or socializing with different people. Acknowledging that more possibilities for different ways to connect can be created, all the while appreciating what they have."
In addition to talking to your partner about what you are feeling, Figueroa advises to break out of your routine. “For some people, the cure for boredom in a relationship is a break in routine. For others, it’s more spontaneity from their partners,” he says. “Stop going to the same places for date nights, surprise your partner with displays of affection they might not be expecting, or do the dishes after you cook [if] you rarely do the dishes.”
Sometimes, it really is just the simple gestures that can help get your relationship back on track. “Curing boredom in a relationship doesn’t have to mean spending tons of money traveling to new places or buying new things,” Figeroa says. “It can be as simple as an unexpected text telling them how much you appreciate them and can’t wait to see them.”.
Ultimately, boredom is just one of those things that you can learn to work through together as a couple if you want your relationship to stand the test of time. Fortunately, it is one that’s surmountable. Rather than see it as a problem, perhaps you’re better off looking at it from Lee’s perspective: “Relationship problems are an opportunity to grow as an individual [and] as a couple. They say that relationships are hard work, but with hard work comes reward.”
Demetrius Figueroa, relationship writer and founder of the blog A Mighty Love
Grace Lee, dating coach and co-founder of A Good First Date Online
Sara Oliveri Olumba, certified life coach
Shula Melamed, relationship and wellbeing coach