Being in a long-term relationship is amazing in a lot of ways. You know you have someone who truly cares about you and always has your back — plus, it means you've always got someone to hang out with. But even if your partner is also your bestie, being in a long-term, monogamous relationship can start to feel a little too routine over time. If lately you've been asking yourself something along the lines of, “Is my boyfriend bored of me?” or “Is she getting tired of being around me?” try not to worry too much.
Time can change your dynamic, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that there's anything inherently wrong with your relationship. It may just mean that the comfortable routine you forged together has grown a little stale. The good thing is that even if you’re sensing that perhaps your partner is getting bored with your relationship, it’s generally fixable. Oftentimes just mixing things up, trying new things, and putting in the effort to bring back some of that new relationship energy is all it takes.
In order to begin bringing your relationship out from the depths of boredom, you first need to know how to recognize the signs that the relationship is getting a little stale for your partner. Rather than asking yourself “Is he bored of me?” take a closer look at your partner’s behavior. Experts Demetrius Figueroa, founder of the blog A Mighty Love, and Grace Lee, co-founder of A Good First Date Online, spoke to Elite Daily to help break down ways to recognize that your girlfriend or boyfriend is getting bored, and what to do about it. Here's what they had to say.
How often do you and your partner try new things together? Figueroa says if this desire to share new experiences has faded, it’s likely a sign that your SO is bored.
“If your partner used to be open to trying new things, whether it’s date venues or activities, and now they just want to do the same thing over and over, it's a sign that they’re bored with the relationship,” he explains. “It might sound counter-intuitive, but you can become bored with a relationship if doing something new becomes routine.”
Are you finding more and more often that your partner is making excuses to spend time apart? If so, Lee tells Elite Daily this may mean that your partner would rather be elsewhere.
“If they are spending less time with you, [are] going out with their friends, or are just ‘busy’ — [or if they are] less present when you are together, then boredom could be a root cause,” Lee says.
When you’re with someone new, everything about them is fascinating. You can talk for hours just getting to know one another. While that tends to dissipate a bit over time, there should always be some level of curiosity — even if it's just about how their day was.
“When your partner becomes bored in the relationship, they’re likely to become less and less inquisitive about you,” explains Figueroa. “They’ll stop asking about your day, likely because they’re bored hearing about it. They’ll stop asking you what’s new with you because they’ve lost all the excitement your answers used to bring them.”
We are all guilty of looking at our phones too much, but when your partner is almost always engaged with their screen rather than with you, Figueroa says this is a sign that they're probably bored. Figueroa refers to this behavior as “alone-time together.”
“If your partner has become bored with your relationship, they may continue to spend a lot of time physically with you, but they’ll do things that they could easily do alone,” he explains. “You may be sitting in the same room, but they’re scrolling through their social media feeds, or listening to podcasts, rather than just talking to you or enjoying something together. Alone time is important in relationships, but so is quality time together.”
While disagreements are a natural part of all healthy relationships, if you notice that your partner frequently bickers with you over small things and instigates arguments for gratuitous reasons, it may be a symptom of boredom.
"Since being in a relationship is a big commitment, when we feel bored we will have strong negative feelings due to the fact that the commitment no longer feels worth it," certified life coach Sara Oliveri Olumba previously told Elite Daily.
There are a lot of subtle ways that your partner may be showing you that the relationship has gotten stale, but the clearest and most common sign, according to Lee, is that they'll just say so.
“More often than not, the most obvious sign that your partner is bored is that they tell you,” Lee says. “Sometimes it's a minor complaint like: ‘We don't go out anymore' and other times it can be blunt and obvious: ‘I'm bored.’”
If they say it, believe them. And on the flip side, if you are starting to find that your girlfriend or boyfriend is boring you, tell them what you’re thinking.
What To Do About It
Realizing that your partner is losing interest in the relationship can be a tough pill to swallow, but Figueroa assures that there is still plenty of hope to improve things. “If you’ve gotten to the point where you feel like your partner has lost interest in your relationship, you should be concerned, but it is salvageable,” he says. “The first step is to address things openly, without accusations.”
If you’re feeling a lull, don’t bottle it up and internalize it. Acknowledging that your relationship could use an extra spark of newness might even bring you two closer as you brainstorm exciting things to do together.
"Talk about it! Don't start with 'I'm bored' — ask your partner what they are looking to experience, and share some of your desires," Shula Melamed, relationship and wellbeing coach, previously told Elite Daily. "Collaborate on a plan to invite more adventure and exploration into your relationship, whether it means traveling, going out to different events, or socializing with different people. Acknowledging that more possibilities for different ways to connect can be created, all the while appreciating what they have."
In addition to talking to your partner about what you are feeling, Figueroa advises to break out of your routine. “For some people, the cure for boredom in a relationship is a break in routine. For others, it’s more spontaneity from their partners,” he says. “Stop going to the same places for date nights, surprise your partner with displays of affection they might not be expecting, or do the dishes after you cook [if] you rarely do the dishes.”
Sometimes, it really is just the simple gestures that can help get your relationship back on track. “Curing boredom in a relationship doesn’t have to mean spending tons of money traveling to new places or buying new things,” Figeroa says. “It can be as simple as an unexpected text telling them how much you appreciate them and can’t wait to see them.”.
Ultimately, boredom is just one of those things that you can learn to work through together as a couple if you want your relationship to stand the test of time. Fortunately, it is one that’s surmountable. Rather than see it as a problem, perhaps you’re better off looking at it from Lee’s perspective: “Relationship problems are an opportunity to grow as an individual [and] as a couple. They say that relationships are hard work, but with hard work comes reward.”
Demetrius Figueroa, relationship writer and founder of the blog A Mighty Love
Grace Lee, dating coach and co-founder of A Good First Date Online
Sara Oliveri Olumba, certified life coach
Shula Melamed, relationship and wellbeing coach
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