4 Signs Your Partner Isn't Spending Enough Time With You, So You Might Need To Have A Talk
When you and your partner both have busy schedules, it can be easy to get caught up in everything else and forget to prioritize your relationship. Even when you've moved past the honeymoon phase, making time for each other should normally be something at the top of your to-do list. But, if you're noticing signs your partner isn't spending enough time with you, or you're not spending enough time with them, it may be time to talk it over with bae.
I don't know about you, but when I start dating someone new, I want to devote every possible moment to getting to know them and learning all the little things about this fun, new person in my life. Once the honeymoon phase is over and the relationship develops into something more serious, however, you and your partner have to figure out what you consider "enough" time spent together, and what you consider too little. Finding that middle ground can be difficult, but it's up to the two of you to figure it out together.
If you're not really sure what constitutes "enough" time spent with your SO, relationship educator and founder of Juicebox Sex & Relationship App, Brianna Rader, and life coach Nina Rubin, are here to point out some signs that your partner may not be spending enough time with you.
1. You value quality time differently.
For some people, spending quality time with their partner is really important. For others, their time spent together isn't as crucial as exchanging kind words or gifts. How you want your partner to show you their love depends on your love language. Rader tells Elite Daily that when you and bae have different love languages (if one of you values quality time, while the other values words of affirmation), it may make you feel like you aren't spending enough time together.
"Some people express their love by spending quality time while others may show their feelings through touch, words of affirmation, service, or gifts," Rader explains. "If quality time is more important for you, it doesn't mean there is a problem. However, it's important to talk about how you may express your love differently, so the other person is aware."
If you don't feel like you're spending enough time together, "Ask yourself: is it literally not enough quantitative time you're spending together, or is the time not quality, connecting time?" Rubin tells Elite Daily. "How do you decide which you need more of? Do you and your partner connect, laugh, enjoy each other's company? Or, are either of you feeling the 'shoulds' when making plans?"
2. You don't make future plans together.
"Depending on your stage in the relationship, this could just look like making plans for the weekend," Rader says. "However, as the relationship progresses you may want to start planning trips together in advance. If you both have busy schedules, making plans in advance can be an incredibly important way to prioritize your relationship. If you are both spontaneous, you may not make set plans, but you are still likely planning to spend time together even if the agenda isn't set."
If you struggle to make future plans with your partner, you're not alone. I've always been tremendously hesitant to plan something way ahead of time. (Even after being in a relationship for over a year, there were times I felt like planning something just a month in advance was too aggressive.) I always felt like my relationships could end from one day to the next, so I didn't like planning way into the future, because I didn't know if my relationships would even make it that far. It's still something I'm working on.
If you feel like you seem more excited to make future plans with your partner than they are with you, try talking to them about it. Communication is key after all, right?
3. You aren't spending time together each week.
People are busy, I get it. But making time for your SO is crucial to making your relationship work. "If you are in a long-distance relationship, you may not be able to see your significant other each week," she says, "[so,] you'll want to find uninterrupted time to chat at least weekly."
If you're not in a LDR, however, Rader says, "it's typical to get together at least on a weekly basis." If your partner can't find a couple hours a week to spend with you, it's possible they may not be prioritizing your relationship.
4. You aren't together for important events.
"One way to show you prioritize the relationship is by making sure you are both there when it's important," Rader says. "This could mean being there to celebrate a birthday or showing up for a family event."
If it was up to me, my boyfriend and I would go to every single one of our families' events together, but I understand that's not necessarily reasonable. "It's not realistic to be there for every milestone, so it's important to discuss which events are important, so your partner knows when to make the extra effort," Rader explains.
If you feel like you recognize any of these signs in your own relationship, Rubin advises you "simply invite your partner to do things with you. Lead by action!" Approach your partner in an encouraging way, as opposed to a nagging way. "People like to feel appreciated rather than nagged! Start the conversation with your hope, rather than a slam about what your partner is doing wrong. Use 'I' statements. Don't pout, nag, play the victim, or be defensive. Stand in your wishes to connect more."
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