The answer depends on a few things.
Recently, I've become a huge fan of setting relationship boundaries, most because — in the past — I didn’t set boundaries at all. It used to be the case that, whenever I got into a new relationship, my immediate reaction would be to go all-in way too quickly, and the results weren't always the best. Now I take the time to ask myself questions like, “How often should you see your boyfriend?,” and, “How often should you talk to your girlfriend?,” and, “How many nights should you sleep over your partner’s place?” I’ve learned from my past, and I know now that jumping in too quickly only leads to a relationship burning out too fast.
Before I get into my theories and research on this, it’s important to note that there is no “right” method for every relationship, since every couple is different and has different circumstances, personalities, and preferences. Ultimately, the answer to, “How often should I see my boyfriend or girlfriend?” totally depends on you and your SO. Your relationship is just that: your own. What works for one couple might not work for another, and that's OK.
If you are still stuck trying to figure out what is best for you, here's a guideline of how often you might consider hanging out with your partner, because everyone’s answer to, “How often do you see your boyfriend or girlfriend?” is likely different.
Like I said, the answer to this depends. Personally, I like to revisit the number of weekly dates or hangouts I have with someone periodically so it's reflective of the length and seriousness of the relationship. While some people might argue that talking to a new partner multiple times a day is normal (because it's exciting and your emotions are all over the place), my new strategy is to take things super slow. I've even gone so far as to limit the number of weekly phone calls I have with a new partner. I know it might sound mean, but trust me when I say it's more about my clinginess than it is about theirs.
Nikki Leigh, certified love coach and host of Ready For Love Radio, has a more relaxed approach. "I haven't ever really altered my time with someone as we're together longer," she tells Elite Daily. "Our lives together just kind of evolve depending on what we're doing and there's not really a formula that I can put into words. It's more based on work schedules, commitments, and other activities. We might spend time together in different ways, but not really different amounts of time." According to her, the best way to come up with a schedule of your own is to consider your personal wants and needs. Take into account time you'd like to dedicate to family, friends, work or homework, and even self-care before deciding on what works for you.
On the other hand, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge Logan Ury says rules about how often you should see your SO are BS. "I don’t believe in rules when it comes to how often to see someone you’re dating,” she tells Elite Daily. “Instead, take a look inside and investigate your motivation. For example, do you want to see this person more often because you’re excited about spending time with them, or is it because you’re worried that if you don’t see them they’ll forget about you or go out with someone else?”
Ury says the best way to determine how often you hang out with your partner depends on a few things. “If you want to see them less often, is it because you feel like you need more space, or could this be a sign of an avoidant attachment style, in which you pull back when you get close to someone?” she asks. “The more you can dig into what's really going on for you, the easier it is to make the right decision for yourself (and your relationship). The goal is to organically increase the intensity in a way that feels comfortable for both of you." And according to Ury, the answer might also depend on how long you two have been together.
If you and your boo have only been seeing each other for about a month, then you might consider agreeing to see your partner at least two out of the four weekends of the month, if you're available. It's just enough time to establish that you enjoy each other's company without imposing too much on other areas of your life, like your weekly best friends' brunch.
Have you and your SO celebrated three months? Then by this point, you've probably settled into a date-night routine. If not, now's the perfect time to start. Take a look at your schedules each week and set aside one day or night to do something special together. This gives you something to look forward to and keeps the spark alive. All good things in moderation, right?
After at least six months together, your relationship has probably outgrown any pre-determined schedules by now. You should feel comfortable hanging out with your partner spontaneously three or four times a week, but you're definitely not obligated to do so if you feel overwhelmed or if you simply feel differently. Just do you, boo.
By a year into your relationship, you probably have a pretty good routine that works for you. If that means seeing your partner every day, then amazing. If not, that’s also cool. If you have made it a year into your relationship, then you probably are doing something right. If not, and you feel like you need some time alone to focus on yourself, remember that it’s OK (and crucial for your relationship, TBH) that you take some time for yourself.
It's always important to remember who you are when you're not with your partner, especially if you are feeling smothered. Instead of scheduling time together, you might actually schedule time apart. That doesn’t mean the relationship isn’t strong — it just you are setting healthy boundaries. Spending time apart will remind you of how much you enjoy being with them, which will make the next time you hang out that more meaningful.
Of course, it's still important to remember there are no rules or formulas that determine exactly how many times a week you should see your partner. It depends on so many tiny factors like your mood, your schedule at work and school, and sometimes even the weather. If you've found a routine that works well for you and your partner, go with it. You don't need to justify it to anyone else in your lives.
Experts:
Nikki Leigh, certified love coach and host of Ready For Love Radio
Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
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