Good communication is necessary in a relationship. Yes, you've probably already heard this a million times, but that doesn't make it any less true. Communication is one of the most essential ways people connect, and it's how you keep a healthy relationship... well, healthy. And while there’s no right answer for how often you should talk to your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner, you should know it is healthy to not talk to your boyfriend every day. While it’s totally fine if you and your boo chat on a daily basis, experts say that — in a healthy relationship — you shouldn’t feel obligated to chat seven days a week.
According to relationship and etiquette expert April Masini, there are three things to consider when trying to decide how often to talk to your partner: the age of the relationship, the comfort of the people in the relationship, and what's actually happening in your lives at the moment. "If you're dating someone and it's a new relationship, you may be communicating multiple times a day because romance is strong and you're both chatty,” she says, “or you may be communicating a few times a week because you're both playing the field and there's no real commitment yet.” But if the relationship is long-term, here’s how you can decide how often to talk.
Should You Talk To Your Partner Every Day?
Every couple is unique, so there’s really no hard-and-fast rule about how often you and your boo should talk. According to author and relationship expert Susan Winter, the way to know if your communication frequency is healthy is if it's actually working. Winter suggests asking yourself, “Are you in sync with your partner, or do you find yourself frequently misunderstanding one another? Are you and your partner are on the same page as far as values, goals, and day-to-day conflict resolution?” If the answer to either of those questions is no, then you need to reconsider your communication frequency.
For some couples, this may mean making an effort to talk at least once a day. For others, they may find they’re OK with communicating just a few times a week. That being said, Winter does recommend couples touch base at least every other day, especially if they’re long distance. “Without ongoing contact, your relationship will wither,” she previously told Elite Daily. But as long as you and your boo are on the same page about how often you chat, then you likely have nothing to fear.
Should You Be Worried If You Don’t Talk Every Day?
Again, this totally depends on whether you and your partner are both satisfied with how often you’re currently in communication. If you check in once a day and it’s not distracting either of you from work or school, then that’s great. If you talk every three days and you two still feel totally connected, then that totally works, too — especially if don’t feel any need to chat every day. But if not talking to your partner on a daily basis has you feeling distant from them, then you may try reaching out to them more often and seeing how they respond.
According to Nicole Richardson, licensed marriage and family therapist, it’s important to have reasonable expectations for what your partner can offer based on their current schedule and situation. Yes, it would be great if you could FaceTime for two hours a day, but if they simply don’t have the time to do that, then you can’t fault them. “Limit texting to logistical things like when to meet, what to have for dinner, etc. and flirting,” she suggested. “A little, 'Have a great day cutie!" can go a long way."
Can You Talk To Your Partner Too Often?
If you do have the time and energy to talk to your SO every day, then go for it. But Masini warns that if communication begins interfering with your ability to conduct your day, that's a sign things are seriously amiss. Communication shouldn't be making it difficult to concentrate at work or keeping you awake at night. If either of those things begins to happen, it's time to set some boundaries. According to Masini, the key is to “approach the issue as a relationship problem where you both make adjustments. Then, you try different things, depending on what the problem is and who you both are.”
As Erica Gordon — dating expert, founder of The Babe Report, and author of Aren't You Glad You Read This? — previously explained to Elite Daily, you should talk to your partner if you find they’re texting or calling you more frequently than you’d like. "You can simply explain that you are finding yourself less productive due to the constant texting, and you'd like to text less,” she said. Or, you can say that you'd like to catch up in person, because when you are apart you are often too busy with other things to text all day." Setting reasonable communication boundaries, like "no texting after midnight" or “no texting during work hours,” can also be beneficial.
There are lots of things to try, and chances are — with a bit of tweaking — you can find a happy medium. But if you just don't seem to be finding that right balance, Winter suggests seeking some professional help finding a healthy way to communicate. "It's well worth the time and money to learn to preserve the love you've created,” she says. Yes to that!
April Masini, relationship and etiquette expert
Susan Winter, author and relationship expert
Nicole Richardson, licensed marriage and family therapist
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
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