experts explain how to know if a guy is not interested in you through text
11 Subtle Texting Clues That Mean Someone Isn't Interested In You

So you don’t have to waste your time.

by Candice Jalili and Awo Jama
Originally Published: 
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In simple terms, g​​etting romantically involved with someone can go one of three ways. In the first way, you both like each other equally and life is dandy. In the second way, they like you more than you like them and it's awkward. Finally, in the third, you're the one who likes them more than they like you but, of course, since you're not a mind reader, you're left feverishly searching for clues as to whether or not they feel the same way. If you are wondering how to know if a girl or guy is not interested in you through text, there are several signs you can spot. Whether someone takes forever to respond to you or they’re short with their messages, dating experts say there are a few things you can glean via text message to find out if someone just isn’t feeling it.

First and foremost, it’s important to know how to tell if someone doesn’t want to talk to you over text. Why? Because it saves you time. Wouldn’t you want to be in the loop sooner rather than later that someone wasn’t as into you as you were into them, so you could move on with your life? But on the other hand, it’s important to take these signs with a grain of salt. If you become too invested in trying to search for signs someone doesn’t like you, you might overlook some of the signs that they do like you.

When it comes to both sides of the reciprocation coin, generally you should just trust your gut. Chances are, if someone does have feelings for you, it will show itself, according to Connell Barrett, founder of Dating Transformation and dating coach with The League. "When someone likes you, it's almost impossible for them not to show signs of interest,” he previously told Elite Daily. “They can't help it. Like a radio tower, we're always broadcasting to the other person how we feel.” You just have to know what to keep an eye out for.

For the lowdown on how to gauge whether someone isn’t feeling it with you over text, here’s what experts say to watch out for.

They’re Not Matching Your Energy
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One dead giveaway that the person you’re talking to isn’t feeling it is that they’re not reciprocating your same excitement while chatting. Relationship expert Rachel DeAlto refers to this matching of wavelengths as mirroring. DeAlto tells Elite Daily that “when we are trying to make someone feel comfortable and make them feel like they’re important, we tend to mirror them, which means you’re putting the same amount of effort in as the other person.” If they’re not putting in the same energy, that could spell trouble.

They’re Not Trying To Get To Know You

A key aspect of mirroring, according to DeAlto, involves the person you’re talking to expressing equal interest in becoming more acquainted with you. “If they're interested, they're going to write back quickly and also they're going to be interested in getting to know you. So are they asking questions? Are they looking to get to know you better throughout the conversation? [It] is really an important indicator.”

They’re Taking A While To Respond

Another way to know if a guy is not interested in you through text? They take forever to get back to you. It may be easy to give your crush the benefit of the doubt by telling yourself that a late night study session or family obligation prevented them from answering your texts, but if they’re consistently slow at responding, you may want to start questioning how invested they are in you. “If you send them a text and they don’t write back for a day, they’re probably not as interested as you are,” DeAlto says.

They Aren’t Responding… At All

If your messages regularly go unanswered, it may be time to rethink if this relationship is one that’s worth pursuing. “While being unresponsive with wide gaps of time in between each text might not mean much in this day and age, it could be a sign that they aren't interested in you, or relationships at this time in their lives,” relationship counselor and clinical sexologist Martha Lee tells Elite Daily. “We are now living in a world full of distractions and some of us are even holding down multiple roles, and even jobs. Then there are those who aren't completely ready to date after negative personal experiences which usually don't have anything to do with you. While your love interest might still crave human connection and interaction, it might be that they are simply emotionally and logistically unavailable.”

Their Texts Are Shorter Than Usual

If thoughtful, paragraph-long responses from the person you’re talking to have become things of the past, and instead have been replaced by passive, one-word replies, they may no longer be feeling the spark. “When someone isn’t that into you, their responses to your text messages will be short, as in one to three words,” online dating expert Julie Spira previously told Elite Daily. “By sending a reply with a word or two, if it doesn’t include a cute emoji, GIF, or exclamation point, it’s a sign that the person isn’t into you and they’re responding out of obligation.”

You’re The Person Who Usually Texts First

If you are consistently the one to strike up a conversation, that could be a strong indicator that your level of interest is not being matched, and you may need to set your sights elsewhere. Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, previously told Elite Daily: "There's got to be a balance if someone is really into you, so that you can feel like the relationship is moving forward.”

They Don’t Listen To What You Have To Say

It’s never good to feel like you’re being overlooked, and if the person you’re talking to has a habit of not paying attention to you or disregarding what you share about yourself, it's time to confront the possibility that you’re just not one of their priorities.

“To me, the difference with being unresponsive (no answer or long delays in answer) and dismissive is the sense of feeling that your thoughts, feelings, and opinions aren't considered,” Lee says. “They ignore what you're saying and impose themselves onto you. As such, it is not a two-way relationship but more of a one-sided one. They don't remember what you've said, e.g. your preference or availability. You don't factor in anything. ... We do take time and effort with who matters — and you're not it.”

They Don’t Want To Meet In Person

A big sign through text that someone is not interested in you is when they avoid making any plans to see you in person. If the person you are texting is "becoming squirmy when talking about making future plans," as life coach Nina Rubin previously explained to Elite Daily, that’s a pretty clear sign that they’re not into you. Or, relatedly, they make rough future plans but never follow through, such as saying, “We should get dinner sometime,” and then never bringing it up again. This is definitely a sign that they aren’t into you enough to invest time in meeting up with you face to face.

The Conversation Just Doesn’t Flow

Sometimes you might not be able to pinpoint one exact thing as a clue that someone isn’t interested in you. They might be friendly and never leave you hanging over text, but something just doesn’t feel right — and that’s a sign in itself that something is up. As Damona Hoffman, relationship expert and host of the Dates & Mates podcast, previously told Elite Daily, that might just mean that the flow simply isn’t there and never will be there. "Everyone can be cute and clever in a few sentences,” she said. “If you’re not feeling a vibe over text and not having texting streaks, it’s likely that the chemistry isn’t there."

They Say They “Didn’t See Your Message” Often
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Everyone genuinely misses a text or forgets to reply to a message every once in a while — that’s just life. That being said, if someone is constantly making that excuse, that’s a major red flag. When this becomes something that occurs frequently, forgetfulness isn’t really the issue. “Everyone is attached to their cell phones, and some people even sleep with theirs like it’s their favorite digital teddy bear," Spira previously told Elite Daily. "If the excuse of not seeing your text message becomes a repeated theme, it’s because you’re low on the totem pole.” AKA, they’re not really interested.

They Straight-Up Tell You — Either With Their Words Or Actions

Paying attention to both the upfront and more subtle cues that you’re being emotionally neglected or simply rejected by the person you’re texting could save you from a world of heartache down the line. “I don't know how many people explain away emotional neglect and bad behavior and make up excuses for others. ... A lot of us just hope against hope that things change,” Lee says. “Don't do this to yourself. Don't see it as a challenge and put yourself up for emotional pain — walk away. They've told you. You don't need to prove anything to anyone, especially yourself. You deserve better.”


Connell Barrett, Dating Transformation founder and dating coach with The League

Rachel DeAlto, relationship expert, television personality, and keynote speaker

Martha Lee, relationship counselor and clinical sexologist

Julie Spira, online dating expert

Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach

Nina Rubin, life coach

Damona Hoffman, relationship expert and host of the Dates & Mates podcast

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