When Dating Someone Who You Know Is Wrong For You, Remember These 5 Things
Considering that there are around 7.5 billion people in the world, it’s safe to say that you have plenty of viable dating options. But there are lots of reasons why you still might date someone who, deep down, you know isn’t a good match. Maybe you’re blinded by physical attraction. Maybe you’re hoping they will change. Maybe you’re so terrified of being alone, that you’d rather be with the wrong person than be single. Dating someone who you know is wrong for you can obviously come with quite a few complications, some of which can actually cause some wear and tear on your emotional well-being. That said, who you date, why, and for how long is all up to you and you alone. So, if you’ve decided to keep pursuing a relationship with Mr. or Mrs. Wrong, then you may simply want to keep certain things in mind in order to maintain your sanity and sense of self.
The reality is, you don’t really get to choose who you fall for — that’s simply not how it works. So, if you’ve caught feelings for someone who you suspect isn’t right for you, it makes sense why you’d still be eager to date them, anyway. You can’t shut those feelings off. Fortunately, remembering the following things will help you to stay as realistic as possible about your situation, and moreover, continue looking out for your own well-being first and foremost.
You may not get the seal of approval.
Particularly if you’ve expressed your concerns about your boo being wrong for you, there’s a chance that you won’t get your family’s blessing or your bestie’s seal of approval to be with them. Maybe that’s not a dealbreaker for you. But for some people, it can definitely cause a strain on the relationship. When you know that your loved ones embrace the person you’re dating, you’ll have an easier time inviting them to holiday gatherings or casual hangouts. On the other hand, if they aren’t a fan of your relationship, things can get a tad awkward — or potentially even stressful.
If the people in your inner circle don’t approve of bae, it’s likely either because they think you deserve to be with someone who’s right for you and don’t want to see you get hurt, or they are picking up on something potentially more worrisome about your partner or relationship that you’re too blinded by love to see. So, you may want to listen to the concerns that your friends and family have about your relationship. That doesn’t mean you have to break up with your boo, but as these people usually have your best interests at heart, it’s certainly worth paying attention to their perspectives.
You could miss someone who’s right for you.
Here’s the thing. When you’re focusing all of your time and energy on a relationship with someone who’s wrong for you, you might miss out on a relationship with someone who’s a better fit.
You may still decide that for whatever reason, it’s worth it to you to see this through right now. And that’s totally OK. Just be aware that you have to make room for someone who is right for you, which you can’t do while you’re still in a relationship with someone who isn’t.
Boundaries are key.
Dating someone you know is wrong for you can be risky. You may start overlooking certain behaviors or letting hurtful actions slide even though they don’t sit well with you. So, if you’re going to keep dating someone even though you know they’re wrong for you, make sure to define exactly what you’re willing to accept, and what you aren’t.
This is where boundaries come in. If you know you’re simply not compatible with bae in terms of your communication habits, that’s definitely important information to be aware of. But that doesn’t make it OK for them to treat you poorly, so if it’s bothering you that they’re neglecting to text you back, or going several days without calling, then you owe it to yourself to be honest with them about it. Better yet, start setting healthy boundaries to protect yourself as much as possible. It can be helpful to keep regularly checking with yourself. Ask yourself: How does this relationship make me feel? Are my wants and needs being met?
There's a difference between incompatible and toxic.
A partner who isn’t an ideal match may not be super compatible with you. But a partner who’s emotionally abusive? That’s a whole different ball game.
"Someone who isn’t good for you may also engage in a manipulative form of emotional abuse called gaslighting, in which they deny and invalidate your emotional experiences," dating coach and author Samantha Burns previously told Elite Daily. "They don’t take accountability for their wrongdoing, blame you, and somehow even when you know you’re in the right you wind up apologizing just to smooth things over because you’re uncomfortable with the tension. You then start to tiptoe around conflict and worry more about their feelings than your own."
Make sure to be on the lookout for red flags that your partner is emotionally abusive, because that’s typically a sign that it’s time to make an exit. The effects of that kind of abuse can last beyond your relationship, and your well-being always takes top priority.
Not only that, but Burns pointed out that dating the wrong person can cause your self-doubt and anxiety to surge, thus making dating more difficult for you down the line. Once again, this is why it’s a good idea to keep checking in with your feelings and be alert to any negative impact that the relationship could be having on your emotional or mental health.
You can’t change anyone.
Are you continuing to date the wrong person for you because you’re hoping they’ll eventually be right for you? The reality is, there’s no guarantee that your boo will change. Certainly, when someone is motivated to focus on self-improvement, they can achieve that. But if they’ve never expressed an interest in changing, and you’re hoping they’ll magically transform into the right person for you, then you may need a reality check.
Be honest with yourself about whether you can be happy with this person as they are, whether that includes commitment fears, trust issues, or conflicting values. Otherwise, you may be falling in love with their potential, not the person they truly are.
Dating someone who's all wrong for you (yet oh so right) is, in a word, complicated. You may feel internally conflicted about pursuing a romance that isn't necessarily a perfect fit, for whatever reason. And that's totally normal, not to mention understandable. Ultimately, only you can decide if this is a relationship that's still worth pursuing. I'm a firm believer that all dating experiences are valuable in some way or another, so as long as your safety or well-being are not at risk, then there's no reason why you can't learn from or grow with someone who isn't quite a good match. Most importantly, don't forget that you are fully worthy of fulfilling love — regardless of whether someone is right or wrong for you.