There are a lot of things that need to align between two people in order for a relationship to work long-term. You both need to be attracted to each other, get along, share the same values, and consider yourselves compatible. If you know that you and bae get along, but deep down, you're noticing these signs you and your partner are incompatible, it might be time to have a conversation. It's normal to think that compatibility has to do with connection, and while that's somewhat true, it's more complex than that.
Compatibility is all about who the two of you are individually, and how that works out into who you are as a couple. "Incompatibility really comes down to whether or not the two or you have aligned values and are looking to move forward in life in a similar direction," Thomas Edwards, founder of The Professional Wingman, tells Elite Daily. The thing is, "compatibility is comprehensive," as Edwards says, and it looks different for everyone. Now, incompatibility doesn't automatically mean you and your partner should break up, but it might mean you have some things you need to talk though, and that's OK! In fact, it could even help you grow closer. Here's how you know it's time to have a conversation.
First and foremost, it's easy to tell you and your partner aren't compatible if your values don't align. But what does that even look like? According to Edwards, it has to do with "wanting to be in a relationship, move[ing] toward marriage, have[ing] children," and "stay[ing] in the same city." If you're not on the same page when it comes to these important goals, your future plans probably aren't compatible.
A relationship can still work even if, initially, you don't want the same things.Whether it's about marriage, jobs, or having kids, if you both stand firm in your stances, and those stances are opposing, you'll run into issues in your relationship down the road unless you compromise.
"The easiest and most jarring way to know if someone is incompatible is if they’re unwilling to modify a value or part of their life that you are hoping they will so you don’t have to modify yours," Edwards says. "For example, I have clients whose partners practice a different religion from their own and they’re able to co-exist well. If there is a line drawn in the sand between values and neither person wants to make adjustments, that type of stalemate may prove incompatibility."
Sadly, another sign that you and your partner are incompatible is that you keep having the same fight over and over again, to no avail. "Some signs of incompatibility are that you keep having the same arguments, or that you find yourself having the same conversation over and over again without a resolution," Elle Huerta, CEO & founder of breakup recovery app Mend, tells Elite Daily.
All couples fight, but a compatible couple will work together to resolve their arguments. If you and your partner are finding this to be impossible, it might come down to incompatibility.
No matter how picture-perfect a relationship seems, there are always going to be points of contention. Regardless of whether or not they're tiny spats or big blowouts, you might know, on some level, that you and your partner are incompatible if you feel it deep down inside. "It could also just be a gut feeling that you have that the relationship isn't going to work out long term," Huerta says. "The hard part about incompatibility is that it doesn't mean you don't like/love someone or want something to work out."
Again: Incompatibility doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed, or that you don't love each other. It just means that you might have to work a little bit harder to make it work. If you and your partner are really in it for the long haul and you want to put in the work to stay together, you know you've found a ride-or-die bae, and that appreciation will only make your relationship stronger in the long run.
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