5 Things You'll Feel When You're In Love With Someone Who's Wrong For You
Whether or not the universe decides that something is supposed to work out has nothing to do with how much you love someone.
While love is a real, beautiful, totally true emotion, it's not exactly the most honest one. Love can fool a person into doing a lot of things, including staying in a relationship that isn't working for them.
As for that maxim that says love is a sacrifice? Yeah, I think that's bullsh*t. It doesn't have to be.
When lasting love happens, it's healthy. It doesn't tear you up inside. You can be whole in yourself and fully appreciate another person without getting lost or anxious about things lasting.
Or at least that's what I'm told.
There are plenty of ways that love can deceive a person and get them entangled in something that's all wrong. Here are a few examples of what that feels like when it happens:
1. It's All Between Your Legs
Infatuation is definitely a form of love, and I don't want to downplay its significance. Great sex is totally liberating, expands your horizons, and makes you more aware of aspects of your identity that maybe you had never considered before.
It does come with a time limit, though. Infatuation only lasts about two years. Besides that, a relationship based entirely on sex feels a bit like binging on junk food at the time. It feels great when you're in the middle, but just hours later, you're hungry for something with a bit more sustenance.
Falling in love with the sex is real, although, it might not be very good for you.
2. They're Going To Abandon You At Any Minute
If the person you are in love with gives you reason to think that they're going to leave you at any second for someone else, your friends are probably already telling you that it's not good for you.
If you think you're being crazy and paranoid about him flirting with that other girl at the party? No, you're not. It means that he's given you good cause to think that he would cheat on you or, at the very least, do something that makes you uncomfortable.
See, if you were happy and secure in your relationship, you probably wouldn't be bound up in anxious knots at the sight of seeing your boyfriend talking to somebody else. You'd probably be jazzed about him making a new friend.
And even if that's not the truth, you need to be with somebody else who operates a little bit differently. I'm sure you can find someone who isn't interested in leaving your side at a social gathering. Might I suggest a Taurus?
3. Your Entire Self-Worth Is Caught Up In The Relationship
When she forgot to text you back, did it send you spiraling into a deep, dark place where nobody ever loves you because you're not good enough?
Did he tell you that you'd never meet anyone as good as him again? And you believed him?
Allow me to give you a good, virtual shake. You are worthy of love. There are over a billion people on this planet whom you could fall in love with. Even if you're a choosy type, that number is still pretty high.
If a relationship is making you feel like you're unlovable or if it's making it hard for you to love yourself, that means it is draining your precious emotional reserves -- reserves you need to reinvest back into yourself.
How much you love the other person doesn't have anything to do with it. You have to find a way to love you the most.
4. You'll Compromise Your Own Boundaries Until It Hurts
Society might have set monogamy up as the only way for two people to be together, but the truth is that, like everything else about a relationship, it's a choice and not the default. Plenty of people are polyamorous and experience satisfying, open relationships with their partner.
However, that doesn't mean that polyamory is for everyone. For one thing, a lot of people claim to be poly, when they really just want to sleep around. While there's nothing wrong with sleeping around, that is very different from having a relationship -- and make no mistake, an open relationship is still a relationship.
When you're poly, you and your partner are still committed to one another. It doesn't mean that anything goes. The arrangement comes with certain rules, just as monogamy does.
In my experience, more people experimenting with polyamory means that more people think it's something that would work for them. Actually, it doesn't. I've been in two open relationships, and both of them were super painful to me. In one case, it was because of dishonesty, but in the other, it was because of actual things that have happened in my past.
Wanting a monogamous relationship doesn't mean that you're possessive or jealous or even that you're conservative. It just means that a certain kind of arrangement works better for you.
Still, if your partner wants something different, then it doesn't matter how much you love them. One of you is going to have to make a compromise.
Take it from someone who's made the mistake of agreeing to more than she's comfortable with: Don't do anything that will hurt you.
5. They're Holding Something Back From You
If you love to share your feelings, but they're closed-lipped, you might feel like you're not being heard. If you need a lot of sex, and they only want to hook up two times a week, then you're not feeling satisfied. If you want undivided, undistracted time together, and they want to meet up with their friends, then you feel neglected.
It may be that you and your partner have different love languages, and an open talk could resolve some of the issues.
Or it could be that one or both of you has lost interest, and you're no longer getting what you need out of the relationship. You don't have to have fallen out of love with somebody for this to happen.
Just because you love somebody, doesn't mean you have to be together. In fact, lots of relationships throughout a person's lifetime help them learn about themselves and their needs, so they really are ready to get together with the right person when you meet up.
What's more, relationships can teach you how to have a better investment in yourself.
No matter what happens, don't forget that you are worthy of the right kind of love. If someone isn't demonstrating the love you need, then you might be better off going it alone.