How many times have you heard the expression, “What you think, you become”? That’s the philosophy behind intention setting in a nutshell, fam. The idea is that if you focus your mind and your heart on a specific purpose, then eventually, your reality will align with it. And in case you weren’t aware, setting the right intentions can be a game-changer if you want to find love in 2020. Experts say it can not only keep you motivated and optimistic in the dating game, but it can also help you to better acknowledge when someone is a solid match.
In case you’re a newbie, here’s a quick crash course in intention setting. Intentions are often confused with goals, but they are actually different things. There isn’t an expectation of “achievement” with an intention — it’s simply an aim, an attitude or action you’d like to align with. An intention should be framed around positive language ("I will..." rather than "I won't...") and should take all of your personal values, your unique perspective on life, and your dating priorities into account. Once you’ve come up with your intentions, you can say them aloud as well as write them down somewhere visible. The more you speak, hear, and see your intentions, the more powerful they may become.
Need some more specific guidance? Consider these expert-approved intentions for finding love this year.
"Oftentimes, we get caught up in what we need to do instead of thinking about who we’d like to be," says Thomas Edwards Jr., a transformational coach. "You already know what to do."
So, what kind of dater do you want to be? Open-mindedness is a phenomenal quality when it comes to dating because can open your eyes to prospects you may have missed if you were too rigid in your quest. That's not to say that you shouldn't be specific when thinking about what you're looking for, but if you're too narrow-minded, you might not be able to see the potential in certain people. This intention helps you to be a bit more open-minded in terms of not only how you meet dates, but also who you go out with. Because who knows? Someone who doesn't a couple of your boxes might surprise you.
According to Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, staying present is a stellar dating intention to set. Why? Because it ensures that you get the most out of all your dating.
When you're present, you're not only able to enjoy each experience more, but you're more likely to pick up on subtle cues that you've found a great match, and less likely to miss possible red flags. If one of your New Year's resolutions involves mindfulness, then this is a particularly fitting intention to set.
While you're looking for romance in 2020, remember to show yourself compassion, patience, and love. And if that sounds like it's easier said than done, setting this particular intention can hold you accountable so you don't neglect your focus on self-love while dating.
Edwards notes that this intention can help to ensure that your desire for external romance isn’t filling an internal void. He recommends taking action to support this intention, too — like taking yourself on a date every week, for example. You could also supplement this intention by saying some affirmations for self-love.
You may be unaware that some of your habits and tendencies are actually detrimental to your search for love — which is why Trombetti recommends identifying what they are and then setting this intention to help you resist them.
"It could be that you blow off everyone who asks you out, or that you have a negative perspective on dating," she explains.
So, it's time to get real with yourself. Has stalking your ex on social media made it impossible for you to move forward? Are you constantly comparing your dating life to your friends' experiences? Are your insecurities getting in the way of being proactive on dating apps? Once you've figured out what's holding you back you can start working toward letting go of these behaviors that are no longer serving you.
Vulnerability is admittedly a somewhat scary, yet essential component of dating. While exposing your true thoughts and feelings does involve a certain degree of risk, it allows you to make more meaningful connections with people, and to more accurately assess whether or not you're on the same page with your potential matches.
That's why Edwards advises setting this dating intention for 2020. Start by asking yourself: What does vulnerability look like for me? Is could involve re-downloading your apps, chatting up your crush IRL, or being more honest with your dates about wanting a serious relationship. After you've clarified how you can be more vulnerable, implementing this intention will enable you to identify more opportunities to let your guard down.
When you're so laser-focused on finding a potential soul mate, it's easy to forget that fun is such an important element of dating. That's where this intention comes in.
"This could mean not taking every date as if it will be your last first date and instead, allowing yourself to be present and enjoy the time with whoever is sitting across or next to you," says Edwards.
So, keep in mind that dating is not necessarily about the endpoint, but the path you take to get there. There's no telling what your love life will look like a year from now, but you might as well make the most of the journey, right? While not every experience will lead to your ideal romance, you can try to enjoy the ride.
As you embark on your search for love in 2020, Trombetti also advises focusing your energy on learning more about yourself.
"It's the intention to put in the work that counts," she adds.
Whether you hire a dating coach to aid in your efforts, start journaling about dating to glean insight from your experiences, or read a few enlightening articles about dating, these efforts will certainly not be in vain. The power of intentions lies in their ability to create clarity around what you want out of life, and by taking actions to support those intentions, you'll slowly start making your dreams a reality.
Sources:
Susan Trombetti, matchmaker
Thomas Edwards Jr., life coach
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