Ignore Your 'Type': Why Having An Open Mind Will Help You Find Who You Are Looking For


My original intent was to write an article about the most dangerous personality types in the dating scene. Actually, I started to write that article, but the further along I got with it, it seemed less like a lesson and more like a rant.

Everyone has dated someone who showed warning signs along the way that it wouldn’t work out. However, labeling a personality isn’t the way to avoid dating mishaps; life is too short to label anything. The second you confine something to a box or a frame, it can’t grow and neither can your perception of it.

His personality might be totally wrong for you, but you should enjoy the experience, regardless. If there's something that attracts you or interests you, see where it goes.

Be aware of someone’s positive and negative attributes, but don’t dwell on anything. Enjoy the company and learn everything you can from that person, even if it crashes and burns in the end.

Even my most negative dating experiences have taught me lessons. Guys who hurt me in ways I would have never imagined still left me with something positive underneath the rubble. Hanging onto the negativity is a sure way to never get over someone in an angst-y, curse-his-name-when-his-favorite-band-comes-on kind of a way.

Don’t do that; let it go. Stop kicking yourself for ignoring the warning signs from the beginning and learn how to tear down all the walls you built up.

You don’t save yourself by keeping people away, regardless of what you might think. The walls don’t keep people out; they only keep you trapped inside. When you realize this, you finally understand that you are far more capable of causing harm to yourself than any failed romance.

Treat every person as an individual; don’t judge. Have a clear mind and an open heart, and you’ll start to see the world differently with calm, new eyes. If a new friend invites you to a party, go. If it ends up being a terrible time, so be it, at least you tried.

Our generation is so quick to neglect to take chances when it really counts. We write people off with painful, debilitating stereotypes. Words like slut and bitch get thrown around far too often, and douchebag and tool are equally abused. We’re so jaded, but we act like it’s everyone else's fault and not our own.

Our eagerness to overgeneralize and call a guy a “Houdini” due to his disappearing act, is preferable to the possibility of getting hurt. It’s so much easier to put him in a box with all the others and move on.

It’s far simpler to assume a friendly girl is needy or clingy, rather than just genuinely interested in establishing or pursuing a friendship. That’s the kind of thinking we’re faced with today.

We need to stop letting the quick labels and generalizations that others have impact our lives. What someone else thinks of you is not your business, so why change who you are to attract someone who may have improperly judged you in the first place?

Playing hard-to-get won’t get you anywhere with a hastily assumed "tool," and making assumptions or framing him into a type is just as grave of an error. Changing your thought process might not get you a significant other right away, but I guarantee it will help shape your life in a positive way.

Oversimplifying is a fault of our technology era, where things can be compartmentalized into app folders and inbox labels. Don’t treat people like machines; people are multi-faceted beings with stories, histories and a spectrum of feelings and traits that require more than 140 characters.

Get to know his or her real story and truth, not an abbreviated facade. The next time you meet someone new, say, “Hello.” Try to avoid making inferences about his or her haircut, shoes and accent. Next time, just listen.

Photo via We Heart It