Solo date nights are essential.
Maybe you and your partner have been together for a while now. Perhaps you've passed that initial exciting spark phase and that first "I love you." But even while you may still totally love your boo, it’s possible you find yourself thinking, “I want to be single.” Plenty of people want to be single when they’re in a relationship, and it’s not necessarily because they’re unhappy. Instead, you may just have an inexplicable longing for your single life routine, and luckily, there are ways to deal with wanting to be single that don’t involve breaking up with your SO.
Of course, it’s one thing to miss your days as a ~single lady~ and another to actually fear commitment. According to relationship expert April Masini, you may find yourself wishing to be single when you’re in a relationship if you have a tough time committing yourself. "Acknowledge it and even say it out loud — but don’t stop doing something because you're fearful of commitment,” she previously told Elite Daily. “Tell your partner, 'I’m really scared of commitment, but this relationship is so important to me, I want to stick with it, and I want your help with my fear.'"
As well as opening up to your partner, these tips can help you deal with the desire to be independent when you’re coupled up.
Someone who misses the single life when they’re in a relationship may be dependent on their partner for joy. As relationship and wellness coach Shula Melamed previously told Elite Daily, it’s important to figure out what makes you happy on your own so you can in turn be happier with someone else. “Learning how to take care of yourself and cultivate your own life will make you a better partner,” she said. “Having ways to self-soothe and create joy in your own life on your own are extremely valuable life skills.”
Spending some quality time with yourself is also a great way to fulfill those single gal desires. Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist and author of Joy from Fear, you can learn to better appreciate time with someone else if you allow yourself more time on your own. “Going out to lunch by yourself, taking a walk in the park during the day, or going to a matinee movie are all wonderful little steps that build inner confidence,” she previously suggested. Maybe you can even choose something your partner wouldn’t want to do to remind yourself how freeing alone time can be.
Maybe you miss single life because you’ve forgotten who you are outside of your relationship. A great way to get back in touch with your single self is to pick up an old activity you used to love as a single person, or maybe even discover a new interest that’s just for you. Focusing on the freedom you still have — even as someone in a relationship — can help shift your mindset. As licensed marriage and family therapist Nicole Richardson previously told Elite Daily, “It is good to have things that are just yours and to remember that your partner was attracted to you when you had your own life.”
Being in a relationship sometimes means missing out on quality time with friends. And if you’re boo’d up while your friends are all single AF, then chances are you’ll miss being single even more. The best way to combat that fear of missing out: make more time for your crew. “Having your own autonomy is so critical to not only your overall happiness, but for your relationship's, as well,” Kali Rogers, CEO and founder of Blush Online Life Coaching, previously said. “Being able to enjoy your own private moments with friends and family is essential to having your own identity and maintaining your independence while also in a relationship.”
Even if you and your boo aren’t in a slump, being alone can sometimes seem more appealing than putting the work into your relationship. When you find yourself missing singledom, relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter suggested you reflect on the reasons why you’re with your partner in the first place. "You'll know you really love your partner if you choose to be with them, rather than need to be with them," she previously said. "You're comfortable being alone, but prefer their company because they enrich your life." Of course, if you truly don’t prefer their company to your own, then it’s possible you should, in fact, be single right now.
Independent people who have a clear sense of self tend to make the best partners, and when you enjoy your life and can set healthy boundaries, your relationship will benefit. But if you find that these tips don’t help and you still want to be on your own, then maybe it is time to be single for a while.
Experts:
April Masini, relationship expert
Shula Melamed, relationship and wellness coach
Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author of Joy from Fear
Nicole Richardson, licensed marriage and family therapist
Kali Rogers, CEO and founder of Blush Online Life Coaching
Susan Winter, relationship expert and love coach
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
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