Do I Love Being Single Or Am I Afraid Of Commitment? Here's How To Tell
Being single can be a ton of fun, and there are so many great reasons why someone would choose to be single. I've been single for a few years, and I can't remember the last time I actually wanted to settle down. I love the ability to date multiple people at once and also swiping is basically a fun thumb exercise for me at this point. However, if you too are single, it's also completely normal to ask yourself, "Do I love being single or am I afraid of commitment?" It's totally OK if you are afraid of commitment — it's objectively scary, and I say that as a woman who's not even comfortable signing up for exercise classes where you have to cancel 24 hours in advance. But knowing whether you are or aren't afraid of commitment can be helpful in exploring relationship opportunities in the future, so I spoke with an expert about how to tell the difference.
You might be single because you love being single, and that's amazing. If you don't find yourself wishing you had a partner and you don't avoid social events where everyone else is in a couple, you probably genuinely love singlehood, Relationship Expert April Masini tells Elite Daily. She adds that if you make plans to do things with your single friends and your coupled friends, you probably love being single because you're not worried that being around other couples will make you feel lonely. If you're happy with your social life and you're not jealous of your friends in relationships, then you should enjoy your life as a single person because it's sparking joy!
However, if you are trying to avoid dating but you don't have clear reasons why, you might have a fear of commitment. But don't worry, are ways to know that you're avoiding dating out of fear rather than a love for being single. "You find yourself coming up with excuses to not go on dates," Masini says. "When you think about it, these excuses don’t really hold water. They’re lame. You don’t want to go on these dates because you’re afraid of commitment." That's not to say that not wanting to go on dates means you're afraid of commitment, but if you agree to go out with people and then cancel for reasons you can't explain — well, you might want to ask yourself if you could be scared of commitment.
If you find that you do harbor a fear of commitment and hope to overcome it, there are totally steps that you can take. Maybe you've started seeing someone and you're worried your fear is holding you back from being in a new relationship. "Make a decision to not allow the fear to run your life," Masini says. "Acknowledge it and even say it out loud — but don’t stop doing something because you're fearful of commitment. Tell your partner, 'I’m really scared of commitment, but this relationship is so important to me, I want to stick with it, and I want your help with my fear.'" Being upfront with both yourself and your partner are great ways to ensure that your fear of commitment doesn't hold you back from a relationship that could make you happy.
The good news is that even if you are afraid of commitment, you can still have a happy relationship — if that's what you're looking for. "Fear of commitment is one thing, but honoring that fear is another," Masini says. "It’s okay to be afraid of commitment, but with any fear, it’s important to not let that fear rule your life. Acknowledge, it. Respect it. Analyze it. But move beyond it. Be fearful, but make that date. Continue seeing someone great, even though you’re scared." Fear is totally human – everyone is afraid of something. Still, if you're looking to date (which you don't have to be), you can work through your fear of commitment by acknowledging it, but telling yourself that fear isn't going to run your life.
Single life can be great for so many reasons — I personally love never having to share my pillows! But relationships can be a blast too, and it's important to figure out which you're looking for. If you love being single, that's wonderful, but if you're single out of fear of commitment, it might be useful to understand why. Being afraid of commitment is completely human, and it's not anything to feel bad about. Still, once you know what the source of your fears are, you can face them and get the most out of your life — single or otherwise.