Choosing your maid of honor can be an exciting yet also supremely stressful task at the same time. After all, this will be your right-hand gal from the moment the invitations are designed to the moment the DJ plays spins that last tune at the reception. But what if she falls short of your expectations, or worse, starts to sabotage your dream day? In those cases, can you fire your maid of honor?
The maid of honor is an incredibly significant position — after all, she’ll be responsible for plotting all the unforgettable bachelorette shenanigans, and she’ll be the one standing nearby with a flask at the ready when you’re feeling nervous AF. Whether it’s your big sister or your college bestie, your maid-of-honor can truly make your wedding better — that is, if you choose wisely.
Indeed, you can fire your maid of honor, and the following stories serve as proof that sometimes, it’s the best decision you can make to preserve your sanity and ensure all goes smoothly. Of course, it typically takes a lot for a maid of honor to get canned. Perhaps she starts causing some unnecessary drama within the bridal party, or she fails to put in literally any effort during the planning process to make your life a little easier. Regardless of the reason, there's no denying that retracting your offer for this role makes for an awkward conversation. But when your big day is on the line, you do what you have to do.
Wondering what it takes to get fired as a MOH? Here’s what a handful of ladies had to say about their decision to demote their maid of honor.
I’ve known my MOH for nearly 10 years. We always talked about being each other’s maid of honors during high school and college. So when I actually got engaged, she nominated herself as MOH before I ever asked. I made cute boxes to “pop the question” to my bridesmaids, but this particular girl said “I am SO EXCITED to be your maid of honor” before I even asked her. I hate confrontation and a little bit of a pushover if I’m being honest, so I let her take that title, after all, I’d known her forever. I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE.
I don’t expect my bridesmaids to cater to me 24/7, but I don’t expect them to make my life a living hell either. She is extremely jealous of my relationship, has complained about every aspect of the wedding from flowers, to dresses, to cards, bachelorette, wedding season, etc. I’ve offered to pay for her dress and her share of the bachelorette if money was an issue. She’s lied to me about getting her dress (the wedding is four months out and she hasn’t ordered anything) and lied to me about other things (shower invites were sent out three weeks later than she told me and the other girls), she flip-flops on everything and holds up plans, and she makes me feel bad about the money MY parents are spending, which is within the budget she gave me and NONE of her business.
My maid of honor is more like a maid of stress and dishonor, so I am demoting her.
UPDATE: I fired her today and feel like it was the best decision. It was hard, but I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My little sister was my maid of honor, but TBH, I only gave her that position because I felt obligated. And as the wedding got closer and closer, I started to think that might have been a poor decision. She’s never been very organized or good at planning, but I guess I hoped she would get her sh*t together for my big day. She didn’t.
One day, one of the other bridesmaids (my best friend from college) mentioned that she was desperately trying to get my sister to plan the bachelorette as the wedding was less than four months away, but she wasn't doing anything. I kept getting complaints from the other bridesmaids, and it started stressing me out. Soon after, I demoted her and made my BFF maid of honor. I didn’t want to hurt my sister's feelings, so I just told her that it seemed like she had a lot on her plate right now, and I didn’t want to add to her responsibilities. She took it like a champ. I realized that she didn’t really want the MOH position — but just as I felt obligated to offer it, she felt obligated to take it.
— Jennifer, 31
My MOH lied to me about ordering her dress. I offered to buy it outright or loan her the money and have me pay it back. Finally, a month after the deadline, she told me she had ordered her dress. I called David's Bridal, both corporate and the store... no dress.
I sent her a polite message saying, "hey, I know you have a lot going on right now and I do, too — you're under a lot of stress and at this time I have to ask that you step down to just being a guest, I love you and value our friendship, etc." She replied by saying "good luck!" and deleting me from Facebook. We no longer speak.
She's had bad luck dating guys and also has self-inflicted financial problems because she is terrible with her money (her sister, me, and others have offered to get her a better job...she actually stood up my supervisor's request for an interview at a former job). Her sister and I are close, closer than ever after this happened, and she agrees it's a jealousy thing. *Shrug.*
I fired a bridesmaid a month ago. We're not friends anymore, at all. I fired mine because I realized that she's a toxic person who can't be trusted, and I'd rather deal with it now than be nice and have her in my wedding party when I don't really want to, and stress about it the whole time.
— Junonx
I made my best friend from high school my maid of honor. Looking back, it’s clear to me that the main reason I chose her was that I had been her MOH, so I felt like I kind of had to return the honor. Anyway, on separate occasions, some of the other bridesmaids told me that she had been talking sh*t about me and complaining about the wedding behind my back — about how much I was spending on “stupid” things, about how tacky she thought my dress was, about how she didn’t want to go to Montreal for the bachelorette.
I confronted her about it and she was a total coward, and completely denied ever saying any of it, rather than just owning up to it and apologizing. I was super hurt, and also super annoyed that she would infuse so much negativity into the bridal party ahead of my big day. I fired her, and I never once regretted it. Lesson learned: I guess some friends you outgrow after high school.
— Kelsey, 29
At her best, a maid of honor will help to keep track of your shower gifts, throw a killer bachelorette, serve as a sounding board for any pre-wedding venting, and give a heartfelt speech at the reception. At her worst, however, she can actually cause more stress leading up to the big day, which is just about the last thing you need while you’re preparing to say “I do.” Here’s hoping yours is the former kind. But if that’s not the case, these tales prove that it’s totally OK to give the title to someone else. After all, you only get married once — and you deserve a MOH who takes the role — and responsibilities that come with it — seriously.
