One minute you were just chatting at a cocktail bar with no intentions of hooking up, and the next thing you know you’re making out in the Uber on the way to his place. This guy is smooth AF, there’s no doubt about it — and that’s one of the hallmark traits of a f*ckboi.
“An effective f*ckboi is seductive,” says Masini. “He’s really good at getting people into bed. If you’re not feeling emotionally vampire-d, you should admire his skills. He is aggressive and tenacious. He takes this predatory stance seriously and he makes you feel like he wants you more than anyone in the world — until he’s done with you.”
There’s something a little bit dangerous about a guy who’s that suave. If he’s somehow subtly convinced you to do things you never thought you’d do, you may very well have a f*ckboi on your hands.
Suspect you’re dating a f*ckboi? It’s up to you how you react to that sneaking suspicion. First, you’ll want to honestly consider your own current dating goals.
“If you’re just in it for the fun of it, and you don’t want more, enjoy,” says Masini. “But if you’re looking for commitment and character, you’ve made a mistake. Recalibrate and move on.”
As as long as you haven’t caught any feels for your f*ckboi and you’re not looking for anything serious, there’s no harm in letting things play out.
“You may be attracted because you like his game and want a little for your own,” explains Masini. “This f*ckboi may be more than a potential boyfriend — he may be the inspiration for you to do a little f*ckboi-ing of your own!”
But what if you do want something more? It may be tempting to stick it out in hopes of seeing if there's bae potential here, but be wary of expecting your f*ckboi to change. While of course there are always exceptions, as a general rule, it's best not to assume that a f*ckboi is going to suddenly do a 180 and want a real commitment.
“This isn’t someone you should try to bring into the light,” adds Masini. “He likes the dark side. If a person wants to change, they will — but it won’t be because you want it. It’ll be because they want it, and they’re ready. Save your energy.”
That said, it's still worth a discussion before you jump ship. After all, how will you ever know what your f*ckboi really wants if you don't ask him directly? Having the conversation about defining the relationship can feel a little intimidating, but remember: you have nothing to lose. You may be surprised that he's just as down to take your relationship to a new level as well. And if he's determined to keep up his f*ckboi ways, then you can consider parting ways and pursuing other people who's needs and wants may line up better with yours.
However you choose to proceed with your f*ckboi, remember: take a cue from him and look out for number one. The most important thing is that you take your own needs into account. Many of us have fallen for a f*ckboi at one time or another, and there's no shame in getting caught up in their game. All you have to do is be honest with yourself about what you ultimately want out of it — and if it turns out to be more than your f*ckboi can give, rest assured that you'll find it elsewhere.